Still Shaken (no pun intended)

I'm not gonna lie, you guys. I'm still shaken, no pun intended. I barely slept last night. And yes, there are people who are all "that earthquake wasn't even that bad", but um, I've been here 2 years and never felt anything like that.

Yeah, back in Chicago there were tornado warnings. Never any tornadoes. Never. Perhaps there were tornadoes further out, like say, Morris or somewhere. Where I lived in the southwest suburbs, we had a crapload of tornado warnings and tornado watches. There were a few times where I had to run into the basement with baby Ani. There were times where we'd be watching the news to find out when a tornado would hit Chicago Ridge. It never happened, thank God, but we lived in fear.

I'm really hoping this is making sense. I'm really tired, really sleepy, and trying to write something about how tired I am, while watching Rick & Morty.

And I knew what to expect, coming out to L.A. But there has been several earthquakes in the Los Angeles area over the 2 years we've been here and I've barely felt any. The first one I actually felt, it was so small. Nothing was knocked down, and no one felt it but me. Bry didn't even believe me about it until we saw it on the news. The second one, I wasn't even sure it was an earthquake. I had to go to Twitter to even find out if that was one.

But now, every time things get a little too quiet, I can hear the way the sliding doors to my bedroom closet sounded when they started shaking. Or how it scared us and Ani out of our sleep. Or how I was shaking for a few hours afterwards.

I'm scared of a lot of things, I know, but I guess being an earthquake newbie, I have a right to be scared about this still. And I slept, a little bit last night, with the tv on. It kept my mind from wandering too much. I caught an episode of that old Adult Swim show Sealab 2021 and now the theme song is super stuck in my head. Now, everytime I hear that song for the next 50 years, I'll think of my very first real earthquake.

Praying there are no more. At least not for a long time. Perhaps 50 years?

Earthquake?! Tweet about it!

Yeah, we just had an earthquake. I'm fine, the kids are fine, Bry's fine. Everybody's fine. It was a 4.4, which I guess isn't huge by Los Angeles standards, but it still scared the fark outta me!

Earthquake! I felt that.
— Angie Grace (@AngieGraceLA) March 17, 2014

I've been in L.A. now for 2 years. The first little earthquake I felt I was like "whoa, I think that was an earthquake". The second one I felt, Bry didn't feel it and we were going back and forth on whether or not it actually was one. I was all "Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was!" and then I turn on the news and they announced we'd just had one. This morning was different.

That's what it looked like on the seismocam this morning. #ShamrockShake #earthquake pic.twitter.com/rM9NwfhRYR
— Jonathan Lloyd (@JonathanNBCLA) March 17, 2014

I was asleep, Bry was asleep. I remember feeling the bed moving and our sliding closet doors, which were open, knocking together and making a terrible sound! We both jumped up and ran for the girls' room. Ani was sitting up in bed and the shaking had stopped. That's how quick it was, just 20 seconds, perhaps. Mia moved in her bed, Laila didn't move. We comforted Ani then Bry went to Mia, who'd laid back down. I sat on Laila's bed. Laila was so knocked out, she didn't feel a thing!

There was no crying, thank goodness. I guess it scared Ani, but she's a pretty tough kid so she didn't freak out. Mia says now that she felt it, but she doesn't seem rattled by it. But they don't know what earthquakes can do if they're stronger or what aftershocks are.

I grabbed my phone after a few minutes to see what people were saying on Twitter. Of course, my timeline just looked like this "was that an earthquake?", "that was an earthquake!", and of course the obligatory joke from a comedian "Wow, it's St. Patrick's Day! I guess it was time for a Shamrock shake!", which I thought was funny. Of course my friend, comedian and actor Josh Fadem made the joke that the earthquake made his snuggie fall off! I read that to the girls and that made my girls laugh too!

@AngieGraceLA my snuggie fell off!!
— Josh Fadem (@joshfadem) March 17, 2014

So that was the first big quake I've felt. And I'm not going to lie...I'm still a little scared, and I have to act like it's no big deal because of my little girls. I've said several times today "earthquakes happen here all the time, we'll get used to them", but someone try to convince me of this!

Chicago winters don't sound so bad right now.

And in case you were wondering...my Precious Moments figurines are just fine.

Sorta Long, Image Heavy Ramblings

So I've been way too busy! I'm not really complaining, but I'm pretty sure I used to update this blog wayyyyy more!

