I Almost Didn't Post This

I don't want this to be one of those "I've had a rough week" posts. Yeah, the point in this blog is to share what's going on with me, but how many times can I say "I've had a rough week" before I feel like I'm whining? Besides, at this point, I know it's just a rough week, not a rough month or year or life and I'll be fine in the end. Because I always am.

So this week, yeah, I'm not doing as much. I've been kind of laying low. It's a mixture of doubting myself (again), questioning what the hell I'm doing and being tired and not eating enough. I've never been a stress eater, I've always been a stress under-eater. I had a fall-out with a friend which I completely still don't understand, and one of my other friends hurt himself and it's really bothering me. I mean, this is someone I've known perhaps a little over a year and I don't hang out with regularly, but him being hurt is fucking with me. I feel bad, but at the same time I can't mommy-at everyone. I had a friend who lived in my building years ago back in Chicago. He was a recovering drug addict, but he was much younger than me and I treated him like a hurt puppy. He was appreciative because he lived far away from his family, but even now if I don't hear from him for a while I text him to make sure he's okay. But perhaps that's just being a caring friend, I don't know. He checked up on me when we had all of these earthquakes last month.

Sometimes I feel excluded from things because people assume I'm busy or have a full life because of the husband and kids. When Bry gets home from work, he usually takes over. Not because I ask him to, but because he wants to. He's like "I haven't seen my girls all day, I'm going to get them ready for bed". So I give him his time to help them brush their teeth, read them a story, blah blah blah. I'm bored a lot, you guys. After 5, 6 o'clock at night, I'm bored. As shit. I cook dinner, then go in the room to call my aunt. We talk for like an hour. Not every day, perhaps once or twice a week. We usually talk about everything and nothing and then talk over one another and laugh about it. She gives me advice, a lot, because I ask for it.

And yeah, I've been talking to my mom again and that's strange, as I mentioned before. We've been estranged for over a year. I'm not getting into specifics, but if you know me, you know the deal. I'm a very sensitive person, perhaps too sensitive for Hollywood, truly. I'm not depressed, because trust me, I've been down that road. I have hope and aspirations and all that good mucky muck. I have a show next week that I'm very excited for. I think really I just need a therapist. I need to talk to someone who I can vent to that's not Bry, who I guess tries to understand, but truly doesn't. He doesn't understand why I put so much pressure on myself and feel like I should be doing more. He doesn't understand the anxiety and the fear of driving. He drives all over L.A. for his work and describes the driving as "annoying" instead of "scary".

So yeah, I guess in order to survive this industry and being a mom and having a shitty upbringing, I guess I have to see a therapist or whatever. I picture some old white dude with glasses asking me "and how did that make you feel?" and over time telling me "I've had enough of your whining! I'll refund your money if you just get the hell outta here and never come back!" Haha! That's both hilarious and sad at the same time!

Still Shaken (no pun intended)

I'm not gonna lie, you guys. I'm still shaken, no pun intended. I barely slept last night. And yes, there are people who are all "that earthquake wasn't even that bad", but um, I've been here 2 years and never felt anything like that.

Yeah, back in Chicago there were tornado warnings. Never any tornadoes. Never. Perhaps there were tornadoes further out, like say, Morris or somewhere. Where I lived in the southwest suburbs, we had a crapload of tornado warnings and tornado watches. There were a few times where I had to run into the basement with baby Ani. There were times where we'd be watching the news to find out when a tornado would hit Chicago Ridge. It never happened, thank God, but we lived in fear.

I'm really hoping this is making sense. I'm really tired, really sleepy, and trying to write something about how tired I am, while watching Rick & Morty.

And I knew what to expect, coming out to L.A. But there has been several earthquakes in the Los Angeles area over the 2 years we've been here and I've barely felt any. The first one I actually felt, it was so small. Nothing was knocked down, and no one felt it but me. Bry didn't even believe me about it until we saw it on the news. The second one, I wasn't even sure it was an earthquake. I had to go to Twitter to even find out if that was one.

But now, every time things get a little too quiet, I can hear the way the sliding doors to my bedroom closet sounded when they started shaking. Or how it scared us and Ani out of our sleep. Or how I was shaking for a few hours afterwards.

I'm scared of a lot of things, I know, but I guess being an earthquake newbie, I have a right to be scared about this still. And I slept, a little bit last night, with the tv on. It kept my mind from wandering too much. I caught an episode of that old Adult Swim show Sealab 2021 and now the theme song is super stuck in my head. Now, everytime I hear that song for the next 50 years, I'll think of my very first real earthquake.

Praying there are no more. At least not for a long time. Perhaps 50 years?

Earthquake?! Tweet about it!

Yeah, we just had an earthquake. I'm fine, the kids are fine, Bry's fine. Everybody's fine. It was a 4.4, which I guess isn't huge by Los Angeles standards, but it still scared the fark outta me!

