Thursday, October 24, 2013

Very L.A. things

So I'm so excited my aunt is coming back to visit in November. She's coming for Thanksgiving and staying about 10 days. Not only am I excited because I love my aunt, miss her, blah blah blah...this means FREE BABYSITTER! Don't tell her I said that...

I'm sick of doing stuff by myself. The first time I went to a comedy club was by myself, and I went to see Chris D'elia, and I was so nervous about being in the same room as him. I was fangirling like crazy over some Chris D'elia, you don't even know. He's the reason I finally got off my ass and started doing stand-up! I owe him, for real. So my aunt was in town, Bry and I got to go see Chris together, and then I got up the nerve to actually talk to Chris! I met him, hugged him, took a picture with him! The third time I saw Chris live, Bry and I met him and talked to him for a while on the sidewalk outside of the Laugh Factory. What a great night that was. So I'm looking forward to some nights of doing totally L.A. things with my husband. Fancy dinners, schmoozing, giggling about condoms in a Rite Aid at midnight. Yes, we're that immature.

I'm also going to try to book some more stand-up gigs around that time. Who's coming out to see me??

Later guys.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Too Much for this Time of Night

So I've been fighting myself. I've been trying to make myself be more honest. What's the point in writing anything if it's not your own honest truth?

Yeah, so I'm sick...I have this bad chest cold that's kinda slowing me down. It's probably because I've been doing so much and not sleeping enough. I haven't really been this sick in a while. Well, I have this habit of being hurt by people, then forgiving them when they don't deserve to be forgiven, then I'm back in this cycle of "OMG, I really let you do this to me again". Whether it's my mother, my brother or my ex-best friend, I set myself up for getting hurt. What do they say about people who don't learn from their mistakes?

Then I don't share things, afraid to be labeled as petty or immature. I hold things in. And I didn't used to be like that, it's just I can't allow myself to dwell in things now. I have kids. I have a husband. I have a career. I have to keep my mind away from bullshit.

And I don't want to make this some long, sad, depressing bullshit. I haven't been depressed in a long time, mostly because things are going well. This has been the best year of my life. For those of you who don't know me that well or just started reading my stuff either on here or HelloGiggles, or follow my Tumblr, I used to be very depressed. I spent most of my childhood depressed. I was a little kid and my brother had what they called "an emotional problem". I was a little kid sitting under a table with my doll, sucking my thumb, while my brother yelled at, hit and threw things at my mom. I was left alone in my bedroom to deal with my own emotions.

My mother now no longer speaks to me after staying with me for 3 weeks in December and we got into it big time. I spent most of those 3 weeks not saying anything to her criticisms, her name-calling, her lack of respect for me in front of my husband and children or starting arguments between my husband and I. She left for Chicago without saying good-bye. This is the mother who said that if I get famous and write a book about her, she'd sue me.

I was a crazy teen, so they said. I cut. I attempted suicide. I spent 4 days in a mental hospital. I had a psych evaluation, and the doctor said all of the stuff that has been put on me was the reason for my sadness, and I didn't need to be on medication. And you know what, I was fine.

Living here in Los Angeles, with 3 little girls, every day I feel lucky. I wouldn't give this shit up for the world. This has been the best year of my life, for real. I got to meet some amazing people, some who were genuine and real. I've made some great friends in my improv classes, through other friends and even through Facebook. I met some of my heroes this year. I get to go to Malibu and put my feet in the Pacific Ocean any time I want.

My husband and I had issues. Some of them might have been due to our situation. But I can honestly say I haven't been happier. He's a good man with a great heart and the best father for my kids.

So when I hear that an ex-friend or my brother or my mother have said this or that about me, it really doesn't bother anymore. Earlier this year, I cried any time someone brought up my mother to me. I did that whole "Why doesn't she love me" crap that, I guess, a 32 year old woman shouldn't be crying about.

And this isn't a sad post. I'm not sad, though I'm sick and drinking tea right now while my husband strums the guitar on the couch next to me. After this, I'm going to work on some new jokes for my next stand-up gig. I just felt the need to be honest. To speak. To tell my own truth. And I really don't care if my mom reads this and gets angry at me again. And for those who are all "respect your mother" blah blah blah...I did. I used to. And my children will respect me not only because I'm their mother, but because I deserve respect because I love them unconditionally.

