Monday, August 29, 2011

Just So Awesome

Today I had a great meeting with the cast members of my new web series "Angelina's Scene". I met these two awesome actors. One will play my husband, and the other one will play my husband's friend. I had this meeting, of sorts, at Starbucks with my hubby, who is co-producing with me. We talked about how all of us are moving to L.A. soon, auditioning, and I gave them pretty much the set-up of how everything was going to go. It was awesome. My mom and aunt watched the girls, so we had a few hours beforehand to walk around Old Town and I got a few minutes of video footage with my HD camera. Then we got home, put the girls to bed, and went back to work. I had to e-mail the SAG Hollywood rep with the SAG actor's information and now, for the next few days, I'm all about storyboarding shots.

Meanwhile, I wish I was in L.A. already. The MTV VMAs was last night, and my bestie texted me that she had a chance to go to an after-party. She said she forgets that she's now there, where these things take place. I can't wait to be there when they hold the Oscars! That's the biggest dream of all, right there. To actually be at the Kodak Theater, there because I'll be nominated! Or even to perform my Oscar-nominated song. Truthfully, I hope I'll be there as a filmmaker and actor. I want to be known as a filmmaker just as much as I want to be known as an actress. Oh, and comedian. Oh, and singer. Oh, and greatest mom ever.

Speaking of my much as I love creating and accomplishing with my art, I look at my daughters and realize they smile 99.9% of the time, and that feels way better. They make me feel like I really am doing something right in the world. My mom and aunt, after watching my girls, always thank ME for bringing them and talk about how much fun they had with Ani, Mia and Laila. That feels awesome too.

And yes, they are knocked out sleep right now. Thanks mom and Auntie Carol!



Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Earthquakes, Tornadoes and Mudslides! Oh my!

There was an earthquake in Colorado, then the Virginia/New York/D.C. area. And of course,  you have the Christians going "God's trying to tell us something" and the hippies going "And no one wanted to listen to Al Gore" and me going "Damn, am I sure I want to move to Cali?!"

I tried to explain what an Earthquake was to my 4 year old daughter and she said "that sounds scary". I didn't tell her the amount of destruction it could cause, I just told her about the floor moving and knocking things over. I guess that's all she needs to know. No point in giving the child nightmares. I figure that I should at least semi-prepare her, considering I was looking up schools in L.A. and there's a "Earthquake Preparedness Kit" fee for enrolling them in school! But in the suburbs of Chicago, where we currently live, when she was in daycare while I was in beauty school, they had "tornado drills". Eh, same thing. Both cause destruction. Both terrifying. But I'm not going to let Earthquakes, mud slides, or any other scary force of nature or man-made crapola scare me out of moving there. That's the dream.

Los Angeles has been the dream since I was like 15. Maybe younger! The bestie and I used to talk about how we were going to move to L.A., get famous, and marry Leonardo Dicaprio and Matt Damon. Then we did the college thing, got married to other dudes, and 5 kids later (between the two of us, obviously) we're embarking on "the dream". She's already out there, and all I can do is plan until November 1st.

So in the meantime, I'm just trying to build this empire from here, in Illinois.

And wildfires. That's not going to keep me here either.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Yeah, Not So Much

This is a "web series" I did with Bry a few years back. This is post-marriage, post Ani, pre-twins. Does that make sense?

We were living in Oak Lawn and this is the ugly-ass couch that used to be my grandmother's, so it had sentimental value...but it was uncomfortable. And old.

Just getting more inspiration for my new web series.


Sunday, August 21, 2011

Comedy Confidence

I have gotten to a point in my life where, if I feel a joke coming, it's physically impossible to hold it in. If I hold in a joke, it hurts my chest. Even if the joke is in poor taste, I can't hold it in. Maybe it's because the people around me think I'm so funny that I always feel like I have to be on, so turning "off" makes no sense to me. There are times when I'm not even trying to make a joke, and my best friend will start laughing hysterically. But sometimes, I think that maybe I'm only funny to her. I mean, we've known each other since infancy, as our moms have been friends since they were kids. So sometimes I go out of my way to make strangers laugh.

If I'm out and about, say, at the mall and I see something funny, I will say it outloud. If one stranger laughs, I've done my job. I want to be at Children's Place one day, point out something funny, make a customer or the clerk laugh, then throw down the kid's clothes I was about to buy and yell "Thank you, Good night"! and leave the store. Yeah, well, maybe not all that, but I love making strangers laugh!

