My "It's Always Sunny" spec snippet

The opening scene of a spec script I wrote for "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia":



INT. BAR - DAY

Sweet Dee and Dennis are having an argument that has gotten really heated.

DEE

You’re an idiot.

DENNIS

You’re an idiot!

CHARLIE

What are we, little kids here?

DENNIS

You shut up Charlie!

DEE

Yeah, shut up!

DENNIS

Well he’s right, it’s a stupid argument! I could obviously get rich quicker than you could!

DEE

No way! Nope. I’m an actress!

DENNIS

So what?!

DEE

I could get a movie, and then pow, overnight millionaire!

DENNIS

Not gonna happen! I, obviously, as the smarter sibling, have more usable talents. I can use tools, hell, I built my own tree house as a kid! Without the help of an adult even, which makes me smarter!

CHARLIE

Ooh, he got you there, Dee!

DEE

How could that possibly make you rich?! Besides, besides...if I remember correctly, the thing broke underneath you and you fell to a horrible near-death!

CHARLIE

Ohhh!

DEE

He needed stitches and dental surgery and everything!

CHARLIE

Whoa, really? That’s pretty bad!

DEE

Making me the winner by default!

DENNIS

Winner of what?!

DEE

I could get rich quicker than you could!

All of a sudden, they hear a large crash. The bar’s floors shake and bottles fly off of the shelf.

They look scared for a moment, then go back to arguing.

CHARLIE

Earthquake?

DENNIS

In Philadelphia?!

CHARLIE

It could, I mean...

DEE

I could to get rich! I could be just hanging out here and all of a sudden, ring, ring...Hello? Yes? Who is this? Steven Spielberg?!

DENNIS

Steven Spielberg isn’t going to call you! He doesn’t know who you are! Why would he call you?! 

DEE

He could call me! And boom, millionaire!

DENNIS

I could be a model! I could get scouted at the mall!

DEE

Highly unlikely!

DENNIS

With this bone structure?! It could happen, it could happen!

Charlie goes over to the bar and picks up a bottle then puts it on the counter.

CHARLIE

He could possibly be a model. I mean, I think.

DENNIS

Really?

CHARLIE

I mean, yeah. Maybe. You do have those cheekbones.

Dennis pulls out a mirror from his pants pocket and starts admiring his cheekbones.

DEE

Charlie?!

CHARLIE

What? I’m just saying...

DEE

I could get a movie, just like that!

DENNIS

It hasn’t happened yet!

DEE

Well you haven’t used any of your ‘usable talents’ to get rich either, you douche!

DENNIS

Do we really need to name call? Are we children?

CHARLIE

Okay, okay...

Both Dee and Dennis seem to pout, like children.

A scene from a sitcom I created called "Jersey Did It"

Here's a scene from a tv show I created called "Jersey Did It", which is about a young woman who lives in L.A. and is the daughter of actor parents. She lives off of their money and her irrational fears of everything keep her from having a normal life. It's a sitcom and I've already written 3 episodes...hopefully coming to a tv screen near you! This scene is from the pilot:

EXT. DINER - DAY

Jersey walks outside with Gavin. She looks at her cell phone.

GAVIN

Expecting a call?

JERSEY

Never. I was checking the time.

GAVIN

Got somewhere to be?

JERSEY

Just wondering if I have time to drop off this check to my bitch sister before the storm begins.

GAVIN

Storm? There’s not gonna be any storm. This is L.A. in the summer...there’s no storm.

JERSEY

The news said there was going to be a storm.

GAVIN

Why are you freaking out over a storm? You’ll be driving! Just take an umbrella! What, are you afraid you’ll melt?

He laughs hysterically at his own joke.

JERSEY

Will you go with me?

GAVIN

I have an audition.

JERSEY

Oh. You’re trying that acting thing again?

GAVIN

Uh. Sorta.

JERSEY

What’s the audition for?

GAVIN

You know, it’s a thing. There’s this thing...a product.

JERSEY

A commercial? Ooh! I hope you get it, those dealies pay a lot. And if it’s a national commercial, you can pay your rent. My friend Artista did this national phone sex commercial a few years back, boy, it sure did buy her a lot of drugs.

GAVIN

Okay, okay, it’s not a commercial. It’s an open call for background work.

JERSEY

Like an extra? Like, you’ll be standing in the background drinking coffee, having a fake conversation under your breath while real actors with real lines are walking past you?

She laughs.

GAVIN

Hey! It pays nicely too! Minimum wage, but it’s more than I’m getting paid writing scripts in the diner on your laptop! Why don’t you ask your sister if they need someone to work on her show?

JERSEY

I’m not asking that hoe bag for any favors. She’s so full of herself. Ooh, look at me, I have a hit show...blah blah blah...

GAVIN

At least mention me, and that I’m a screenwriter??

JERSEY

Okay, okay, I’ll help a brother out...

GAVIN

I don’t think...

JERSEY

Ooh, I’ll pay you! Come work for me, Gavin!

GAVIN

Doing what?

JERSEY

Odds and ends. I have spiders that need to be killed...you can run this check to my bitch sister! 

GAVIN

Why are you dropping off a check to your sister anyway?

JERSEY

I said I’d go halfsies on a anniversary present for our parents that she already bought.

GAVIN

I’m not going to be a personal assistant for someone who doesn’t have a job. Besides, we’ve been friends for too long, I really don’t see that ending well. 

JERSEY

Come on, Gavin! I need an assistant! I’d rather have someone I can trust!

GAVIN

So you can bug my underwear Jersey?! No thank you!

JERSEY

I would never bug your underwear! My friend Artista might though. She has, uh, what’s it called? That thingy you get from too much sex with skeezy guys and you can see bugs literally crawling around in your underjunk...