And to the old friend who's dogging me, calling me fat and everything's cool. I'm here, I'm making waves, I'm doing my thing and you can't take that away from me. I'm 32, this isn't high school. Most importantly...I'm here. You're there. This is my everything. And I'm more motivated that ever.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Things I'm Obsessed with Right Now- October 2013

Okay, I did this list before and it got a lot of attention, so since I'm an attention-whore (not really...okay...really), I figured I should do this again. Let's get started...

1. Studio City

Okay, maybe I'm just a little celeb-enthused. I refuse to say "obsessed" because I seriously don't put much effort into meeting celebrities. I really don't. I go fun places with the husband and kids and run into them. I'm not Stalker Sarah, though I know her and like her. I usually run into celebrities at random places, like grocery stores and coffee shops. It's frickin' Hollywood for crap's sake! It's really not that hard! The only difference is, I have the balls to go up to a celebrity and ask them for their picture. No one has ever told me no, and then I usually have a really nice conversation with them. Every time I go to Studio City, usually to take the girls to their favorite bookstore or this kickass Farmer's Market, we run into somebody famous. Not our faults. We've now run into Ariel Winter, you know, Alex Dunphy from the hit tv show Modern Family. She's so nice and cool. I know her older sister now.

My picture, obviously.

And it's not about celebrity, because I couldn't say that I'd ask just anybody for a picture or talk to them just because they're famous. I like meeting incredible people who I admire for some reason or another. I love Modern Family! It's one of my favorite shows, that's why it's so cool to know Ariel and her sister Shanelle. Also, this past weekend, after running into them again and talking with them, my family ended up in some paparazzi pics on Just Jared Jr. and Perez Hilton. I'm not posting them because you can barely see us, standing next to Ariel. You see my back and back while Ariel is talking to me...and Laila's back...and Laila's bangs in one...and my husband's hat in another. Not really worth posting...well, okay...

My back and Trader Joe's bag. Pretty neat, huh? We were talking.

If you look to the right of this pic, you can see Laila's bangs (or Mia's, who knows, they look the same) and the top of Bry's hat! 

And in the bottom right corner, Laila. I think. Or Mia. Laila? Whatever. It's one of my twins!

2. This Damn Water Bottle!

I got it from Target for like $22. It keeps your water cold for 24 hours! Seriously! I fill it up at night, and since I have Hypothyroidism, I have to take my Synthroid medicine first thing in the morning, before I eat or anything, so I can just get up, take my pill, and then go back to bed if I want to. It's awesome! I take it almost everywhere with me. I even got hubby one too! I'm aware that I'm a little too excited about a damn water bottle...

You can also buy it at Amazon here.

3. HelloGiggles

Okay, I swear this isn't a plug! Yes, I write for the site, but I honestly love it! I swear, there is an article for almost every aspect of my life. When I'm bored or need inspiration, I go read other people's articles. I just read an article about Lasik surgery, because I'm considering getting it done. Seriously, it kind of eased my mind! Here's a link to that article:

And for the shameless self-promotion. I wrote an article about The Wizard of Oz entitled "5 Reasons The Wizard of Oz is Still Damn Good" and it's now my most read article! It had over 3200 likes on Facebook! Mostly due to the fact that Zooey Deschanel, one of the HelloGiggles founders, shared the link on her official Facebook page. That was exciting! And they just posted my interview with Tia Mowry-Hardrict today, which Tia retweeted on Twitter. I love that site. And I love Molly McAleer for asking me to be a part of it! You can read about that too.

4. Tumblr

No disrespect to Blogger or Wordpress, but Tumblr is just so interesting! Yeah, there's a lot of sick stuff on there, like, seriously sick, but where else can I see gifs of Bastille videos I've already seen? Where else can I see pictures of pink houses and closeups of donuts? Hmmm...I'm not giving very convincing reasons of why Tumblr is so great, am I? It's also great for promotion...and stalking Bastille.

Did I say stalking? I meant admiring...

