Saturday, July 30, 2011

That's How I Roll

Went and saw The Wiggles today with the kids and the hubby. Wasn't as bad of a trip as I thought it was going to be. No one peed themself, no one pitched a tantrum, no one got yelled at...except for the hubby when we walked away from the van in the 95 degree temperature and he announces that he left the tickets in the van! What?!

Ani got to high-five Murray (The Wiggle with the red shirt and the guitar), which was pretty cool and he said "hi" to her, and then on the way back to the van, Mia fell and skinned her knee. As any good, paranoid, over-emotional mom would, I almost started crying, sucked it up, then carried her back to the van. She's okay. We're just trying to figure out how to keep her from picking at it.

Anywho...I have nothing interesting to share...other than I wish I was in L.A. right now. Mostly because I'm sick of the heat and humidity. I wish I was at the beach.

I also realized today that in order to have the body I want, I can't just cut back on certain foods and do yoga twice a week...I seriously need to work out a bunch. I need to push myself harder at the gym. I need to do like 1-2 hr workouts. I need to bust my ass! I need to stop fucking around, seriously. Mama needs to focus. I have that written on the dry erase board in my bubble letters...cause that's how I roll.

Haha. I miss blogging. I was about to hashtag this. I was gonna write #stupid. Oh, wait, I just did. Yeah, I'm on the Twitter entirely too much! Yeah, that's what I call it..."The Twitter"...cause that's how I roll!!!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Passing Scenery

Sometimes, life gets so damn crazy, that you have to step back, let go of the anger and the pain and say "what the fuck is really going on here?" Do you also have trouble sometimes stepping out of a situation and seeing what was really going on?

I was mad at a certain somebody for something I thought she did, without a real explanation. Perhaps I jumped to conclusions. There's one thing to constantly accept your family for who they are, but they're your family and that's all there is. No matter where you go, what you do, you don't just dump them because you can't handle them. I haven't spoken to my brother in over a year. Not because I couldn't "handle" him, but because of consistent pain over the years. Someone who is in your life just to upset and hurt, with no real basis. That, I can't handle. But then there are the people who have hurt you, and you've hurt does one grow without acceptance? Running away from every situation can't be the way. I have a friend I haven't spoken to in years, not by my choice, and now that I'm older, I realize that it would be nice to have her around. It would be nice to share my kids with those who had such a major impact on my life growing up. Those people who I think at one time or another genuinely cared about me, and me for them.

This may be just another rambling blog, without enough information to connect the dots, unless you're really close to the situation. My only point may be that, don't jump to conclusions, allow time to heal, and people aren't just "passing scenery" (from that "Foxfire" movie with Angelina Jolie...remember that? That quote was from the first 5 minutes of the film...Hedy Burress is on roller skates in the hallway, the voiceover says that the kids in school are just "passing scenery", something about faces you go pass on your way to a better place, some shit like that) Either way, sorry for the night ramble.

Just thinking about stuff and crap and serious outloud written thoughts. Okay, I'm done! Bye! (exasperatedly)

Getting Rid of the Clutter

Trying to get the money, trying to find cheap plane tickets...trying to get to L.A. sooner than later. I've been going through a lot of stuff and trying to decide if I absolutely NEED everything. The truth is...I don't! I've always  commended myself on not being materialistic. More recently, I've cared a little more about labels, such as Betsey Johnson handbags, wishing for Louboutin heels, things like that, but I don't NEED that stuff.

So I'm going through old containers of crap, literally, some of it is crap! I found old spiral notebooks that had grocery lists written in it! Then I got to some of my old poetry, old song lyrics, old journals...and you know what? I just tossed it all. I went through everything and made sure there wasn't something of value within that stuff. I mean, honestly, all of the "good" song lyrics and poetry have been typed into a computer for ages. I really didn't need to hold on to that rhyming poem I wrote about that guy I liked in high school, did I? I'm all for memories, but at one point do memories start to take over your life?

I've been accused of living in the past. Maybe I do, to some extent? When I'm low, when I feel mistreated, when I feel down, I go back to that place I was in when I was 17 and I felt I wasn't going to amount to anything and I was never going to be loved. Maybe it's time to move on from those memories! Get rid of the old lyrics, poetry, journals, etc., that remind me of a time completely different from now. Now, I'm very loved. At 17, I never thought I was going to be a mom, now I have three kids! It's amazing how much you change in a little over 10 years. I feel like a totally different person, most days.

I certainly did not expect to be the type of person who adored kids and got on the floor and played with them.

Other than that, I have a busy weekend. I'm putting the packing on hold because we have family fun planned for the weekend! Though I am still exhausted from the power outage and thunderstorms from the last two days!