Doing My Job

I'm trying to write a quick post here to keep this blog up-to-date, but I probably should've done this while the kids were in school.

Eagle Rock, CA

After I got back from dropping them off at school this morning, I came home thinking "I'm going to get a lot done today" and then I promptly fell asleep on the couch. Don't blame me! I had trouble sleeping last night! The husband was snoring, then I was cold, then I woke up to the horrible smell of a skunk! We had all of our windows open, in every room, and there was a breeze. You can imagine what that smelled like! So I got up and started spraying Febreeze around the house, and then I sprayed too much and then that smell started to bother me!

On the plus side, I got the kids to school earlier than usual so they could sit together in the cafeteria and have breakfast. As long as they're getting to school everyday, I'm doing my job, right?

Anneka before school

On top of that job, besides the obvious things I do around the house, including cooking and being their chauffeur, I also get paid to Tweet and I sell various items on eBay.  That's my job, for now. I'm making money, which is cool, and I actually have a savings account with money in it! This might be too much information, but it's all legit. Don't worry. I'm still working for Inside Edition. They call me when they have a story they want me to look into and report on. That's so much fun. I love being on national tv, especially when people text me or send me messages on Facebook saying "I saw you on tv!". I've probably been on Inside Edition more than 10 times now. I've honestly lost count. And then sometimes my feature is in the weekend edition of the show, and then there are times where my segments are for the website. You can always check the website for some of my videos at InsideEdition.com.

Well, the girls just went in their room to play school. I'll go watch Inside Edition and continue to look for opportunities on the web. I'm looking into taking classes for voiceover acting. I asked a friend, Kevin Michael Richardson about where I should go for training. He does the voice of Cleveland Jr. on The Cleveland Show and Family Guy. I do weird voices around the house for my kids, I might as well be doing it for the masses and getting paid!

Later.

Laila before school

My Therapist Says...

I had this plan to try to blog everyday once the girls were in school, but things don't always go as planned. They are now in their third week of school and this is the first blog I've posted in forever. It's been at least a month since I even looked at this thing. But in my defense, a lot has been going on.

By a "a lot", I really mean "not much". I know. I just contradicted myself. It feels like nothing's been going on, I mean. No job, nothing exciting. I'm not doing any stand-up and tv show appearances. I haven't been on Inside Edition in over a month. Not that they don't want to use me or anything, it's just they haven't needed commentary on certain news stories, except one day last week. They called, but I had such a sore throat that my speaking voice wasn't normal. I was barely squeaking out words so I had to turn them down.

The first week of school, I was a little depressed. My twins started kindergarten and Ani started 2nd grade. It was just a reminder that they are growing up and there was nothing I can do about it. At least when Ani started kindergarten, I had the twins to focus on. Now, no one's at home for me to focus on. Except for me.

I started seeing a therapist. She wants me to focus on me. I'm so used to putting other people first, I've forgotten what I wanted. I've forgotten what I came out here to do before it's too late. Honestly, I never expected to be a mom, but I certainly never saw myself as this over-obsessive "helicopter" parent. I drop them off at school, then stand outside of the gate watching them in their respective lines. I dress all three of them alike everyday. I'm overly worried about if the twins are making friends and if their teacher is paying attention to them.

Focus on me? That's kind of a joke, right? Yes, I now have hours in the day where I can have a full thought uninterrupted, but what else am I supposed to be doing? I've been making money by Tweeting for major brands. I buy stuff cheap then sell them on eBay for profit. That's my business. That's what I've been doing to bring extra money into the house. But I haven't done stand-up in months, I haven't been on any auditions, and I haven't even been keeping up with this blog.

My therapist says I'm too hard on myself. She's right, I know. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do certain things and if I don't succeed, I kick myself when I'm down. This week I've felt much better about things. Last week I was sick and kept the girls home a few days because they were sick too. I spent those days laying around, taking medicine and eating very little. I lost a few pounds. This week, I'm reassessing and making myself "do". I have all of this time to do what I moved my family out here to do. And there's this voice in the back of my head that's sing-songing "Don't screw it  upppp". Well I'm telling that voice to FUCK OFF.

Was this entire post one big, long ramble? See...I'm still being too hard on myself. Don't tell my therapist.

The Start to My Summer

Okay, update...

Not like anyone asked for one, but here goes...

If you follow me on Twitter or are a friend of mine on Facebook, you know what's going on with me. About a month ago, I got a talent manager! I've worked with him before as he's sent me out for stuff before, but we just made it official, and he signed my girls!

What else? Oh yeah. My laptop broke, which explains the lack of updates. Actually, that's not much of an excuse. I have updated this blog through my iPhone and iPad, so yeah, not much of an excuse at all. Oh yeah, and I'm obsessed with Lana del Rey right now. I just decided to give her a try after liking Summertime Sadness for so long. Also, I've been watching a lot of the web series The Guild on Netflix.