So I've been saying for months that I'm going to this stand-up open mic at this comedy club near my house, and I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it! Am I really that afraid to get on a stage and suck? What if no one laughs? I've performed on stage before, singing with Bry playing guitar. I mean, we used to perform at coffeehouses and clubs all the time from about 2001-2003. Why is it such a big deal now? It's the ridiculous fear of failure. I'm sure if I want to be a full-on stand-up comedian, there will be times where the crowd will think I'm not funny. Should I honestly throw in the towel and say "That crowd didn't think I was funny". No! I'm sure Chris Rock, Roseanne Barr, even Richard Pryor had instances where people didn't think they were funny. They didn't throw in the towel!

I gotta build up this comedy confidence. Working on it!

Peace the fuck out!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Update on my Web Series

I  have been so busy, party people! Not just with the kids and the husband and the moving, but doing pre-production for this web series I created. Now, if you're reading this and you're one of my Twitter followers, you're like "yeah, you've mentioned this, I know! Geez, Angelina!" BUT, if you're not and have no friggin' clue what I'm talking about, here we go...

I created a web series, meaning it's like a tv show, but exclusively for the internet, specifically, Youtube. It's a variety show/talk show/sketch comedy show. It's in the vain of say, Conan. Basically, I talk, do some form of a monologue, have guests, have a sketch, interviews, etc., but instead of being like an hour, it's more like 15 minutes. I start it with the introduction/monologue at the top of the show, segue into a sketch, then some sort of interview with a friend. Not celebrities, but I'm going to just talk to friends or other actors. That's it. And it's supposed to be funny!

So then I took it to the Screen Actors Guild, or SAG if you will, and got all my paperwork in order to get a SAG signatory contract, meaning I can use a SAG actor, someone who already has done work on screen and has joined the guild. With that, then myself and other actors I hire to be on my web series, will become SAG eligible, meaning they can join the guild too. Isn't that amazing? It's called a New Media Contract. Right now, I'm in the process of writing the third episode (already wrote the first two, and there will be four here in Chicago for now).

I'm also talking to actors through e-mail and over the phone. I'm trying to set up a meeting at a Starbucks or something downtown and get started on auditions/rehearsals and the like. I even started on my deferred payment contracts.

Yeah, so, that's why I've been busy! The name of the web series is "Angelina's Scene" (sound familiar) and I'm  doing it in HD party people! Hopefully, this will lead to AMAZING things in the future! I get my SAG card, I'll be considered a SAG producer and actor...maybe I'll get more work and continue to do my own shows. I'm even going to upgrade my equipment next year.

In the meantime, I'm e-mailing and calling apartments in L.A. and trying to figure out when I'm flying out there to check some of them out. I love being busy.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Who I Used to Be

So it's almost 1 a.m. and I was having a talk with Hubby while drinking Rum and Pepsi and the conversation got too real. I started talking about how things from my past still bother me today, unnecessarily, and how at the age of 30, I should be able to bury things from my past.

I have a habit of questioning and second-guessing myself way too much. I had voice lessons with a vocal coach when I was in college named Clarice, who told me I was always way too hard on myself. If I had trouble hitting a note, I beat myself up over it. When I worked at the Chicago History Museum, I mislabeled an entire box of mugs with the wrong price. When the boss came in and showed me it was incorrect, I was all like "I'm sorry, I didn't mean did I do that? Maybe I'm tired...I'll redo it..." and on and on. It was pathetic. My co-worker Natasha told me "You're way too hard on yourself" and she was right. When I was in Acting 1 at Second City, I watched the other students go up and do their monologues, and had them memorized already, and I was one of three students who didn't have theirs fully memorized and had to look at the paper with it written on it. I was screaming inside of my head, going "Maybe I shouldn't be an actor if I can't even memorize one monologue"...

And fast-forward to today, while I'm drinking (one glass, always), and it's late, and we just finished watching "Salt" with Angelina Jolie and thinking about how I feel like I should've accomplished so much more, considering I've been acting and auditioning since I was 16. (Grammar school productions by Mr. Gleason don't count). At the age of 8, I wrote my first script. It was called "Deadly High", and yes, it had grammatical eras and little things that didn't make sense, and it was 12 pages, but still, I accomplished that at 8! At 6, I had two stories in the school newspaper. I was the youngest ever listed on the school newspaper staff list. I went to meetings! (This was at my first grammar school, Dulles, when I lived in the projects, not Dixon, the grammar school I graduated from, where I was also on the newspaper staff, by the way).