Earthquake! I felt that.
— Angie Grace (@AngieGraceLA) March 17, 2014

I've been in L.A. now for 2 years. The first little earthquake I felt I was like "whoa, I think that was an earthquake". The second one I felt, Bry didn't feel it and we were going back and forth on whether or not it actually was one. I was all "Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was!" and then I turn on the news and they announced we'd just had one. This morning was different.

That's what it looked like on the seismocam this morning. #ShamrockShake #earthquake pic.twitter.com/rM9NwfhRYR
— Jonathan Lloyd (@JonathanNBCLA) March 17, 2014

I was asleep, Bry was asleep. I remember feeling the bed moving and our sliding closet doors, which were open, knocking together and making a terrible sound! We both jumped up and ran for the girls' room. Ani was sitting up in bed and the shaking had stopped. That's how quick it was, just 20 seconds, perhaps. Mia moved in her bed, Laila didn't move. We comforted Ani then Bry went to Mia, who'd laid back down. I sat on Laila's bed. Laila was so knocked out, she didn't feel a thing!

There was no crying, thank goodness. I guess it scared Ani, but she's a pretty tough kid so she didn't freak out. Mia says now that she felt it, but she doesn't seem rattled by it. But they don't know what earthquakes can do if they're stronger or what aftershocks are.

I grabbed my phone after a few minutes to see what people were saying on Twitter. Of course, my timeline just looked like this "was that an earthquake?", "that was an earthquake!", and of course the obligatory joke from a comedian "Wow, it's St. Patrick's Day! I guess it was time for a Shamrock shake!", which I thought was funny. Of course my friend, comedian and actor Josh Fadem made the joke that the earthquake made his snuggie fall off! I read that to the girls and that made my girls laugh too!

@AngieGraceLA my snuggie fell off!!
— Josh Fadem (@joshfadem) March 17, 2014

So that was the first big quake I've felt. And I'm not going to lie...I'm still a little scared, and I have to act like it's no big deal because of my little girls. I've said several times today "earthquakes happen here all the time, we'll get used to them", but someone try to convince me of this!

Chicago winters don't sound so bad right now.

And in case you were wondering...my Precious Moments figurines are just fine.

Head Amputation and Other reasons I'm afraid of having my wisdom teeth removed...

Reasons I'm afraid to get my wisdom teeth pulled:

1. There will be an earthquake right after the dentist has pulled a tooth and the shaking of the Earth jumbles the tooth out of his hand and down my throat. I'll then choke and die. Hey, this is L.A., it could happen.

2. My face will be so swollen people will think I'm fatter than I actually am. (especially through a car window. That'll be that one time Josh Hutcherson is in the next car.)

3. I'm afraid my dentist will try some over-the-shirt action while I'm asleep (or under the shirt...hey, I watch the news)

4. The dentist will trip and fall while I'm unconscious and accidentally knock into one of my other teeth, breaking it into a zillion pieces with a scalpel (or whatever they use to cut the tooth out of the gum. Don't tell me, seriously)

5. Afraid them bitches will grow back and I'll have to go through it all over again.

6. My kids will see me moaning and with a swollen face and think mommy has been bitten by some sort of monster and has turned into said monster.

7. The dentist will pull other teeth accidentally, instead of said wisdom teeth.

8. Pulling the wisdom teeth will make me dumb. (Lack of wisdom)

9. When he goes to pull the teeth, they'll disintegrate into a fine powder, therefore choking me. (I really should've had these bitches pulled a long time ago)

10. I'll end up with a surgery-related infection and will need to have my head amputated.

A Temporary Lack of Focus

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me lately. I've been seriously lacking focus, which is funny because I'm always telling other people to focus!

And then the last few days, I've been feeling overly tired and light-headed. I don't know what the deal is with that, but I made myself a doctor's appointment just to make sure I'm all good before I fly to L.A. on November 12th. It would suck to be feeling this way while on the way to, or while in L.A. I'm going there to get a lot done in a small amount of time, so I need to be feeling a-ok!

With the lacking of focus, I think I've been trying to do too much, so it feels like I'm just bouncing all over the place. I'm starting to think I don't have time to actually do any real work while still here in Chicago. I only have a month before we move to L.A. and there is so much to do. I'm trying to find an apartment, looking online, calling places, and then trying to pack while my daughters keep throwing toys in the boxes I put together for packing! It's frustrating! Can I put them in daycare just so I can pack?!

But, thank God, my aunt will be here this weekend, so I kinda get a break. Yes, I have to make breakfast for one more person this weekend, but she usually buys dinner from a restaurant, so that's a total score! And on top of that, I can go "I'm going to the mall to look at shoes, do you mind watching the kids for a few hours?" and she goes "That's fine". Score!

But all I've been thinking about is, "what am I going to do once I get to L.A.?" The talent manager I'm meeting  with, Michele, thinks I should try to get myself some acting work to put more on my resume, and get into a good acting class, like the Margie Haber studio. I just can't wait to get there! There are a bunch of options. It's literally been keeping me up at night, all of the things that are going on right now. Yoga and meditation before bed? Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I shall try that tonight! It's worked before, so I'll try it again.

Laters.