Can't Take Them Anywhere

We went into L.A. today. The heart of L.A. If you know me or even follow my blog, you know I live in Glendale, which is kind of a suburb of Los Angeles. It's nice, but sort of boring at times. It's good if you have children. Low crime, good schools, blah blah blah, you get the point. 

Anyway, we headed over to Golden Apple Comics on Melrose. I've been told that celebs shop there pretty often...just not when I'm there. It's okay, though. The last time I was there was for Free Comic Book Day last year to see my dear friend Sherri Dupree-Bemis. She's the singer and guitarist of the awesome rock band Eisley. She was there with her husband Max, lead singer of the band Say Anything and comic book writer. He was there signing and we got to see Sherri and meet their new baby, Lucy!

So we go there today, the twins see the covers of comic books that scare them. There was no crying and I know they're 5, it's just a phase, but geez! Can I take them anywhere now?

Afterwards we went to Target where Anneka got upset because she couldn't find the Pokemon cards she wanted. Again, there was no crying but geez!

Then we had this sweet moment, driving through Silverlake, we came across this reservoir. It was such a serene scene. The breeze, the palm trees blowing in the wind...Anneka almost stepping in dog poop in the grass. We took some cute pictures, then just stood there, gazing at the water and speaking of memories past.

They start school in 2 weeks. 2 weeks! I have to send my twinsies out into the world to have their own lives...outside of me! I'll be okay. I'll be auditioning, looking for writing jobs, going back to iO West to finish the improv program and taking yoga classes. Yep. I'll be alright...I think. 

I Almost Didn't Post This

I don't want this to be one of those "I've had a rough week" posts. Yeah, the point in this blog is to share what's going on with me, but how many times can I say "I've had a rough week" before I feel like I'm whining? Besides, at this point, I know it's just a rough week, not a rough month or year or life and I'll be fine in the end. Because I always am.

So this week, yeah, I'm not doing as much. I've been kind of laying low. It's a mixture of doubting myself (again), questioning what the hell I'm doing and being tired and not eating enough. I've never been a stress eater, I've always been a stress under-eater. I had a fall-out with a friend which I completely still don't understand, and one of my other friends hurt himself and it's really bothering me. I mean, this is someone I've known perhaps a little over a year and I don't hang out with regularly, but him being hurt is fucking with me. I feel bad, but at the same time I can't mommy-at everyone. I had a friend who lived in my building years ago back in Chicago. He was a recovering drug addict, but he was much younger than me and I treated him like a hurt puppy. He was appreciative because he lived far away from his family, but even now if I don't hear from him for a while I text him to make sure he's okay. But perhaps that's just being a caring friend, I don't know. He checked up on me when we had all of these earthquakes last month.

Sometimes I feel excluded from things because people assume I'm busy or have a full life because of the husband and kids. When Bry gets home from work, he usually takes over. Not because I ask him to, but because he wants to. He's like "I haven't seen my girls all day, I'm going to get them ready for bed". So I give him his time to help them brush their teeth, read them a story, blah blah blah. I'm bored a lot, you guys. After 5, 6 o'clock at night, I'm bored. As shit. I cook dinner, then go in the room to call my aunt. We talk for like an hour. Not every day, perhaps once or twice a week. We usually talk about everything and nothing and then talk over one another and laugh about it. She gives me advice, a lot, because I ask for it.

And yeah, I've been talking to my mom again and that's strange, as I mentioned before. We've been estranged for over a year. I'm not getting into specifics, but if you know me, you know the deal. I'm a very sensitive person, perhaps too sensitive for Hollywood, truly. I'm not depressed, because trust me, I've been down that road. I have hope and aspirations and all that good mucky muck. I have a show next week that I'm very excited for. I think really I just need a therapist. I need to talk to someone who I can vent to that's not Bry, who I guess tries to understand, but truly doesn't. He doesn't understand why I put so much pressure on myself and feel like I should be doing more. He doesn't understand the anxiety and the fear of driving. He drives all over L.A. for his work and describes the driving as "annoying" instead of "scary".

So yeah, I guess in order to survive this industry and being a mom and having a shitty upbringing, I guess I have to see a therapist or whatever. I picture some old white dude with glasses asking me "and how did that make you feel?" and over time telling me "I've had enough of your whining! I'll refund your money if you just get the hell outta here and never come back!" Haha! That's both hilarious and sad at the same time!

Paint the town red, or whatever...

So my family will be in town for two weeks! I can't wait to see my mom's face the first time she sees the Hollywood sign and the walk of fame and all of those other tourist-y happy things you show people when they first come to L.A. I hope she doesn't get her hopes up, thinking we'll run into George Clooney or something! Whatever, you never know! I hope to spot at least one celebrity that means something to her! And my Auntie Carol, who helped me discover the magic that was Natalie Wood, I can't wait to take her to Grauman's to see Natalie's handprints. It was a little emotional for me when I came here back in November for the first time. Natalie Wood has always had a special place in my heart. Her movies, her acting, her life story, just moves me. What an amazing person.

You know what else family visits mean?! Baby-sitters! The husband person and I are going to paint the town red, or whatever color people say. Why red, though? What does that even mean? Red with envy because we're out and no one else is? But everyone else is out, that's how they're seeing us. It's not like we're the only people that can go out...okay, I'm rambling.

I got a big announcement coming in the next few weeks. Just you wait! More work for me! More nerve-wrecking, knocking-me-out-of-my-comfort-zone work! But hey, that's what the fuck I came here for!

Laters.

You Can't Force Someone to Love You

It really trips me out that so many people have been reading this little ol' blog. This thing started out of boredom, then just became an outlet for my musings. Now, I've been using it to update friends, family, well-wishers and haters about my triumphant move to Los Angeles (3 weeks baby! Yeah!).

With that said, I think I haven't been updating this thing enough, really. I mean, that's mostly because I stay pretty busy with the kids and packing and watching a lot of tv (really, pay attention to my GetGlue profile...lol).

I've been going through emotional things when it comes to my family and friends. Not any close friends, thank God, but close family members. For some reason, I'm not allowed to be upset with people in my family, and by upset I mean "crying, you hurt me" upset instead of "I hate you, please die" upset. Some people can't tell the difference. So I tell a certain person that I'm hurt, and I'm crying, it's mistaken for anger and certain people really don't seem to care that I'm moving across the country in less than a month and doesn't want to take advantage of the time they have with me and would instead feel better being angry at me moving across the country and chalk it up to "You're moving to L.A, I assumed I would never see you again"...though this person has no problem going to the south or Las Vegas on gambling trips, it's way too much to take a flight to Los Angeles to see a person you're supposed to love.

But you can't force someone to love you. You can't force someone to care. You can't grab someone and yell at them "why don't you love me?!" because it's not going to make them see you any other way. They're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and admit they're wrong, or apologize or hug and kiss you and say how much they love you. It'll never happen so it's time to let it go. I'm 30, I'm a mom...all I can do is adore my little girls and make sure they never have to question my love for them.

Okay...well...I'm a writer and I just wrote one long run-on sentence. Now I feel sick because I went against several of my rules...including the run-on sentence and using the word "haters".

Laters.