The point in all of this, and for sharing this in a blog is, I'm sick of living in the goddamn past! I have the type of memory where I can put myself back into a certain place easily. I can feel what it felt like, I can remember what it smelled like, I can remember little details like what music I was listening to or what it felt like to be 12...I remember when my brother got into a fight with this guy named Sean on Essex Avenue where we lived, and he had to be taken to the hospital, and a neighbor had to stay with me, and the house smelled like chicken   because we had KFC that night. That's crazy ridiculous! Why can't I just bury that memory??

And I'm not sitting here crying and upset remembering the bad things that happened to me or bad things that I saw. I'm actually quite removed from certain things to a point where I don't bring them up all the time, but sometimes, when I least expect it, a memory creeps up from the depths of my mind and I'm inundated with thoughts and emotions that I just have to shake off. I don't want my kids to know all the struggles that I had as a child, or how I felt completely alone in this world by the age of 10. How my mom couldn't let me continue to practice with the South Shore Drill Team for the Bud Billiken parade because she didn't have bus fare to pick me up after school, so I had to go  home on the school bus at 3:00, like usual. I can't look at my life as "my mom ruined me" or "my life is ruined", because I am only 30.

And as I start a new chapter of my life, trying to put together a webseries and getting back into singing and moving to Los Angeles, I want my past to be just that...the past! One day, maybe I'll tell these stories to my children, so they'll know that mommy came from this to be this...but from now on, I'm not that little girl. That's who I used to be.

Friday, August 12, 2011

That's the dream, homies!

Yeah, so, I'm watching "Torchwood" and I swear, this show is disturbing! I'm only half-paying attention to it, because honestly, I'm on this laptop working, trying to build that Angelina Grace empire! And I've been working it too!

I'm moving to Los Angeles Nov. 1st, so I've been not only on this laptop, looking up apartments and schools and things of the sort, but also been making list after list of agents, managers, casting directors and acting schools. I've been making mad crazy connections on the Twitters (yeah, that's what I call it, just to be different and ridiculous at the same time). Oh, and updating this blog as much as humanly possible.

See, I look at it like this, the more your name is out there, the more people see your headshot, they may be willing to give you a chance. And yes, of course, just because they give you a chance, doesn't mean you can act and have actual talent. They might like your look or whatever, but if you can't act or sing for shit, then that's that. That's why I have to spend just as much time practicing my craft as I do marketing myself.

And that's hard to concentrate on learning lines outloud when you don't have a spare moment in between cutting up somebody's sandwich into 4 squares and pouring milk and juice into cups for these tiny people that I adore.

And that's another thing...always being tired! How in the hell am I supposed to work on "my craft" if I'm too tired? It's so much easier at the end of the day after they are in bed to sit here on the couch and watch "Torchwood" and eat strawberries and blog. So much easier.

On the plus side, I did upload video of a monologue I did from my screenplay "Words to a Page" and a video bio, and me singing the Jeff Buckley song "Morning Theft". It's from months ago, when I was a bit heavier in my body areas, but whatever. It'll do for now. In the meantime, while I'm packing and planning for the move, I'll network my ass off using this computer and my Android phone and then when I get there, I'm starting up at Second City Hollywood. The ultimate goal? To have my own sitcom! I want to be like Roseanne Barr, or even Carol Burnett or Lucille Ball. That's the dream, homies. That be's the dream.

PS...obligatory pic of Kelsey Chavarria from "The Real L Word"...trying to convince her I'm not a stalker fan like her other stalker fans, but I seriously doubt she reads my blog regularly (unless I send her a link).

Kels...why so gorgeous?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Hair is an Accessory

I don't know how I'm typing right now. I stayed up all night doing my hair...perming, blow-drying, braiding, sewing...yeah, I got my weave again. And I don't want to turn this blog into a whole "black girls should all have their natural hair because" type of thing, I'm just proud of myself of accomplishing such a great task. Not just anyone can sew in a weave! It takes brains and patience and talent! I went to beauty school for 4 months, but they never taught me this! I learned how to do it because my best friend has done mine on and off for the last 2 years. And yes, my mother will argue that I have beautiful hair that's long, and my husband will argue that I look better with my naturally curly hair, but at the end of the day, it's how you feel most beautiful. I can't say what makes me "feel" the most beautiful, because hair to me is an accessory.