Summer started and Ani is out of school now. That's been rough, being home with all three girls. We weren't smart enough to look into summer programs because I was all "I wanna spend the summer with my girls before the twinsies have to start school." So in the meanwhile, I'm going crazy trying to find stuff to do with them. Luckily, they're very much into going to the playground and learning music. When I pull out my guitar, they grab their instruments. Laila will play her keyboard, Ani her acoustic guitar and Mia her bongos.

I haven't been doing much stand-up,  but I've been writing sketches and spec scripts, praying that I get a writing job for a TV show. I've also been making web videos with my girls. Oh, oh, and most importantly, I've been doing commentary on one of my favorite shows of all time, Inside Edition! Posting links below...

So what am I doing this summer? Writing and praying I get a job in the fall. I really want to write on a sitcom. Fingers crossed!

Later gators! (ugh. Who says that??)

Me on Inside Edition:

"Around the House Chronicles" (my web series with my kids)

"Kid Questions" a short I did with my 7 yr old daughter, Anneka:

Cut Back On Stuff

My laptop isn't working right, which makes it really hard to write. I've been so bored, you guys. So, so, so bored! And yes, I write on my iPhone, but after a while, your thumbs start to hurt! I'm going to end up with carpal-tunnel syndrome from trying to type stuff up while out. So right now, I'm blogging from an iPad, which is weird, to say the least.

I wish I had more of an update. All I have are ideas right now and trying to figure out ways to execute them. If anyone asks what I'm doing with my time, besides being a wife and mother, I'm taking time to think. Yes, I'm aware how that sounds. The last time I took time off to "think", I ended up dropping out of college. I'm not dropping out of anything and I'm not depressed again. What I need is a job. A lot of opportunities are coming my way but none of them pay. So yeah, that's particularly what I'm thinking about. How do I get paid? Our rent is about to go up and we're just going to have to cut back on stuff. Or you'll see me at your local Starbucks making lattes and shizz.

But I'm very optimistic and I have a few ideas up my sleeve, so you never know!

By the way, Bry is working on my laptop right now. Fingers crossed!

Rainy L.A. Day ramblings

I haven't been keeping up this blog as much as I should because I've been too busy writing for everyone else. That's my problem, though. Lately, I say 'yes' to practically everything, thinking it's a good opportunity or thinking "hey, why not?" and then I over-stress myself and then don't have time for things I actually like to do. Like this blog...something I actually used to update because I liked to.

I use to have a lot of readers of this thing. At one point in time, I was updating once or twice a week. But lately, all of my creative energies have been going elsewhere. And I don't do that much stand-up. I mean, I could be trying harder to book shows, but the truth of the matter is I like doing stand-up, but it's not my favorite thing in the world. These comics I see doing open mics and shows all the time, I commend them. But they also probably enjoy it more than I do. I love being on stage, but I get so nervous beforehand, I nearly puke. It's probably because I haven't been doing it that long. I get that. I also do stand-up when I have time, and as a mom to 3 and I have a husband, I don't have a shitload of time. I don't know. I'm rambling.

I keep saying things will be easier once the twins start school. Then I won't worry so much about being out late because yeah, I'll still have to get up early in the morning to take them to school, but then I can come right back home and sleep! I'd also have time to work more on jokes.

I'm getting over 2 weeks of being sick. First, I pulled something in my back, then I got the worse cold I've had in years! I mean, I'm still blowing my nose and have a slightly sore throat. I'm not 100% yet. It's weird, because usually I feel when I'm getting sick and fight it off with sleep, medicine, juice, etc. This time, it came out of nowhere! I was sidelined, severely. I had to cancel a few shows. It sucked.

Thank God I'm okay now. I just got through watching The Jungle Book with my girls and eating popcorn. We all stayed in because of this severely rainy weather. I swear, I would've scoffed at this weather in Chicago. L.A. is changing me, you guys!

So yeah, I'll update this thingy more often and maybe I'll get some of my readers back! Love you guys!

Sorta Exciting updates

While I'm waiting around for something, anything to happen, I think I'm going to keep my writing sharp by writing short stories.

I used to write short stories all the time, you know, before I became a mom and started watching too much tv. And I have time to write, it's not like I'm 24/7 busy. Yes, it is tiring taking care of 3 small children, but there are times when they don't want to be bothered by me. They have each other to play with in their room full of Lalaloopsy dolls, toy dishes and play food. Did I mention that we also have every children's movie that has come out in the past 5 years on blu ray? Yeah, they don't need me 24/7. I do, however, have to listen out for "Owwww!" or "I'm not playing with you anymore!".

At night I have plenty of time to write, though I'm usually quite sleepy around 7pm. Again, I have 3 small daughters, all 3 under the age of 7!