First off, I've been writing for this amazing site called HelloGiggles! I was asked by Molly McAleer (writer of 2 Broke Girls and co-founder of HG) to be a regular contributor! I have my own author page and everything! Pretty excited about it! I even wrote an article about how I became a contributor to the site, which started with me taking the Warner Brothers studio tour! They really should have me do commercials for their tours!

In the meantime, in between writing articles (Look for my interview with Sherri Dupree-Bemis of Eisley in the next week!), I've been hitting up the comedy clubs, doing research for my own show! Yep, I booked a show, as part of the open competition at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, CA! I've been watching other comics and paying attention to their styles, how they walk the stage, how they handle the mic, etc. I even watch them before they go on stage. I'm doing a few open mics this coming week, trying to get ready and work on some material so I can go out there on the 7th and KILL! I'm really excited!

My husband pointed out to me that all these great things have been happening to me in just a little over a month! There was the studio tour, that led me to meeting the writers of "2 Broke Girls", then I started improv class at iO in Hollywood, I got an Emmy-award winning writer to agree to read my pilot "Jersey Did It" and give me feedback, I got feedback from a former SNL writer, I went to Conan as a VIP and met Conan and he flirted with me, won a contest through HBO for the show "Girls", won several contests just by retweeting a link and got free tickets to go to both the Laugh Factory and the Comedy Store, got to meet and get great advice from Nyima Funk, who wrote for Nick Cannon's "Wild & Out", met several people from the show "Mash Up", including Marc Evan Jackson, met Larry Joe Miller from "According to Jim", Keegan-Michael Key (a huge comedic inspiration), talked to Kelly Oxford and Jenny Johnson, met Brent Morin, who's a stand-up comedian and starring in a tv show for NBC in the fall, oh, and met my current obsession/comedic inspiration Chris D'Elia from the show Whitney. I've seen him perform three times now and got to talk to him twice. Conversations. He knows me by name. He hugged me. Are my eyes x's yet??

There have been a few other things that I'm not reporting yet.

Oh! And I have a writer's workshop with Brian Stack from Conan tomorrow. Then improv on Sunday.

It's great to finally be busy and not bored.

I saw Dane Cook live! Surprised the hell out of the crowd this week!

Chris D'Elia killin' it!

Me and Brent Morin. Has one of the funniest sets you'll ever see! Really nice guy too!

Chris D'Elia and me, outside of the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood. Love this guy so damn much. Don't worry, Bry was there and Bry thinks he's pretty cool too!

Yep, this happened! Everybody was freakin' hilarious! 

Maribeth Monroe and Andy Cobb. Yes, she's on Workaholics, one of the funniest shows on TV. They're part of The 313 improv. Saw the show twice now at Second City.

This is what I won from the HBO show "Girls". It was all Hannah had written for her book. Also, that same frame is on her wall in her apartment on the show.

One of my articles on HelloGiggles.com

The first time I met Chris D'Elia, at the Comedy Store. One of the greatest nights of my life. I introduced myself and he goes "Oh, I know you from your tweets!" and I said "Yeah, I probably tweet at you too much, I'm not a stalker or anything" and he goes "No, it's cool" and he laughed. When I saw him a week later with  Bry at the Laugh Factory, we were talking outside and I said "I'm way calmer this time. I think I said some stupid shit last time" and he said "Don't worry about it, no you didn't" and he gave me a hug. Sweet guy. 

My lovely friend Comedienne Carmen Barton offered to make this flyer for my show! She took time out of her uber busy schedule to make this for me! Love her to death! She's going to be on NickMom Night Out soon!

Larry Joe Campbell from "According to Jim", and part of The 313 improv!

Me and Nyima Funk and her adorable little baby boy, Moze! This was after another 313 show.

I met Keegan-Michael Key! What a great guy. We talked for a few minutes after The 313 show at Second City. He thought it was cool I was from Second City in Chicago!

But It's Cool Tho...

I had a little bit of family drama today, but I'm cool. This is the same person who does this quite often, so I'm used to it. No point in even getting all upset like I used to. I'm a grown woman now and his words can't affect me the way they used to. Moving on.

I try to keep drama out of my life. I got rid of a negative person from my life recently because I realized that all she was looking for was drama and negativity. Besides, when you start to realize you can't stand being around someone or when your phone rings you think "I hope it's not her", it's probably time to just let that friendship go. I didn't miss the ghetto stories, the "that dude ain't shit" stories or the "nigga please" stories or the "I know what I did was stupid, but I love him..". I keep that stuff out of my life entirely. That's why I don't watch Tyler Perry movies. That crap just annoys me now.