5. Luis Bunuel

Okay, I promise I'm not pretentious. I'm just an ex-film school geek who writes screenplays that are nothing like the films I love. I really need to re-write some scripts! So, lately, I've fallen in love with Luis Bunuel. I first heard of him because he was portrayed in "Midnight in Paris", one of my favorite films of all time. The film "The Exterminating Angel" was mentioned in it. In the film, a group of rich friends come from a play and go to one of their mansion's to have dinner. After dinner, no one seems to be able to leave the room! They all keep coming up with excuses not to leave. The next morning, they begin to realize that they cannot leave the damn room, let alone the house! They go to the threshold of the room, and turn around! People die. They're starving. They have no water. They stink. They can't leave the room! It's psychological! There's no door or wall holding them space! But they can't leave the room! Look him up! He made other great films too that I'm going to buy and watch this week. I'm obsessed!

Follow me On Twitter you lot!

Friday, September 6, 2013

Yeah, so he knows who I am...mental

I know I don't update my blog as much as I used to. But with Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and HelloGiggles, I'm writing for so many different things.

Lately I've been Tweeting a lot about this amazing band called Bastille from England. I was lucky AND blessed enough to get to interview the lead singer, Dan Smith, for HelloGiggles. Now my job is to tell everyone I ever come in contact with to listen to them.

Okay, let me tell you how the interview with. First, I got severely nervous and sick the day before. Okay, it's no secret that I have some anxiety issues (some) but I had to do this interview right. I mean, I'm pretty much obsessed with the band (think how Kat vonD is over Him and Ville Vallo). So speaking to Dan, him knowing who I am, blew my mind. On top of that, I had to be professional. I take my writing quite seriously and I didn't want to come across as just a giggly fan. I'm a journalist!

When I was first connected to him through his management, whom I'd been e-mailing back and forth for a few weeks, she said "Dan, you're on with Angie Grace from HelloGiggles" and he said "Hi Angie!" I went "Hi Dan!", and I swear to God, you could literally hear me melting! How do I know this? I had to record the conversation to transcribe it for the site. So everytime I listened to it, all I could think was "I sound like a fool". I remember shaking, also. After I got the first question out of the way, I realized how normal and down-to-Earth he was! I mean, this guy does not take himself seriously at all! I even asked him how did he feel about being considered a sex symbol and he said "awkward". Okay, I love him. The way he speaks, saying "quite" this and "I'm an awkward guy from London", I wanted to say "You know you're a friggin' rock star, right? Like, girls are obsessed with you".

I held it together. After a few questions, it felt as if we were having a normal conversation, with me asking the questions. Then he started asking me questions, like asking me what did I think of the show "Twin Peaks". I then mentioned that I went to buy tickets for their show and found out they were already sold out and then found out the whole U.S. tour was sold out already and not only was he humble by this, he said that I should ask his management about getting on the guest list and then he said "I'd love for you to come". Yes, I've fucking replayed the tape recorder for all who have visited my house, live here, etc.

I haven't heard from his management about that, yet, but I'm sure they're busy with the U.S. release of the album. He then tweeted me a few days ago when I pointed out the album was #4 on the iTunes chart and he tweeted back at me "It was good to speak to you last week". Yes, I died again. Twice dead.

It means so much to me to be able to know people I truly respect and enjoy their art. Knowing Sherri Dupree of Eisley means a lot to me. Knowing Josh Fadem means a lot to me. Meeting Chris D'Elia means a lot me. Now sorta kinda a little bit knowing Dan means a lot to me. And I just got tickets to go see them live at Jimmy Kimmel for Bry's birthday. Did I mention Bry also loves Bastille? We've both said that Dan is not capable of writing a bad song. He's amazing. Also, he uses the word "Mental" a lot. As in "Wow, that's mental!". Love it.

My favorite Bastille performance, thus far:

Bastille, "Bad Blood", sessions

"Things We Lost in the Fire"

"Laughter Lines" (my current obsession)

Bastille on Conan performing "Pompeii", the first time I saw them. Which is weird, because I watch every Conan episode but usually skip the musical guest, unless it's somewhere I've heard of. I think this just happened to come on while we were talking and no one cut it off, then they came on and wow.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Things That I'm Obsessed with Right Now

Still fuckin' love it. Instagram video is weird, y'all. It's like, there's a picture and it starts to move. Like those creepy "living" pictures from Harry Potter, which was the scariest thing about those films.