Life has been exciting, when I do get to go out of the house. I got to meet Conan O'Brien yesterday. I was in the audience of his show and got to sit on the front row and after the show, he comes into the audience singing the "End of the show" song, which is hilarious! As he came back down the stairs, past me, he came over and shook my hand! I said "I love you!" he said "I love you too"! Then he started doing that growl thing that he does at female guests, towards ME. Best day of my life. Next to, you know, that wedding thing and the having-kids thing.

If you know me, you know what Conan means to me. I saw him live in Chicago back when I was pregnant with Anneka, almost 7 years ago at the Chicago Theater. Then, I saw him with my mom back in December while she was visiting from Chicago, then I saw the show once again less than a month ago and ran into some of the writers of the show, which was awesome.

I have several people reading my pilot "Jersey Did It", about a young woman who has too much money, but gets bored easily, and is afraid of too many things, which hinders her life. Sound familiar? Well, not the money thing...regardless, I hope I get good feedback on it!

Later Gators.

My "It's Always Sunny" spec snippet

The opening scene of a spec script I wrote for "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia":



INT. BAR - DAY

Sweet Dee and Dennis are having an argument that has gotten really heated.

DEE

You’re an idiot.

DENNIS

You’re an idiot!

CHARLIE

What are we, little kids here?

DENNIS

You shut up Charlie!

DEE

Yeah, shut up!

DENNIS

Well he’s right, it’s a stupid argument! I could obviously get rich quicker than you could!

DEE

No way! Nope. I’m an actress!

DENNIS

So what?!

DEE

I could get a movie, and then pow, overnight millionaire!

DENNIS

Not gonna happen! I, obviously, as the smarter sibling, have more usable talents. I can use tools, hell, I built my own tree house as a kid! Without the help of an adult even, which makes me smarter!

CHARLIE

Ooh, he got you there, Dee!

DEE

How could that possibly make you rich?! Besides, besides...if I remember correctly, the thing broke underneath you and you fell to a horrible near-death!

CHARLIE

Ohhh!

DEE

He needed stitches and dental surgery and everything!

CHARLIE

Whoa, really? That’s pretty bad!

DEE

Making me the winner by default!

DENNIS

Winner of what?!

DEE

I could get rich quicker than you could!

All of a sudden, they hear a large crash. The bar’s floors shake and bottles fly off of the shelf.

They look scared for a moment, then go back to arguing.

CHARLIE

Earthquake?

DENNIS

In Philadelphia?!

CHARLIE

It could, I mean...

DEE

I could to get rich! I could be just hanging out here and all of a sudden, ring, ring...Hello? Yes? Who is this? Steven Spielberg?!

DENNIS

Steven Spielberg isn’t going to call you! He doesn’t know who you are! Why would he call you?! 

DEE

He could call me! And boom, millionaire!

DENNIS

I could be a model! I could get scouted at the mall!

DEE

Highly unlikely!

DENNIS

With this bone structure?! It could happen, it could happen!

Charlie goes over to the bar and picks up a bottle then puts it on the counter.

CHARLIE

He could possibly be a model. I mean, I think.

DENNIS

Really?

CHARLIE

I mean, yeah. Maybe. You do have those cheekbones.

Dennis pulls out a mirror from his pants pocket and starts admiring his cheekbones.

DEE

Charlie?!

CHARLIE

What? I’m just saying...

DEE

I could get a movie, just like that!

DENNIS

It hasn’t happened yet!

DEE

Well you haven’t used any of your ‘usable talents’ to get rich either, you douche!

DENNIS

Do we really need to name call? Are we children?

CHARLIE

Okay, okay...

Both Dee and Dennis seem to pout, like children.

A scene from a sitcom I created called "Jersey Did It"

Here's a scene from a tv show I created called "Jersey Did It", which is about a young woman who lives in L.A. and is the daughter of actor parents. She lives off of their money and her irrational fears of everything keep her from having a normal life. It's a sitcom and I've already written 3 episodes...hopefully coming to a tv screen near you! This scene is from the pilot:

EXT. DINER - DAY

Jersey walks outside with Gavin. She looks at her cell phone.

GAVIN

Expecting a call?

JERSEY

Never. I was checking the time.

GAVIN

Got somewhere to be?

JERSEY

Just wondering if I have time to drop off this check to my bitch sister before the storm begins.

GAVIN

Storm? There’s not gonna be any storm. This is L.A. in the summer...there’s no storm.

JERSEY

The news said there was going to be a storm.

GAVIN

Why are you freaking out over a storm? You’ll be driving! Just take an umbrella! What, are you afraid you’ll melt?

He laughs hysterically at his own joke.

JERSEY

Will you go with me?

GAVIN

I have an audition.

JERSEY

Oh. You’re trying that acting thing again?

GAVIN

Uh. Sorta.

JERSEY

What’s the audition for?

GAVIN

You know, it’s a thing. There’s this thing...a product.