Besides, you start to realize that some people are just talk. Plain and simple. I feel happier, freer without certain elements in my life. Just because someone is blood related to you, doesn't mean you have to take their abuse. Just because you've known someone most of your life doesn't mean you have anything in common or even on the same page.

And I'm sick of biting my tongue and worrying what people think of me or are saying behind my back. I grew up wondering who was talking about me behind my back. That's all bullshit now. I realized if I don't want to deal with certain people, I don't have to, and I'm not going to feel guilty for not calling someone or hanging out with someone. If you don't like a person, then just leave them alone!

I live a pretty drama-free life here in L.A. Yeah, sometimes it gets a little dull, but thank God I have so much stuff coming up to keep me busy, things won't be dull anymore. Bry and I have been exploring L.A. on our own, without the kiddies. Thank God for my family visiting so much! My mom referred to me and the girls as her "4 Princesses". That made me smile. My family actually misses me. That's pretty awesome. I miss them, and I miss Chicago, but I don't miss the cold. Or the snow. Oh God, the snow. Thank God I don't have to deal with that this winter!!!

15 Things I plan to do with my recovery time...

Okay, so I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow morning. Then, after that, Bry, the husband, has 5 days off from work so I can recover. I plan to be in the bed moaning and in pain, or so he thinks. Really, in my mind, I'm going to be chilling and taking a mini-vacay. Here is a list of things I plan on doing while Bry is in the other room taking care of our 3 kids:

1. Watching the funniest DVDs of failed tv shows that I own: The Sarah Silverman Project, Stella, Clone High and Clerks: Uncensored. Yeah, boy!!

2. Netflix! I still need to catch up on Pretty Little Liars! My auntie Carol keeps going "Catch up! It gets really good!"

3. Crank texting people. I'm going to text random 213 and 323 (L.A. area) numbers and be like "I found a script at a Starbucks. It's really good" or "I saw you the other day in Hollywood. You're really hot".

4. Work on my comedy writing portfolio.

5. Pretend to be asleep everytime hubby comes in the room with a crazy question like "Should I give them dinner now" or "What should I cook them for dinner?" or "Are you in pain?"

6. Call Bry on his cell phone from my cell phone everytime I need something, like ice cream or a glass of water.

7. Finish reading this Mindy Kaling book then find something else to download and read from the Kindle store. I'm think Sarah Silverman's "The Bedwetter".

8. Come up with ideas for the play Lisa and I are going to write and put on somewhere here in L.A. sometime in the near future.

9. Text my mom and aunts, saying that I can't talk cause my mouth is too hurty.

10. Play with my Lalaloopsy dolls uninterrupted, without the kids. Ani is always trying to take Jewel Sparkles from me! Dammit!

11. Call my mom and just moan. Make her feel sorry for me, then maybe, perhaps, she'll move her happy ass out here to L.A. I can't even imagine any reason why she'd want to stay there when her awesome lovely daughter lives here. I mean, come on!

12. Play Scramble with Friends on my Kindle and my cell. Yep, both things. Have you played that game? Hella fun!

13. Create a wish list of things I want from Forever 21.

14. Figure out what I'm going to do for the rest of the year. Yes, some people need real plans. I need a real plan. I'm thinking of taking another writing class, this time at I.O. west, and buying up a whole set of yoga classes over here in Silver Lake. Gotta get ready for pilot season!

15. Tweet at celebs, begging them to read my blog. Yep, No shame. No shame at all.

Laters.

Head Amputation and Other reasons I'm afraid of having my wisdom teeth removed...

Reasons I'm afraid to get my wisdom teeth pulled:

1. There will be an earthquake right after the dentist has pulled a tooth and the shaking of the Earth jumbles the tooth out of his hand and down my throat. I'll then choke and die. Hey, this is L.A., it could happen.

2. My face will be so swollen people will think I'm fatter than I actually am. (especially through a car window. That'll be that one time Josh Hutcherson is in the next car.)

