So it's Valentine's Day..

So it's Valentine's Day, and I'm supposed to be super lovey and excited, but I can't help but feel stressed about this move. We paid the deposit, signed the lease, arranged to have our stuff and car shipped, and last night...I bought the plane tickets. It seems like it's been a long time coming, but it also feels like everything is moving so incredibly fast. In about 2 weeks, we'll be in Los Angeles, to stay, not to visit. I honestly feel like it's going to be a whole new world out there. There are so many more opportunities out there for all of us.

But also, this is my 11 year anniversary with Bry. By anniversary, I mean, of when we first met. We didn't actually technically get together until March of 2001, but we celebrate this as our anniversary. We've been together 11 years, married for 7...and no, I'm not counting around the times we broke up, lol. We've been through a lot together, including being there for each other through tough times. And even though I got him some really cool anniversary/Valentine's Day presents, I'm feeling bad that he got me this really nice thoughtful and beautiful card, and I didn't remember to get him one! I got cards for the girls (Hello Kitty ones that came with magnets and stickers) but I forgot to get him one! And he got me TWO! He got me one that said anniversary, and one that said Valentine's! Yes, I'm terrible. But I did buy him the Kinect for the XBox 360, so he can't complain too much, right? Besides, I blog and tweet all the time about how much I love him, so there. (excuses to make myself feel better)

We're going to take the girls to the Olive Garden for Valentine's. They love LOVE LOVE that restaurant. They mostly like the macaroni and cheese, breadsticks and the salad. We're going to dress them in pretty dresses, and I'm going to wear my new dress from ModCloth! Perhaps I'll post pics later.

Enjoy the rest of your Valentine's, Party People!

Just a few of my favorite things...

Found it at Kohl's on a rack with a bunch of Valentine's Day clearance stuff. Love it. 

It's hanging on the back of our front door for now.

Found this cupcake cookie jar at Kohl's on that same rack. It's awesome.

My Eisley poster collage, that I collectively share with Bry. Yes, they've signed them. The Who's Next one is from years ago, when we first met them at the Double Door in Chicago.

My notebook, by Gwen Stefani. I keep all of my important stuff in here.

A painting Anneka did when she was 3, almost 4 at daycare. She's 5 now.

One of my favorite movies of all time. The writer/director Tiffanie Debartolo is a sweetheart. I've talked to her in the past. She also wrote this amazing book called "God-Shaped Hole".

My absolute favorite movie of all time. It never gets old to me.

These perfect little twin girls that God gave me and I feel so blessed to have in my life. 

Mia Grace and Laila Raine! This is from their 1st birthday. They're 2 1/2 now.

The gorgeous Anneka Lucia. What an amazingly talented, sweet, intelligent little person. 

So happy to have her as my daughter.

The bestest best friend a girl can have. Me and Jontynise at a diner in Glendale, CA. Love her to pieces. Couldn't imagine life without her.

Bry and Anneka. He's an amazing father. He reads her a story every night. He's a great man...destined to do great things. Well, he has already. My Hubby. <3

Never Me (new poem)

I had on nothing that day

But wearing my heart on my sleeve

And trying my best

Not to think

Emotionless and pale

With grand ideas

You comforted me

And said without words

Things I longed to hear

And tearing down walls

All these walls of fear

I boast about things

But never about love

Trying to hide the disregard

And vulgar phrases

That I only think

No one wants to hear

The poor weep

I follow my shadow

It never follows me

Do I dare even speak?

When nowadays everyone comes clean

But never me

Never ending

Never me.

You Can't Force Someone to Love You

It really trips me out that so many people have been reading this little ol' blog. This thing started out of boredom, then just became an outlet for my musings. Now, I've been using it to update friends, family, well-wishers and haters about my triumphant move to Los Angeles (3 weeks baby! Yeah!).

With that said, I think I haven't been updating this thing enough, really. I mean, that's mostly because I stay pretty busy with the kids and packing and watching a lot of tv (really, pay attention to my GetGlue profile...lol).

I've been going through emotional things when it comes to my family and friends. Not any close friends, thank God, but close family members. For some reason, I'm not allowed to be upset with people in my family, and by upset I mean "crying, you hurt me" upset instead of "I hate you, please die" upset. Some people can't tell the difference. So I tell a certain person that I'm hurt, and I'm crying, it's mistaken for anger and certain people really don't seem to care that I'm moving across the country in less than a month and doesn't want to take advantage of the time they have with me and would instead feel better being angry at me moving across the country and chalk it up to "You're moving to L.A, I assumed I would never see you again"...though this person has no problem going to the south or Las Vegas on gambling trips, it's way too much to take a flight to Los Angeles to see a person you're supposed to love.

But you can't force someone to love you. You can't force someone to care. You can't grab someone and yell at them "why don't you love me?!" because it's not going to make them see you any other way. They're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and admit they're wrong, or apologize or hug and kiss you and say how much they love you. It'll never happen so it's time to let it go. I'm 30, I'm a mom...all I can do is adore my little girls and make sure they never have to question my love for them.

Okay...well...I'm a writer and I just wrote one long run-on sentence. Now I feel sick because I went against several of my rules...including the run-on sentence and using the word "haters".

Laters.