JERSEY

A commercial? Ooh! I hope you get it, those dealies pay a lot. And if it’s a national commercial, you can pay your rent. My friend Artista did this national phone sex commercial a few years back, boy, it sure did buy her a lot of drugs.

GAVIN

Okay, okay, it’s not a commercial. It’s an open call for background work.

JERSEY

Like an extra? Like, you’ll be standing in the background drinking coffee, having a fake conversation under your breath while real actors with real lines are walking past you?

She laughs.

GAVIN

Hey! It pays nicely too! Minimum wage, but it’s more than I’m getting paid writing scripts in the diner on your laptop! Why don’t you ask your sister if they need someone to work on her show?

JERSEY

I’m not asking that hoe bag for any favors. She’s so full of herself. Ooh, look at me, I have a hit show...blah blah blah...

GAVIN

At least mention me, and that I’m a screenwriter??

JERSEY

Okay, okay, I’ll help a brother out...

GAVIN

I don’t think...

JERSEY

Ooh, I’ll pay you! Come work for me, Gavin!

GAVIN

Doing what?

JERSEY

Odds and ends. I have spiders that need to be killed...you can run this check to my bitch sister! 

GAVIN

Why are you dropping off a check to your sister anyway?

JERSEY

I said I’d go halfsies on a anniversary present for our parents that she already bought.

GAVIN

I’m not going to be a personal assistant for someone who doesn’t have a job. Besides, we’ve been friends for too long, I really don’t see that ending well. 

JERSEY

Come on, Gavin! I need an assistant! I’d rather have someone I can trust!

GAVIN

So you can bug my underwear Jersey?! No thank you!

JERSEY

I would never bug your underwear! My friend Artista might though. She has, uh, what’s it called? That thingy you get from too much sex with skeezy guys and you can see bugs literally crawling around in your underjunk...

GAVIN

I love you Jersey, I’d like to keep it that way. Besides, I can’t spend too much time with you. Small doses, Jers. Small doses.

JERSEY

Why does everyone keep saying that to me?!

She begins to whine.

All of a sudden, a single raindrop falls down and hits her in the eye.

JERSEY

Did you see that?!

GAVIN

I didn’t...what?

JERSEY

A raindrop! Screw it, I’m not going all the way to Santa Monica in a rain storm!

GAVIN

You’re from New York, for Gilligan’s sake! You should be used to the rain!

JERSEY

Dude, I’ve been in L.A. too long! Too much sunshine makes you forget...

GAVIN

Too much sunshine made you build up an irritational fear of rain?

JERSEY

Walk me to my car.

The two walk down the street.

JERSEY

Maybe if I just got in and sat there until the storm ended.

GAVIN

There is no storm! The sun is out!

JERSEY

I’m like, way too scared right now. Like, way...too...scared.

She starts to breathe heavily.

JERSEY

I’ll pay you double whatever you had in mind!

GAVIN

I didn’t have anything in mind because I don’t want to work for you! Bye, Jersey!

He walks away quickly.

JERSEY

Gavin, we are no longer friends! Come back, Gavin! Well, fine, screw you then, man! I hope your day gets ruined too! I hope you get run over by a car! A smelly one! (beat) A spider attacked me this morning!

He continues to walk away into the distance. 

She looks up into the clouds and jumps into her car, scared.

"Jersey Did It" a sitcom

(c) 2012 Angie Grace/Scenestealer Productions

My SNL 'Celebrity Jeopardy' sketch I wrote for class...

CELEBRITY JEOPARDY
The contestants are Clint Eastwood, Sean Connery and Lady Gaga.

ALEX TREBEK

And we’re back for Double Jeopardy...for some reason. In the commanding lead, with a negative $4000, is Clint Eastwood.

CLINT EASTWOOD

Has anyone ever told you you look like Alex Trebek?

ALEX TREBEK

No. Never. In second place, with a negative $10,000 is Lady Gaga.

LADY GAGA

Hi my Little Monsters! Put your paws up!

ALEX TREBEK

And in last place, Sean Connery.

SEAN CONNERY

Dead last! You think I’m going away, don’t you, you pompous tart! 

ALEX TREBEK

Let’s just get this over with. Here are our categories...’Potent Potables’, ‘Chewable Vitamins’, ‘Vegetables’, that’s when I show you a picture of a vegetable, and you tell me what it is. Heads up, every one of them is the vegetable broccoli. Broccoli. ‘Colors that End in ‘Red’’, ‘Organisms’, which we should just skip, ‘What You Did Today’ and ‘At the Movies’. Mr. Eastwood, you’re in the lead, so you go first.

CLINT EASTWOOD

Um...hmm...ummm....hmmm...(grunts)...hmmmm...mmmm...mmm...hmmmm...

ALEX TREBEK

Lady Gaga, please pick a category.