3. I'm afraid my dentist will try some over-the-shirt action while I'm asleep (or under the shirt...hey, I watch the news)

4. The dentist will trip and fall while I'm unconscious and accidentally knock into one of my other teeth, breaking it into a zillion pieces with a scalpel (or whatever they use to cut the tooth out of the gum. Don't tell me, seriously)

5. Afraid them bitches will grow back and I'll have to go through it all over again.

6. My kids will see me moaning and with a swollen face and think mommy has been bitten by some sort of monster and has turned into said monster.

7. The dentist will pull other teeth accidentally, instead of said wisdom teeth.

8. Pulling the wisdom teeth will make me dumb. (Lack of wisdom)

9. When he goes to pull the teeth, they'll disintegrate into a fine powder, therefore choking me. (I really should've had these bitches pulled a long time ago)

10. I'll end up with a surgery-related infection and will need to have my head amputated.

Whiny Baby

It's been a rough week, between missing Bry when he's working and trying to figure out where this film should go. I don't know.
Maybe I just think too much.
Then I hurt my back, carrying around the toddlers.
But on the plus side, I've been doing a lot of activities with them, including baking cookies, painting, coloring and teaching them letters. Ani already knows her letters, so she's been helping the twins learn theirs.
Then last night we stayed up and watched the Olympics opening ceremonies. So yeah, it was a rough few days, but I'm feeling better about everything now.
I was probably just being a whiny baby. Just like I'm being a whiny baby about having to go get my wisdom teeth removed. I would rather give birth again then to have dental surgery! My God...and I really don't want to give birth again! Lol

Laters.

Only a Phone Call Away...

I had a panic attack today.
This shizz is getting ridiculous.
Thank God my mom was only a phone call away.

In other news, I fell asleep last night with my head on Bry's chest. Suhhhweeeet. It really was. He pulled me over and told me to lay on him. We then fell asleep in each other's arms. I then woke up and was up for a while playing Words with Friends on my phone and watching an old episode of South Park with Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo.

On the plus side, after my little breakdown this morning, I came out of the bathroom and the kids were none the wiser, then I spent the rest of the day making them happy, which made me happy. They colored some really pretty pictures today.

I just need more sleep. More rest. More fun.

Back to work on writing "Dead Oliver" with Lisa Shows as a feature film. We'll probably film Spring 2013! Still fundraising!
www.indiegogo.com/deadoliverfilm

In the meantime, have you seen this? Me and Bry were doing a web show for a small amount of time, like, 5 years ago! Yes, this is old...

Adventures in Lala Land

Here are just a few videos from the past few weeks of my life in L.A., including the twins eating cupcakes on their 3rd birthday!

Dreamin' of Bieber...but why?

I had a dream last night. It was weird. Justin Bieber was there. That's why it was weird. I don't crush on Justin Bieber. I'm not that familiar with his music, other than "Baby", "Boyfriend" and "Somebody to Love". I don't own any albums. I don't have kids old enough to be crazy about him. It's just weird. Maybe he got into my mind because of a news story? I mean, he does live semi nearby...or maybe because I met Stalker Sarah last week and she's taken 50 billion pictures with him. Hell, I was more interested in the fact that she's met Josh Hutcherson. Either way, strange dream.

And it wasn't anything romantic. I mean, I ran into him somewhere and then we just hung out, talking. We didn't kiss. Yeah, he's 18, it's legal, but still. In the dream, we were just hanging out and talking and I thought "What a cool guy". But in the dream, he talked about his breakup with Selena Gomez. They haven't broken up, right? I wouldn't have half cared before now, but they haven't, have they?

I mean, I don't typically listen to his music, but I don't have anything against him.

So why am I dreaming about Justin Bieber? Lol.

And then I came out up with a film idea based around the dream. I'm working on. More on the way!

Okay, he's kinda cute. I mean, I get it! Lol

Touristy and Weight-lossy things

I've had an interesting week.

My mom and aunts came to visit from Chicago. We spent a lot of time just driving around and showing them the touristy places around L.A.

Also, I've been jogging! I'm still trying to drop some weight, and none of my clothes fit...everything is hanging off of me. Excuse to shop! It's really cool. I'm finally losing the baby weight...from 3 years ago! But keep in mind, I had twins! I had 3 pregnancies back to back...first Ani in 2006, then I got pregnant and had a miscarriage in 2008, then got pregnant with the twins right after. So the weight piled on, and now I'm really working harder to lose it. I'm thinner right now than I've been in a long time.

Well, we're off to show my Auntie Martha the Hollywood sign. She's never seen it before.