Fedoras on Kids
I have fedoras that I don't wear anymore. Kind of over them. But my 3 daughters look adorable in them! Keep in mind, they're too big for their heads. I have to buy kids fedoras. I'll buy 3 for each kid.

Esther Povitsky, "Little Esther"
She's this comedian chick who I've never seen live...yet, but we had a bunch of mutual friends on Facebook, so I sent her a friend request and she accepted! But she keeps posting these Vines of her really close-up and you can see how adorable she is, then goes on to say facts about dinosaurs! She's adorbs.

Josh Fadem
Another comedian/actor. Again, we had mutual friends and then became friends when my husband Bry tried to help him recover some lost footage off of a SD card or something. He's this really nice guy who brought over his dog to cheer up my kid when she was recovering from a spider bite. I knew him from "30 Rock" where he played Liz Lemon's agent, but since we became friends, I've watched his many funny videos he's done on YouTube and Funny or Die and just found out he's been in a lot of other stuff I've seen including "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and the film "Miss March". It's great seeing your friends on TV. You can see me in the background of many "ER" and "Early Edition" episodes! Ha!
Here's one of his Youtube videos. Notice that he thanks me and Bry in the credits!

"Josh Fadem Wants the News"

My Little Pony
Judge all you want, but when you have 3 girls under the age of 7, it's easy to get sucked into their world. They started watching the show on the Hub network and I just got back into it, seeing as how I had a My Little Pony as a kid myself. So recently, I bought myself a 20" Pinkie Pie My Little Pony! Yep! Just for me! They have their OWN!

Zuma Beach/Malibu
I'm starting to get more driven towards my career for one reason and one reason only: MALI-FUCKIN-BU! I just went for the first time recently, after living in Los Angeles for over a year. It's beautiful! I need to make the type of money that affords me the lifestyle to either live in Malibu or at least closer. I love Glendale, it's beautiful, but it's so far from the beautifully opulent Zuma Beach and mama doesn't like to drive. Driving in L.A. is super scary, y'all!

Old Timey Ads
I've been finding these old advertisements on the Huffington Post and that are usually sexist or just flat-out wrong! They make me laugh at what a different time we're living in. They also make me so happy that as a woman today, I can choose what I do, I don't have to stay in a kitchen and my only job is not just "mom" if I don't want it to be. Here's a few of the funniest/wrongest:


Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Me doing stand-up! And a few of my favorite comedians

Video of my first gig ever, at Flappers in Burbank, CA! I still can't believe I did it!

I was super nervous leading up to it, but right before I got on stage, I told my self "This is something I've wanted to do forever. Go up there, and just do it!". Thank God for Bry and his support, and my dear cousin Kecia who flew out from Chicago for my show!
Also thanks to my great improv teacher Kevin Fleming, who is just the greatest teacher. He's the reason I got over my stage fright!

Wow, I sound like I'm giving an acceptance speech for an award. I am being so ridiculously annoying right now. But whatever, watch the video of my first time on stage! I'm working on getting much better so I can own the stage the way my hero Chris D'Elia does. You know what, I'll include a video of him too, just so you can see what I mean, in case you haven't heard of him.

This is from April 7th, 2013.

Chris D' favorite comedian. I've met him 3 times now. He's a great guy.

My friend Brent Morin. He kills every time he's on stage. And not bad on the eyes, huh, ladies?? Hey, I can look! I'm not dead!

This, Chris D'elia with Bobby Lee. It's too funny not to post!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

I've been performing and stuffs

Come catch me live!
May 12th, Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank
7pm $5!

Both of these shots taken at the Haha Comedy Club in North Hollywood, CA.

Oh, and here's some stupid shit I said and/or did this week:

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Stand-up Updates

I have not been keeping up with this blog enough! I think I should make myself write a post on here once a week! Done! From now on, I'll update this thing once a week. Perhaps I should pick a particular day of the week when I have to put something! I never updated this thing to promote my last show or to talk about how great it felt to finally do stand-up! Let me start with that!