She has changed outfits, now wearing a fur bikini, ripped fishnet pantyhouse hanging around her neck like a scarf, and a Green Bay Packers cheese hat on her head.

LADY GAGA

I think everyone should believe in themselves. Remember, you were born this way, baby!

ALEX TREBEK

Mr. Connery.

SEAN CONNERY

I’ll have orgasms for $14 grand.

ALEX TREBEK

That’s not what that says.

SEAN CONNERY

Your mother took an orgasm last night, in my bed, you ponce!

ALEX TREBEK

Colors that end in Red, for $200. This color is the color red.

Lady Gaga buzzes in.

LADY GAGA

It’s the color of passion. It’s the color of blood. Everyone has blood in their veins...passion and emotion is why I do what I do. I do this for My little monsters!

Beep beep.

ALEX TREBEK

No. Anyone? Anyone? You don’t even need to buzz in. Just blurt out the color. Just yell “red”!

Buzzer.

ALEX TREBEK

And your parents should be ashamed of you all.

CLINT EASTWOOD

Is it halftime in America yet?

ALEX TREBEK

What?

CLINT EASTWOOD

I’ll take Orgasms for $100, well, I can afford it...give me, uh...$200.

ALEX TREBEK

You don’t have to pay money out of your pocket.

He looks over and Lady Gaga has on another outfit, this time she’s wearing a Pigeon on her head and a bra that has pyramids on her boobs.

ALEX TREBEK

How did you change so quickly again?? Lady Gaga, pick a category.

LADY GAGA

Yes, I will. And I’ll make my little monsters proud. I’ll take At the Movies for $500, Alex.

ALEX TREBEK

This movie took Marty McFly ‘Back to the Future’.

Clint Eastwood buzzes in.

CLINT EASTWOOD

What is Mrs. Eastwood and Company?

ALEX TREBEK

No, that’s the horrible reality show that involves your wife.

Sean Connery buzzes in.

ALEX TREBEK

Sean Connery.

SEAN CONNERY

I have a reality show that involves your mother...it’s called a sex tape! Ooh!

Sean laughs hysterically.
Buzzer.

ALEX TREBEK

Back to the Future. Back...to the future. You know what, screw this.

He tears up the cards in his hands.

ALEX TREBEK

On to Final Jeopardy!

CLINT EASTWOOD

Is this the second half?

ALEX TREBEK

That category is...you know what...I’ll make one up! Uh...draw a smiley face! Just one! Perhaps two! It can even be a frowny face, which is what I’d draw right about now. You can give the little face hair, I don’t care. Just draw a circle, two eyes perhaps. It doesn’t matter. You don’t even have to give it a mouth and you’ll still win!

The jeopardy music begins. Everyone appears to be thinking really hard.
The music ends and Alex goes over to Lady Gaga, who has again, changed clothing. She now appears to be completely nude.

ALEX TREBEK

Lady Gaga, what happened to your clothes?!

LADY GAGA

People need to learn to be free, stop letting the constraints of society shackle you down to an antiquated notion of...

ALEX TREBEK

(cutting her off)

I said draw a smiley face, and you wrote...

Shows her answer. It’s nothing but slogan phrases that she says.

ALEX TREBEK

You wrote “Go for it”, “Be the best”, “Little Monsters”, “Put your paws up” and “Marriage equality”. You wagered “I was born this way, baby”. I hope not.

He walks away from her as she begins putting her hands up in a pawing motion towards him.
Alex walks over to Clint Eastwood, who is having a conversation with a chair.

CLINT EASTWOOD

(to the chair)

You said you would drive home. I really don’t want to go home yet. Maybe we can stop off somewhere...throw back a few cold ones at a bar. Well you can’t drink if you’re driving...I’m just saying...

ALEX TREBEK

Everyone should be worried about you.

He walks away to Sean Connery.

ALEX TREBEK

And all of the hopes of this game ride on Mr. Connery, whom I do not have high hopes for. I said draw a smiley face, or some sort of face...

He looks over Sean’s podium.

ALEX TREBEK

And I cannot show that on television.

SEAN CONNERY

That’s a face, you pompadore! 

ALEX TREBEK

Yes, it is. 

SEAN CONNERY

Show the good people what the face is doing...did I mention that that is your mother’s face? And guess what she’s doing with her face??

ALEX TREBEK

(cutting him off)

I’m Alex Trebek, and I will be looking for a new job tomorrow. Good night!

Sean Connery laughs hysterically.

If My Eyes are all X'ed with it...

Writing sketches and commercial parodies for my Second City writing class.

This class is like a dream to me. Comedy writing is so much fun.

Yes, all of these sentences are incomplete. Well, not that last one. Or that one.

I'm, like, really tired, dude. I don't even know why I'm sitting here trying to update this thingy. I just feel like I have to be writing something, to stay in the habit. Even if the writing is sophomoric and incorrect. Then am I really getting somewhere?