Did I mention I met Stalker Sarah at Chateau Marmont? Right before Lindsay Lohan drove by! lol

Later gators.

Me and my mom

At Chateau Marmont with Stalker Sarah!

The twinsies on their 3rd birthday on June 4th!

Where They Get this From

I'm having a pretty good week. I woke up early this morning, before hubby had to start getting ready for work, and decided to go to Intelligentsia, this nice coffee bar in Silver Lake, which is not too far from my house. I got up, went there, found parking on the street and sat there drinking my chai latte and talking to my mom about why she's afraid to move to California. Okay, I get it, the earthquakes, the wildfires the mudslides, I get it, I really do. Those things are part of the reason why I never moved here before, truthfully. But in Chicago, I was afraid to drive around! I was afraid to go into the city for auditions and for my acting classes. I still did it, but I really got to the point of being terrified of getting shot in the face. Nobody wants to get shot in the face. Not to say that it couldn't happen here, because obviously, crime happens in L.A. too, duh! It just got to a point where people I grew up with were getting killed back to back. I lost two old friends in a month period! One in December, right before Christmas, and then again in January! The gang violence just got out of control and it wasn't just in one area, it was all over. It got dangerous to go downtown. I still love Chicago, I really, I do. I love it for its beauty and I love it because of its history and because of Second City and the amazing people that have come out of there and made great things of themselves. I'm just a little afraid of getting shot in the face. That's all.

But, in hindsight, there was an earthquake here today. A relatively small one, so small I didn't feel it and wouldn't even had known about it if it wasn't for the fact that it was a top story on Yahoo. So for a few hours after reading that, I thought I felt the floor shaking. At one point, Anneka's water bottle fell off the counter and hit the floor. I jumped like "what was that?" and Ani was like "I don't know". I was like "did you feel the floor move?" and she goes "No!" looking at me, like I'm crazy.

These kids...I'm sitting here trying to write this blog, and I've had to stop like 7 times. They're supposed to be eating dinner, and I'm at the table with them, but they're clowning around. I don't know where they get this snizz from. Clownshoe babies. Everything is a joke to them. Absolutely no clue where they get this from...

Yes, this is really how they are at dinnertime. I probably should be all "Knock it off! Have better table manners!" But whatever, they're little kids. And it's funny!

Your Beauty is My Muse

So we're driving through Griffith Park, going up into the hills, blasting Sucre's new album, and realizing that I belong here. I've never been this happy. All of the hard work, sacrifice, arguments and positive thinking finally got us here. We drove up to the Griffith Park Observatory, where parts of Rebel Without a Cause was filmed. Now I want to watch it again and relive that magical first time I saw that film and it changed my life. The first time I really saw Natalie Wood and just fell awesomely in love with her. After that film, I decided she was my favorite actress and saw "Love With the Proper Stranger", which is now one of my favorite films of all time.
And James Dean. My God. James Dean. To find out years later that we share a birthday (February 8th). What an amazing actor he was. He was so compelling in that film.

I'm writing a film right now that I think is going to change my life. I have so much hope and faith in the idea and I think I'm doing my best writing to date. I'm obsessed with it. I spent hours listening to Sucre in the bedroom the other day with Bry, and I was sitting up in bed with my laptop open and just writing and writing, and checking notes that I had written a few months back when I first began writing this script. And I can see it. It looks like a completed film in my mind. I feel like this could be the script that finally garners attention for me. It's going to be the story that gets me my house on a hill in Silverlake or Los Feliz. It's going to be the story that changes my life. And I'm halfway done with the first draft. I'm not going to talk about what it's called, what it's about, blah blah blah yet. I'll get there, at some point. Right now, I'm just concentrating on the journey.

These experiences that I'm having gives me these beautiful ideas. Looking from the Griffith Observatory and realizing we were so high up that we could see the Hollywood sign and pretty much all of Los Angeles, just inspired me. L.A., your beauty is my fucking muse.

When we went to Santa Monica pier last week, and we were driving along the freeway and realized that there was this thick fog covering the area and the temperature began to drop drastically and we were cold, but yet I still got out of that car and walked across the sand and put my feet in the ocean. That was the first time I'd ever been to the ocean. And yes, it was cold, and yes, I had a two year old on my hip who thought she would have to get wet too...(I told Mia "I'm not putting you in the water...I'm your mommy, don't you trust me??" and my gorgeous girl said "No"! LOL) I just let the water wash over my feet a couple of times, and that was good enough to get me just a little emotionally. I'd finally made it here. I finally made it to L.A.