Okay, I wasn't that nervous, which I thought was weird. I was nervous, but not shaking and throw-uppy, like I expected. I knew I was going up 5th, so while the 3rd comic was on stage, I went to the washroom and just shook it off. I reminded myself that this was my biggest dream, being a stand-up comedienne, and that I was prepared. The emcee introduced me, and I ran up there! I had energy, I remembered all my jokes and even ad-libbed a bit! Everyone laughed, I was happy, blah blah blah, I'm playing there again May 12th! Oh, and I'm getting video of my set this week! Score!

I'm also doing open mics around Los Angeles and trying to book some more gigs. I have a pretty big audition coming up this Friday. I don't want to talk about it, I shouldn't have brought it up. But I'm preparing a new joke that just came about yesterday based on the true story of my damn building manager complaining about my little 3 year olds jumping. Okay, when I moved into this apartment, onto the second floor, they were 2 and way more noisy! Now, let me correct myself, this is the building manager's supervisor, who does not live in the building. Is it my fault that your floors and walls are cheap and thin and can hear every sound?! Should I staple my kids clothes to a chair and tell them to sit still all day? And they go to bed at 7:30...there's no late night loudness! In other words, shut up lady! I got way more to say there, but I'll save it for the stage!

Also, I got to go see Chris D'Elia for the 4th time last night. I also got to see Whitney Cummings, who had retweeted me earlier in the day. That was awesome! Got me new followers on Twitter! Also, Jeff Ross showed up, so did Dane Cook, and friggin' Finesse Mitchell, who used to be on SNL! That was awesome! And my friend Brent Morin hosted! He's this sweet adorable guy who just did a pilot with his good friend Chris D'Elia! Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to say hi and hug Chris again, but I got to talk to and hug Brent. He's hilarious! I mean, his set absolutely kills!

Okay, that's enough for now! Don't forget to go to my author page on and read my posts over there!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Shortest Post Ever

Got a big show coming up this Sunday at 7 at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, CA.

I'm nervous, but I'm very prepared. It's my first gig, so of course I'm nervous. I'll be cool. My awesome cousin Kecia is flying in from Chicago to see me perform. We'll hang out while she's here too. It'll be cool to have some time to do something outside of Bry and the kids.

I guess I have no real update other than that. This might be my shortest blog post ever. Wow.


Friday, March 22, 2013

Sorta Long, Image Heavy Ramblings

So I've been way too busy! I'm not really complaining, but I'm pretty sure I used to update this blog wayyyyy more!

First off, I've been writing for this amazing site called HelloGiggles! I was asked by Molly McAleer (writer of 2 Broke Girls and co-founder of HG) to be a regular contributor! I have my own author page and everything! Pretty excited about it! I even wrote an article about how I became a contributor to the site, which started with me taking the Warner Brothers studio tour! They really should have me do commercials for their tours!

In the meantime, in between writing articles (Look for my interview with Sherri Dupree-Bemis of Eisley in the next week!), I've been hitting up the comedy clubs, doing research for my own show! Yep, I booked a show, as part of the open competition at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, CA! I've been watching other comics and paying attention to their styles, how they walk the stage, how they handle the mic, etc. I even watch them before they go on stage. I'm doing a few open mics this coming week, trying to get ready and work on some material so I can go out there on the 7th and KILL! I'm really excited!

My husband pointed out to me that all these great things have been happening to me in just a little over a month! There was the studio tour, that led me to meeting the writers of "2 Broke Girls", then I started improv class at iO in Hollywood, I got an Emmy-award winning writer to agree to read my pilot "Jersey Did It" and give me feedback, I got feedback from a former SNL writer, I went to Conan as a VIP and met Conan and he flirted with me, won a contest through HBO for the show "Girls", won several contests just by retweeting a link and got free tickets to go to both the Laugh Factory and the Comedy Store, got to meet and get great advice from Nyima Funk, who wrote for Nick Cannon's "Wild & Out", met several people from the show "Mash Up", including Marc Evan Jackson, met Larry Joe Miller from "According to Jim", Keegan-Michael Key (a huge comedic inspiration), talked to Kelly Oxford and Jenny Johnson, met Brent Morin, who's a stand-up comedian and starring in a tv show for NBC in the fall, oh, and met my current obsession/comedic inspiration Chris D'Elia from the show Whitney. I've seen him perform three times now and got to talk to him twice. Conversations. He knows me by name. He hugged me. Are my eyes x's yet??