I had someone read my script for "Hello Again". He loved the first 30 pages. It's important to me that he really likes it. He's a real actor. Not like my bullshitty self. And that's not me feeling down or low, because I am quite the opposite. I just know that I spend more time writing than acting. But in my defense, I was in a play...2 months ago!

I created some new characters for myself. Lisa and I are talking about filming each other's sketches. She actually finished the Second City writing program so her opinion is important to me. And she's talking about directing my film. Now if real actor boy really wants to do it, then I'm finding funding fast! I will do what my girl Tiffanie Debartolo did and keep trying to someone wants to make this damn thing! And I promise, it's a really good script. It really is. I did actual research while writing it. Now if real actor boy reads the whole thing, loves it, says he has to play the part, I might die over...x's for fucking eyes. But what will that do? Can't make the film if my eyes are all x'ed with it...

But he said he had already read the first 30 pages and he was totally in. So tell me to stop overthinking it. Us women overthink a lot of things. Plus, I'm a writer. Writers overthink things. Plus, I think I'm intelligent, and I'm a dramatic person, so those things on top of those other things makes one huge over-thinker.

Okay, this was longer than I expected. My allergies are itchying at my eyes. I'm blarging to bed. I have to walk Ani to kindergarten in the morning. Still can't believe my baby is old enough to be in real school.

Later gators.

Dreamin' of Bieber...but why?

I had a dream last night. It was weird. Justin Bieber was there. That's why it was weird. I don't crush on Justin Bieber. I'm not that familiar with his music, other than "Baby", "Boyfriend" and "Somebody to Love". I don't own any albums. I don't have kids old enough to be crazy about him. It's just weird. Maybe he got into my mind because of a news story? I mean, he does live semi nearby...or maybe because I met Stalker Sarah last week and she's taken 50 billion pictures with him. Hell, I was more interested in the fact that she's met Josh Hutcherson. Either way, strange dream.

And it wasn't anything romantic. I mean, I ran into him somewhere and then we just hung out, talking. We didn't kiss. Yeah, he's 18, it's legal, but still. In the dream, we were just hanging out and talking and I thought "What a cool guy". But in the dream, he talked about his breakup with Selena Gomez. They haven't broken up, right? I wouldn't have half cared before now, but they haven't, have they?

I mean, I don't typically listen to his music, but I don't have anything against him.

So why am I dreaming about Justin Bieber? Lol.

And then I came out up with a film idea based around the dream. I'm working on. More on the way!

Okay, he's kinda cute. I mean, I get it! Lol

Never Me (new poem)

I had on nothing that day

But wearing my heart on my sleeve

And trying my best

Not to think

Emotionless and pale

With grand ideas

You comforted me

And said without words

Things I longed to hear

And tearing down walls

All these walls of fear

I boast about things

But never about love

Trying to hide the disregard

And vulgar phrases

That I only think

No one wants to hear

The poor weep

I follow my shadow

It never follows me

Do I dare even speak?

When nowadays everyone comes clean

But never me

Never ending

Never me.

Next Steps...

So, I'm thinking about what my next step is...considering I'll be in L.A. to work soon. The original plan was to continue doing "Local Couple Wins Lottery", the web series I did as a SAG signatory, that made me eligible to join the Screen Actor's Guild. Well, that looks like it's not going to happen any time soon as I'm the only one of the series actually moving to L.A. right now. I thought about continuing my Improv studies at Second City Hollywood...or The Groundlings (where Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig took Improv) or even I.O. (Improv Olympics, where Tina Fey also went, though the Chicago one...). So I've been pretty confused on what to do.

A talent manager who I'd been in contact with and met with in L.A. had some great advice to me...she wanted me to take some more acting classes once I got there, and actually be more prepared for when she can take me on as a full-on client. Out there, it's harder to get an adult in front of the right people, i.e. casting directors, talent agents, without the right stuff on your resume. Truthfully, I haven't had a bunch of acting training. I took Acting 1 when I went to Columbia College in Chicago, and then I took Acting 1 & 2 at Second City and Improv 1 there also. That's not a bunch of training, truthfully, if I'm looking to get on a sitcom, which is my goal right now. So I told the manager that I would study with a great teacher there, really understand the craft of acting, and then go out and audition for EVERYTHING...so I'll have a pretty pumped up resume by pilot season next year. But at the same time, I really love being behind the camera...and I really want to enter the writing program at Second City. Writing is essentially what makes me the happiest, the one thing that I feel the most confident in, about the acting and the singing.