These experiences are leading up to something. And there's still a lot left to explore. There's still Venice Beach! There's still Zuma Beach! There's Malibu! Pacific Coast Highway! A bunch of things left to explore in L.A. Can't wait!!!

Mia, at the observatory today. Love my girls!

A Really Nice Place with a Great View

It's kinda hard moving across the country, getting things in order, finding your way around a new city, and being sick all week. I believe I got sick first, just a sore throat and stopped up nose. Then, going through Hollywood in my best friends' car, on the way back, Mia throws up, then is running a fever. Then Laila threw up in our van a few days later. Now Bry is sick. And it's chilly in L.A. right now! Oh, and it's warm as crap in Chicago right now! Talk about luck...

But we got all of our stuff, we went to Ikea and Target and got a new dresser, bookshelves, hangers, etc. and Bry has been putting stuff together. It's a really nice place with a great view!

Oh, and did I mention Bry has to go back to Chicago temporarily?! Yeah, it's making me all suicide-y.

I'm not going to dwell on that right now. We're watching "Breaking Bad", which is an amazing show! Laters.

Next Steps...

So, I'm thinking about what my next step is...considering I'll be in L.A. to work soon. The original plan was to continue doing "Local Couple Wins Lottery", the web series I did as a SAG signatory, that made me eligible to join the Screen Actor's Guild. Well, that looks like it's not going to happen any time soon as I'm the only one of the series actually moving to L.A. right now. I thought about continuing my Improv studies at Second City Hollywood...or The Groundlings (where Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig took Improv) or even I.O. (Improv Olympics, where Tina Fey also went, though the Chicago one...). So I've been pretty confused on what to do.

A talent manager who I'd been in contact with and met with in L.A. had some great advice to me...she wanted me to take some more acting classes once I got there, and actually be more prepared for when she can take me on as a full-on client. Out there, it's harder to get an adult in front of the right people, i.e. casting directors, talent agents, without the right stuff on your resume. Truthfully, I haven't had a bunch of acting training. I took Acting 1 when I went to Columbia College in Chicago, and then I took Acting 1 & 2 at Second City and Improv 1 there also. That's not a bunch of training, truthfully, if I'm looking to get on a sitcom, which is my goal right now. So I told the manager that I would study with a great teacher there, really understand the craft of acting, and then go out and audition for EVERYTHING...so I'll have a pretty pumped up resume by pilot season next year. But at the same time, I really love being behind the camera...and I really want to enter the writing program at Second City. Writing is essentially what makes me the happiest, the one thing that I feel the most confident in, about the acting and the singing.

So, while I'm working on other people's projects as an actor, I'm going to be working on mine. I have two projects coming up with my best friend Jontynise Smith. The first, is a comedic web series I wrote for her to star in, and I play her sister. She plays Abby, a comedy writer who's newly divorced and already questioning if she should enter a relationship with the guy she likes down the hall. It's called "With Haste", and it's bound to angry up certain people I know (clears throat) because I play a lesbian stand-up comedian. Yep. Anyway, I'm directed it and producing it also. And maybe I'll get a signatory contract for it also. On top of that, Jontynise and I are discussing doing a pilot for a show we wrote when we were pregnant with our daughters 5 years ago called "Me, You and Josh" about two best friends/roommates who are in love with the same guy. It's a comedy and it's ridiculous. I might actually start asking for donations to complete these projects, because God knows I need a Mac to edit these bad boys. It was a pain in the ass trying to edit on this POS Dell laptop...it gave me such headaches editing "Local Couple Wins Lottery".

Nevertheless, catch up on it...here's episodes 1-4 of "Local Couple Wins Lottery"!

You Can't Force Someone to Love You

It really trips me out that so many people have been reading this little ol' blog. This thing started out of boredom, then just became an outlet for my musings. Now, I've been using it to update friends, family, well-wishers and haters about my triumphant move to Los Angeles (3 weeks baby! Yeah!).

With that said, I think I haven't been updating this thing enough, really. I mean, that's mostly because I stay pretty busy with the kids and packing and watching a lot of tv (really, pay attention to my GetGlue profile...lol).