There have been a few other things that I'm not reporting yet.

Oh! And I have a writer's workshop with Brian Stack from Conan tomorrow. Then improv on Sunday.

It's great to finally be busy and not bored.

I saw Dane Cook live! Surprised the hell out of the crowd this week!

Chris D'Elia killin' it!

Me and Brent Morin. Has one of the funniest sets you'll ever see! Really nice guy too!

Chris D'Elia and me, outside of the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood. Love this guy so damn much. Don't worry, Bry was there and Bry thinks he's pretty cool too!

Yep, this happened! Everybody was freakin' hilarious! 

Maribeth Monroe and Andy Cobb. Yes, she's on Workaholics, one of the funniest shows on TV. They're part of The 313 improv. Saw the show twice now at Second City.

This is what I won from the HBO show "Girls". It was all Hannah had written for her book. Also, that same frame is on her wall in her apartment on the show.

The first time I met Chris D'Elia, at the Comedy Store. One of the greatest nights of my life. I introduced myself and he goes "Oh, I know you from your tweets!" and I said "Yeah, I probably tweet at you too much, I'm not a stalker or anything" and he goes "No, it's cool" and he laughed. When I saw him a week later with  Bry at the Laugh Factory, we were talking outside and I said "I'm way calmer this time. I think I said some stupid shit last time" and he said "Don't worry about it, no you didn't" and he gave me a hug. Sweet guy. 

My lovely friend Comedienne Carmen Barton offered to make this flyer for my show! She took time out of her uber busy schedule to make this for me! Love her to death! She's going to be on NickMom Night Out soon!

Larry Joe Campbell from "According to Jim", and part of The 313 improv!

Me and Nyima Funk and her adorable little baby boy, Moze! This was after another 313 show.

I met Keegan-Michael Key! What a great guy. We talked for a few minutes after The 313 show at Second City. He thought it was cool I was from Second City in Chicago!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Sorta Exciting updates

While I'm waiting around for something, anything to happen, I think I'm going to keep my writing sharp by writing short stories.

I used to write short stories all the time, you know, before I became a mom and started watching too much tv. And I have time to write, it's not like I'm 24/7 busy. Yes, it is tiring taking care of 3 small children, but there are times when they don't want to be bothered by me. They have each other to play with in their room full of Lalaloopsy dolls, toy dishes and play food. Did I mention that we also have every children's movie that has come out in the past 5 years on blu ray? Yeah, they don't need me 24/7. I do, however, have to listen out for "Owwww!" or "I'm not playing with you anymore!".

At night I have plenty of time to write, though I'm usually quite sleepy around 7pm. Again, I have 3 small daughters, all 3 under the age of 7!

Life has been exciting, when I do get to go out of the house. I got to meet Conan O'Brien yesterday. I was in the audience of his show and got to sit on the front row and after the show, he comes into the audience singing the "End of the show" song, which is hilarious! As he came back down the stairs, past me, he came over and shook my hand! I said "I love you!" he said "I love you too"! Then he started doing that growl thing that he does at female guests, towards ME. Best day of my life. Next to, you know, that wedding thing and the having-kids thing.

If you know me, you know what Conan means to me. I saw him live in Chicago back when I was pregnant with Anneka, almost 7 years ago at the Chicago Theater. Then, I saw him with my mom back in December while she was visiting from Chicago, then I saw the show once again less than a month ago and ran into some of the writers of the show, which was awesome.

I have several people reading my pilot "Jersey Did It", about a young woman who has too much money, but gets bored easily, and is afraid of too many things, which hinders her life. Sound familiar? Well, not the money thing...regardless, I hope I get good feedback on it!