So, while I'm working on other people's projects as an actor, I'm going to be working on mine. I have two projects coming up with my best friend Jontynise Smith. The first, is a comedic web series I wrote for her to star in, and I play her sister. She plays Abby, a comedy writer who's newly divorced and already questioning if she should enter a relationship with the guy she likes down the hall. It's called "With Haste", and it's bound to angry up certain people I know (clears throat) because I play a lesbian stand-up comedian. Yep. Anyway, I'm directed it and producing it also. And maybe I'll get a signatory contract for it also. On top of that, Jontynise and I are discussing doing a pilot for a show we wrote when we were pregnant with our daughters 5 years ago called "Me, You and Josh" about two best friends/roommates who are in love with the same guy. It's a comedy and it's ridiculous. I might actually start asking for donations to complete these projects, because God knows I need a Mac to edit these bad boys. It was a pain in the ass trying to edit on this POS Dell laptop...it gave me such headaches editing "Local Couple Wins Lottery".

Nevertheless, catch up on it...here's episodes 1-4 of "Local Couple Wins Lottery"!

"Terrible Service" - a short story

I entered the diner and quickly found Albert. He had been sitting there, perhaps a little too long, waiting for me. He seemed displeased with my epic tardiness, but the fact that he continued to wait made me smile just a little. With a frown upon his face, he began the tale of his day including the toast his mother burned and tried to force feed him, and continued his tale of anguish that concludes with my late arrival. He complained of the slow service and the terrible bread on the BLT he apparently scarfed down, seeing as if there was no trace of it on his plate.

I grew annoyed, as he rambled off complaint after complaint, not once asking me why I had shown up an hour late to our supposed lunch date. He had to know that I had absolutely no romantic interest in him and had only agreed to discuss a possibility of us working together.

I sat there, eyes transfixed on the couple across from me, having some sort of heated discussion. It seems that he'd been calling her sister a little too much and she was beginning to question if she should be marrying him at all. I watched the two talk over each other in a loop of "I'm sorrys" and "please don'ts" when Albert stopped talking. He focused his eyes on me, and spoke.

"How do you want her to die?" He asked in a hushed whisper. I gulped at the boldness of his question. We'd always spoken of her as "The problem that needs to be taken care of". Not once, ever, was death, or God forbid, murder ever brought up.

I guess one could inference that is what needed to be done, however challenging it may be. I knew that she was the daughter of a policeman who lived on Long Island. But that was so far away, he would never be given the case. Especially not his own daughter's murder case. I gulped at the boldness of my own thoughts.

"I want her destroyed, Albert! Not dead!" I exclaimed, though in hushed tones. He picked up his glass of water and took long, thirsty gulps. All of a sudden, he seemed more nervous than annoyed.

"I know this is about him. He'd never let her go. She's not going to just go back where she came from. She's not running home to daddy...she's stuck in his brain for good. What did you think would happen?"

I sat there, tapping my foot nervously. I fidgeted. I adjusted my dress. I noticed I had a hang nail and began to bite it. I then focused back on the couple across from us. She had forgiven him. The wedding was no longer in jeopardy. They were kissing and making up. Brendan had never kissed me like that. He never kissed me the way he kissed Delilah. Perhaps he never would. But I would never know with her in the way.

Just then, the waitress came up to our table. It was the first time I'd even seen a waitress in the amount of time I'd been there.

"So, have you made a decision yet?" She asked me, pen and paper in hand.

"I haven't been given a menu…yet". I said, half-smirking, staring at Albert. He smiled back as the waitress walked away to the front of the diner to retrieve a menu.

Albert was right. That diner really did have terrible service. And the bread really was awful.

You Can't Force Someone to Love You

It really trips me out that so many people have been reading this little ol' blog. This thing started out of boredom, then just became an outlet for my musings. Now, I've been using it to update friends, family, well-wishers and haters about my triumphant move to Los Angeles (3 weeks baby! Yeah!).

With that said, I think I haven't been updating this thing enough, really. I mean, that's mostly because I stay pretty busy with the kids and packing and watching a lot of tv (really, pay attention to my GetGlue profile...lol).

I've been going through emotional things when it comes to my family and friends. Not any close friends, thank God, but close family members. For some reason, I'm not allowed to be upset with people in my family, and by upset I mean "crying, you hurt me" upset instead of "I hate you, please die" upset. Some people can't tell the difference. So I tell a certain person that I'm hurt, and I'm crying, it's mistaken for anger and certain people really don't seem to care that I'm moving across the country in less than a month and doesn't want to take advantage of the time they have with me and would instead feel better being angry at me moving across the country and chalk it up to "You're moving to L.A, I assumed I would never see you again"...though this person has no problem going to the south or Las Vegas on gambling trips, it's way too much to take a flight to Los Angeles to see a person you're supposed to love.

But you can't force someone to love you. You can't force someone to care. You can't grab someone and yell at them "why don't you love me?!" because it's not going to make them see you any other way. They're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and admit they're wrong, or apologize or hug and kiss you and say how much they love you. It'll never happen so it's time to let it go. I'm 30, I'm a mom...all I can do is adore my little girls and make sure they never have to question my love for them.