I've been going through emotional things when it comes to my family and friends. Not any close friends, thank God, but close family members. For some reason, I'm not allowed to be upset with people in my family, and by upset I mean "crying, you hurt me" upset instead of "I hate you, please die" upset. Some people can't tell the difference. So I tell a certain person that I'm hurt, and I'm crying, it's mistaken for anger and certain people really don't seem to care that I'm moving across the country in less than a month and doesn't want to take advantage of the time they have with me and would instead feel better being angry at me moving across the country and chalk it up to "You're moving to L.A, I assumed I would never see you again"...though this person has no problem going to the south or Las Vegas on gambling trips, it's way too much to take a flight to Los Angeles to see a person you're supposed to love.

But you can't force someone to love you. You can't force someone to care. You can't grab someone and yell at them "why don't you love me?!" because it's not going to make them see you any other way. They're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and admit they're wrong, or apologize or hug and kiss you and say how much they love you. It'll never happen so it's time to let it go. I'm 30, I'm a mom...all I can do is adore my little girls and make sure they never have to question my love for them.

Okay...well...I'm a writer and I just wrote one long run-on sentence. Now I feel sick because I went against several of my rules...including the run-on sentence and using the word "haters".

Laters.

Writey Rant

It's so hard to write in this house with all of this noise. I woke up this morning to the sound of my kids over-excited about the snow on the ground. Actually, they wake me up every single morning over excited about something...either a toy, a pop tart or jumping off of the toddler beds. Whatever it is, it's hard to concentrate on anything in this house.

Am I destined to be one of those writers who has to take the laptop to Starbucks and be there for hours? I find it hard to concentrate there after a while. Once I hit a wall in the writing, I find myself just watching people coming and going. But at least I can get something accomplished outside of this house. And now, there's snow and ice on the ground and it's 16 degrees in my tiny Chicago suburb. That does not sound like something I want to deal with just to drive a mile to the Starbucks. And I can't sit on the balcony and write.

I had this dream the other night that I had a house in Silverlake, a really nice area in Los Angeles that I went through with Jontynise while I was there. I loved the area, and yes, I can't afford it now, not by a longshot, but now I have a new goal to definitely work towards living there. Either Silverlake or Los Feliz. I'm obsessed with these two areas! I mean, we had coffee in Silverlake where I met with a talent manager, and we just drove through Los Feliz, which I think is just right next door.

And I've been questioning if I should be doing more with my writing, since writing is really the most natural and most fun thing I do, but I really like the challenge of acting. What I like about being a writer out of the gate is that there's always time to write...to some extent. I can write while the girls eat, even if there is the distraction of them getting giggly at some point. Writing is something I can do in the house. Writing is something I can do a mile away at the Starbucks while Bry is home with them. Acting scares me write now because I'm so afraid it's going to take me far, far away from them or be too time consuming. So I decided I'm going to polish my writing. I'm going to enter a writing program, probably at Second City, once I get to L.A. next month. One whole year of the writing program there is like college. And perhaps I can get a literary agent sometime this year and write a spec script for one of my favorite shows. Do you know how much writers make in Hollywood if you write for a show on a major network?! Or if I write a made-for-tv movie?! I can have a house this year if I work hard enough on my writing alone!

And I'm not giving up acting, not at all...I just think I'm a very good writer and I want to explore that more. For now. I'm still going to do web series and hopefully get to join the Writer's Guild sooner than later!

Sorry for this long-ass Writey Rant...I haven't been updating this blog quite enough! By the way, Happy New Year! Thank you to all my readers for getting my blog to over 1800 reads last year! I don't know who's reading this, but I really do appreciate it!!

FUCK IT, FUCK ALL THAT

Sometimes I feel like when I'm trying to succeed, trying to cross the street from the hood to a better place, there is always ALWAYS someone holding me back. Why in the world would someone want to hold me back, and why in the world would I let them? I have to stop thinking of myself as weak, the real people in my life who love me say. Stop letting people walk all over you! Learn to say "fuck you!" to someone who wants to hurt you..wants to hold you back...wants to see you fail.

There are times where I feel like I can take on the world and do everything that I want to do. Then there are times where I go "this is my fate...I'm meant to stay here, stay put, just do a bunch of nothing with my life".