GAVIN

I love you Jersey, I’d like to keep it that way. Besides, I can’t spend too much time with you. Small doses, Jers. Small doses.

JERSEY

Why does everyone keep saying that to me?!

She begins to whine.

All of a sudden, a single raindrop falls down and hits her in the eye.

JERSEY

Did you see that?!

GAVIN

I didn’t...what?

JERSEY

A raindrop! Screw it, I’m not going all the way to Santa Monica in a rain storm!

GAVIN

You’re from New York, for Gilligan’s sake! You should be used to the rain!

JERSEY

Dude, I’ve been in L.A. too long! Too much sunshine makes you forget...

GAVIN

Too much sunshine made you build up an irritational fear of rain?

JERSEY

Walk me to my car.

The two walk down the street.

JERSEY

Maybe if I just got in and sat there until the storm ended.

GAVIN

There is no storm! The sun is out!

JERSEY

I’m like, way too scared right now. Like, way...too...scared.

She starts to breathe heavily.

JERSEY

I’ll pay you double whatever you had in mind!

GAVIN

I didn’t have anything in mind because I don’t want to work for you! Bye, Jersey!

He walks away quickly.

JERSEY

Gavin, we are no longer friends! Come back, Gavin! Well, fine, screw you then, man! I hope your day gets ruined too! I hope you get run over by a car! A smelly one! (beat) A spider attacked me this morning!

He continues to walk away into the distance. 

She looks up into the clouds and jumps into her car, scared.

"Jersey Did It" a sitcom

(c) 2012 Angie Grace/Scenestealer Productions

Scene from the "Dead Oliver" script

OLIVER
Thanks, by the way.
ANNABELLE
You already said that.
OLIVER
I hope people don’t think you’re my kidnapper.
ANNABELLE
People don’t know who I am.
OLIVER
That’s why I asked you to rent the car.
ANNABELLE
Is there a plan, here, Oliver? Is there? Because sooner or later...
OLIVER
I know.
ANNABELLE
We’re not that far from L.A. Someone could recognize you.
OLIVER
Yeah. I’m not running away.
ANNABELLE
You already did.
OLIVER
I’m not gonna stay gone for long. Look, can we just hang out, just talk?

He gets up from the floor and walks over to the bed, sitting near where she’s standing.

ANNABELLE
Okay. But there has to be a plan. You can’t hide forever.
OLIVER
Okay. But I’m glad you’re hiding with me.
ANNABELLE
I’m not hiding. I have nothing to hide from.
OLIVER
Then why did you agree to rent the car, drive me up the coast?
ANNABELLE
An opportunity to run away with a rock star sounded like fun!
OLIVER
You didn’t even know who I was!
He chuckles.
ANNABELLE
You told me you were a rock star...
OLIVER
You believed me?!
ANNABELLE
I believed your entourage. And your fans.
OLIVER
What were you doing at that hotel anyway?

ANNABELLE
I was staying there. I’m in town for a few days.
OLIVER
You’re not from L.A.?
ANNABELLE
I live in Chicago. I’m from there. This was my first time in L.A.
OLIVER
Wow. What a story to go home with.
ANNABELLE
Oliver...my plane leaves for Chicago in 3 days.
OLIVER
Okay.
ANNABELLE
How long are we hiding here?

She comes and sits on the bed with him.

Dreamin' of Bieber...but why?

I had a dream last night. It was weird. Justin Bieber was there. That's why it was weird. I don't crush on Justin Bieber. I'm not that familiar with his music, other than "Baby", "Boyfriend" and "Somebody to Love". I don't own any albums. I don't have kids old enough to be crazy about him. It's just weird. Maybe he got into my mind because of a news story? I mean, he does live semi nearby...or maybe because I met Stalker Sarah last week and she's taken 50 billion pictures with him. Hell, I was more interested in the fact that she's met Josh Hutcherson. Either way, strange dream.

And it wasn't anything romantic. I mean, I ran into him somewhere and then we just hung out, talking. We didn't kiss. Yeah, he's 18, it's legal, but still. In the dream, we were just hanging out and talking and I thought "What a cool guy". But in the dream, he talked about his breakup with Selena Gomez. They haven't broken up, right? I wouldn't have half cared before now, but they haven't, have they?

I mean, I don't typically listen to his music, but I don't have anything against him.

So why am I dreaming about Justin Bieber? Lol.

And then I came out up with a film idea based around the dream. I'm working on. More on the way!

Okay, he's kinda cute. I mean, I get it! Lol

You Better Be a Comedian!

I had a great show last night! We had a pretty big crowd and I think I just vibed off of that and went for it. My lines came out more naturally I think. I loved getting laughs off of the ridiculousness I have to say! I mean, it sticks to the script of "Reservoir Dogs", and I play the Quentin Tarantino role. I start off the play. As soon as the lights go up, I start talking. Now, if you've seen the play, you know what Quentin, as Mr. Brown, says. It's pretty funny. It always gets laughs from the crowd. And then the girls, my castmates, chuckle and adlib and it makes it even funnier!

The problem is, I think I'm really going to miss doing this every Thursday once the show ends. We only have 2 more shows left! Once the show ends, I think I'm going to just concentrate on getting this screenplay made. I need a literary agent! Like, stat!

So today, I'm just spending the day with the girls, watching them play with their Barbie pools my aunt bought them. Oh, and watching "Alvin and the Chipmunks". And stealing kisses. I say to them "Are you mommy's Mia?" and Mia goes "No!", smiling. So I do sad face and then she goes "Yes!", laughing! I do that to all three of them. Each one of them always says no first, then says yes once I do sad face. What funny kids. I tell them they'd better be stand-up comedians! LOL