Later Gators.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

My "It's Always Sunny" spec snippet

The opening scene of a spec script I wrote for "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia":


Sweet Dee and Dennis are having an argument that has gotten really heated.

You’re an idiot.

You’re an idiot!

What are we, little kids here?

You shut up Charlie!

Yeah, shut up!

Well he’s right, it’s a stupid argument! I could obviously get rich quicker than you could!

No way! Nope. I’m an actress!

So what?!

I could get a movie, and then pow, overnight millionaire!

Not gonna happen! I, obviously, as the smarter sibling, have more usable talents. I can use tools, hell, I built my own tree house as a kid! Without the help of an adult even, which makes me smarter!

Ooh, he got you there, Dee!

How could that possibly make you rich?! Besides, besides...if I remember correctly, the thing broke underneath you and you fell to a horrible near-death!


He needed stitches and dental surgery and everything!

Whoa, really? That’s pretty bad!

Making me the winner by default!

Winner of what?!

I could get rich quicker than you could!

All of a sudden, they hear a large crash. The bar’s floors shake and bottles fly off of the shelf.
They look scared for a moment, then go back to arguing.


In Philadelphia?!

It could, I mean...

I could to get rich! I could be just hanging out here and all of a sudden, ring, ring...Hello? Yes? Who is this? Steven Spielberg?!

Steven Spielberg isn’t going to call you! He doesn’t know who you are! Why would he call you?! 

He could call me! And boom, millionaire!

I could be a model! I could get scouted at the mall!

Highly unlikely!

With this bone structure?! It could happen, it could happen!

Charlie goes over to the bar and picks up a bottle then puts it on the counter.

He could possibly be a model. I mean, I think.


I mean, yeah. Maybe. You do have those cheekbones.

Dennis pulls out a mirror from his pants pocket and starts admiring his cheekbones.


What? I’m just saying...

I could get a movie, just like that!

It hasn’t happened yet!

Well you haven’t used any of your ‘usable talents’ to get rich either, you douche!

Do we really need to name call? Are we children?

Okay, okay...

Both Dee and Dennis seem to pout, like children.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

My Best Tweets!

My Best Tweets
(Real tweets from my Twitter account from 2009-2012)

I gotta stop calling people 'douche whistles'.

I wanna be a manager. Manage a young rapper by the name of Lord Swaggington.

My Instagram still being down is making me Insta-angry. Instamad. Making my day instabad? #badraplyrics

#ThingsToNeverAskADJ So what do u do for a living? Not this, right?

Why is everyone saying YOLO? You only live once?? Does no one believe in reincarnation?!!

I wanna supermoon you. (Whole ass, plus some front)

Things get on your nerve, threaten to punch it. Even if it's attached to you. Or in your face. #toothache

U know, Lana Del Rey...people wouldn't hate u if u were talented

Rain on Wednesday? L.A. think she's Chicago. Silly bitch. You're not Chicago!

 Whore score and 7 years ago, I was a whore who scored.

 If I had a boat, I'd throw you off that motherslucker...Natalie Wood style...OMG #WENTTOOFAR #CRYING #SORRYDEARNATALIE

U got ABC hopes with a basic cable brain.

"Feliz Dia de Turkey de los Muertos"! Isn’t that Spanish for “Happy Thanksgiving”??

You can slap cinnamon into a biscuit but that don't make it a scone! #deliciouslydisappointed

We need to occupy Sesame Street. No protest...just it looks like a fun place to occupy! I wanna hang out at Hooper’s store with Chris and Abby Caddaby! You do too, don’t lie!

U think Arnold's mistress went around telling people 13 years ago "I'm Schwarzepreggers!"

Bin Laden probably got found out by checking in on #foursquare.
Bin Laden tweeted a pic of himself at that mansion and forgot about the geotagging feature.

I love my Kindle. Yes, I've woken up in the middle of the night and seen it destroying real books, but whatever man, it’s totally boss!

Damn, almost choked on this 100 calorie pack cookie. Gonna sue the shit outta Nabisco. Or the writers of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I just pooped so much that I lost like 50 lbs. I am now a petite size 4.