And yes, this is a rant..it's a sober rant, mind you, but it's still a pissed-off-don't-care rant. I'm sick of biting my tongue. I'm sick of feeling like I'm being judged. I'm sick of caring what others think of me. I'm sick of trying to please others when they're not trying to please me. Everything is "You can't" or "we can't" or "you're not thinking realistically"...but isn't life about risks? I know a whole lot of people who never took risks, kept things safe...guess what? They're fucking miserable! I refuse to live my life in these four walls, wondering what could've been! I will take risks for greater gains...I won't be here, wondering what the fuck I could've done with my life if I got over the nerves in my gut and the fear of loneliness and the fear of failure, and the fear of success! Fear has run my life for too long...

FUCK IT. FUCK ALL THAT.

Yes, this is a rant, yes, indeed it is a sober rant...as I've spent my day going to the gym, planning my daughter's 5th birthday party and thinking about what I'm going to do for this "In Living Color" audition on Tuesday...where I will fucking kill and walk away even more confident...I'm serious, this apartment, this city, this way of life is old news...

And maybe it's the fact that I've lost too many people to bad circumstances and wondering what could've been...maybe it's the fact that everytime I need a favor, no one is there...it's okay if they offer, but if I ask, the answer is always NO when I need someone the most...maybe this a rant towards almost everybody I know, and it's gonna be real awkward if they know I was talking about them, if they even read this blog (which just proves my point just a little bit more)...

I'm sick of being heartbroken over loss. I'm sick of pain. I will try harder. That's what this is about...trying just a bit harder. Be less talk, more actions. Okay, On it...

The rant is done. Now, I'll go have that glass of wine...mama needs to chill the fuck out.

Re-focuzation (is that a word?!)

So when I get to L.A., I have no specific goal. In the past, I had goals and plans, that didn't pan out for some reason or another. This time, I want to just wing it. I want to get there, and just try everything. I want to audition for film, tv, plays, commercials, music videos, whatever. I also want to continue to do web series. You know what, I really like doing web series! I really like the fact that because of Youtube, I can be creative in so many different ways. I think for the next web series, I'm just going to be behind the scenes. I was going to play a small part in the next web series, but instead I think I just want to write/direct and produce. Things with "Local Couple Wins Lottery" seem to be stalled right now, mostly because I don't have a huge amount of time to do what I want to do...so I think once I get to L.A., I just need to refocus. Right now, I'm so focused on getting to L.A., that other things have been taking a back seat. So for the next 2 weeks, I'm re-refocusing, but on Anneka's 5th birthday! We're having a Smurfs birthday party because she loves Smurfette because she has yellow hair, Ani says. Yeah, her favorite color is yellow. Laters.

L.A. Soon Enough

So we're not moving until January...which sucks and blows...and makes more sense at the same time. I know it makes more sense to wait until after the holidays, especially considering Anneka turns 5 on Dec. 19th. I really thought we'd be in L.A. Dec. 1st, and we could celebrate her birthday there with my best friend Jontynise and her two kids. This really kinda sucks. I'm trying to look on the bright side of things, by taking an acting workshop or two while I'm still here so when I get out there, I can show the manager I'm going to sign with that I'm on top of things. I'm also going to do two more episodes of "Local Couple Wins Lottery" and do these one-on-one sessions with Jenny Lamb, my acting teacher from Second City. I have a lot to keep me busy over the next month, but keep in mind, soon snow will come and I'll be annoyed. A little over a week ago, I was in L.A. with peep toe heels and a tank top with leggings. That snizz ain't happening here!

I guess I just have to friggin' focus. I'll be in L.A. soon enough. When I get there, I'm going to start work on a new web series, starring my bestie Jontynise Smith! I'll be co-starring in it as her older sister, a stand-up comedian. She plays a young woman who is newly divorced, but is falling in love with a guy who lives in her building and her sister is trying to talk her out of going straight from a marriage to a relationship. It's called "With Haste". I've only written episode ideas, no actual scripts yet. That's soon to come. I'm trying to figure out if I'll sign a SAG agreement, because then it'll make Jontynise SAG eligible, and I'm already SAG eligible, so I have to figure that out.

By the way, today I met a chick at my local Starbucks who looked like an actress! She was actress gorgeous! I gave her my card, telling her I was a producer. I think it sounded weird. Hope she didn't think I was trying to pick up on her...I didn't tell her she was gorgeous! I just told her she looked like an actress! I was with Bry anyway...unless she thought we were one of those swinging couples! OMG...

You know you love me...
xoxo
Angelina Grace

(all you Gossip Girl fans will get why I just signed this like that...haha!)