Okay...well...I'm a writer and I just wrote one long run-on sentence. Now I feel sick because I went against several of my rules...including the run-on sentence and using the word "haters".

Laters.

Worry is a Full-Time Job

So the real apartment searching has begun! Well, actually, I guess it really started in November when I was in L.A. actually going to apartments, but that's when we were supposed to be moving December 1st! Either way, the real REAL apartment searching has begun in L.A. and I have some pretty good choices so far! I called some places and the Bestie Jontynise is going to drop by and see a few of them for us and give us her expert apartment-hunting opinion. (Sidenote: She moves a lot! Lol)

Either way, we are almost there! I spoke with the manager who wants to sign the girls and she wants some new photos of them. Wait until she sees the phones from Anneka's 5th birthday party! She looked some amazing, with her long hair done and this beautiful white dress my aunt/her Godmother got her just for the party! And I have video of the three girls dancing in the living room. They're all so charismatic!

I'm still afraid of what's to come once we get to L.A. My three little girls are so special, and I know I feel that way because I'm their mom, but I'm a little afraid that everyone will see how amazing they are too and I have this fear of losing them. Not in a dramatic way, just losing a little part of them that belonged specifically to me. Does that make sense? It may sound crazy to some, especially considering they are my children and I am in control of whether or not they even have careers at such a young age. I know they like to perform, and I know it could mean they'll have money for college, but if at any point they get overwhelmed, or I get overwhelmed, I will pull them out of acting/modeling whatever.

I mean, I actually enjoy them spending time with their dad on his days off, and I get to go around and do some things I've meaning to do, like shopping or running errands, or even just going in the bedroom to write. But then once Bry goes back to work, I also really enjoy having them back to myself. Watching them play together and get in trouble together. Well, maybe not the get in trouble part, but I really do enjoy time alone with the kiddies. They're so funny and smart and I can't believe I can have real conversations with little kids! It still amazes me! Especially lately since the twins have started speaking practically in full sentences! I can't believe they're only 2! And Anneka and I had a conversation last night about the film "Midnight in Paris". I told her what happens in it, including the fact that Owen Wilson's character got to meet Picasso, and she thought that was cool! Then I told her about Ernest Hemingway. She's only 5!

But I'm not going to let fear rule my life. Or ruin it. What will be will be and I'm learning to shut my mind down after a certain hour each night. I should only worry about "what if's" from 9-5. Worry is indeed a full time job! LOL

Writey Rant

It's so hard to write in this house with all of this noise. I woke up this morning to the sound of my kids over-excited about the snow on the ground. Actually, they wake me up every single morning over excited about something...either a toy, a pop tart or jumping off of the toddler beds. Whatever it is, it's hard to concentrate on anything in this house.

Am I destined to be one of those writers who has to take the laptop to Starbucks and be there for hours? I find it hard to concentrate there after a while. Once I hit a wall in the writing, I find myself just watching people coming and going. But at least I can get something accomplished outside of this house. And now, there's snow and ice on the ground and it's 16 degrees in my tiny Chicago suburb. That does not sound like something I want to deal with just to drive a mile to the Starbucks. And I can't sit on the balcony and write.

I had this dream the other night that I had a house in Silverlake, a really nice area in Los Angeles that I went through with Jontynise while I was there. I loved the area, and yes, I can't afford it now, not by a longshot, but now I have a new goal to definitely work towards living there. Either Silverlake or Los Feliz. I'm obsessed with these two areas! I mean, we had coffee in Silverlake where I met with a talent manager, and we just drove through Los Feliz, which I think is just right next door.

And I've been questioning if I should be doing more with my writing, since writing is really the most natural and most fun thing I do, but I really like the challenge of acting. What I like about being a writer out of the gate is that there's always time to write...to some extent. I can write while the girls eat, even if there is the distraction of them getting giggly at some point. Writing is something I can do in the house. Writing is something I can do a mile away at the Starbucks while Bry is home with them. Acting scares me write now because I'm so afraid it's going to take me far, far away from them or be too time consuming. So I decided I'm going to polish my writing. I'm going to enter a writing program, probably at Second City, once I get to L.A. next month. One whole year of the writing program there is like college. And perhaps I can get a literary agent sometime this year and write a spec script for one of my favorite shows. Do you know how much writers make in Hollywood if you write for a show on a major network?! Or if I write a made-for-tv movie?! I can have a house this year if I work hard enough on my writing alone!

And I'm not giving up acting, not at all...I just think I'm a very good writer and I want to explore that more. For now. I'm still going to do web series and hopefully get to join the Writer's Guild sooner than later!

Sorry for this long-ass Writey Rant...I haven't been updating this blog quite enough! By the way, Happy New Year! Thank you to all my readers for getting my blog to over 1800 reads last year! I don't know who's reading this, but I really do appreciate it!!