My hair is not who I am, it's just a decision I make for a short amount of time. Hair, to me, is like a bracelet. Or earrings. You have your favorite bracelet, but maybe it doesn't go with a certain outfit, or it's a bangle bracelet and it's uncomfortable for the moment. I had my curly ringlets for most of the summer because it was convenient. I have three little kids, I don't have to time, when getting ready to go out of the house, to do 3 little girls hair then popping out a flat iron or blow dryer or all of the above. Convenience drives most of my life right now, while I have little kids. I'll have way more choices once they're older and can do more for themselves.

Hair is fashion to me! I may want a pink skirt today, or blue jeans! Whatever! In beauty school, I learned, it's just hair and there is so much I can do with it. And I love my naturally curly hair, fucking love it, so does my husband, and I like fitting in with my family (as he and my daughters have curly hair too), but sometimes, I like my 18" weave just to be different.

But then I worry about my career in Hollywood. A lot of black girls got long straight weaves. The black chicks you see in commercials now days have my curly hair! But you know what, it's cool. Because I really don't want to fit into anybody's stereotype on what I should do with my hair or not. I got crap last year when I had blue bangs. Yep. Black hair, blue bangs. My friends and husband thought it looked awesome. My mom and aunts weren't feeling it, like when I used bright red hair to do my microbraids years ago. Whatever, man, hair is an accessory. Weave doesn't make me "wannabe white" and curly hair doesn't make me "true to who I am". Besides...the weave isn't white people's's Indian!


Monday, August 8, 2011

Super Bitch on the Edge

L.A...thinking about it, dreaming about it...oh fuck it. I'm sick of dreaming and thinking...I'm ready to taste it! From the smog to the the palm trees (I will literally LICK a palm tree when I get there!), I'm just ready to be there.

And I'll live in a cramped apartment, with hubby and 3 small kids, and we'll get on each other's nerves, and we'll be miserable at night because we'll have to turn down the tv cause the kids are literally sleeping right in the next room...okay, that don't sound too hot. That sounds like suck! Nevertheless, I'm willing to make some sacrifices to be there already.

And I know hubby is right about taking most of our stuff and to have it'll be comfortable for the girls, moving away from the only home they've ever known and away from family members they've been seeing more often lately. I know this, man! It's all about patience, which I have very little of. I have more patience with 2 year olds than I do with his almost 35 year old ass! It's like, I need plans. Yes, even the best laid plans don't get followed to the tee, but I need lists, I need dates, I need that stuff to make it through today.

I'm one of those people who make a bajillion lists, and sometimes, they don't get followed! You ever go through the pain-staking task of writing down everything you need from the store? Like 1)milk 2)eggs 3)bread 4)shaving cream 5)maxi pads....just to get to Wal-Mart and realize you left the damn list at home?! You wasted 10 minutes of your life you'll never get back...then you walk around Wal-Mart three or four times just to get home and realize you forgot the milk? Yeah, I do that all the time. But making lists keep me sane.

My brain is like a box. Some people's brains are like file file certain things under "important" or "unimportant". My brain is filed under "whatever" and "blah". Yes, I have organizational issues. And most of the thoughts are just thrown into the box, just forgoing the entire filing system. So, sometimes it's just easier for me to write stuff down, get it out on paper, look at it, and then I'm like "Oh, okay...there we go". You don't always need the list...but writing the list keeps you sane! It does for me!

So if we had a timetable, a list of dates of when everything needs to be done, you know, finding the apartment, shipping the van, booking the plane tickets, etc., then I wouldn't be all super-bitch on the edge right now, Brayman!

Oh, it's okay. My husband doesn't read this blog. If he did, he would know way too much about me, and seriously, who really needs their husbands knowing their thoughts and how they feel and stuff? #Lame

Sunday, August 7, 2011

It's Only Water

I had fun with my 4 year old princess today. I was in a mood, didn't want to sit in the house, but I didn't want to take the twins anywhere. Hubby was saying "Let's just get out of the house" and I really didn't want to take the twins anywhere. Don't tell them I said this, but they've been real grumpy all week, not taking naps, or taking turns taking naps! One day, Mia naps, Laila stays up, the next day, Laila naps, Mia stays up. You know what that does? That makes for a sleepy mommy, especially because sometimes I would doze off once I got all three of them in the bed. Ani rarely ever naps, but she lays quietly in bed, sometimes drawing on her drawing board, and I can get in maybe 30 minutes of sleep. 30 minutes of sleep sometimes is good enough! A power nap!

So anyway, I come up with the idea of taking just Anneka out, then remembered that Jontynise said she was going to take her kids to the movies to see The Smurfs. I looked up the movie times, then asked Ani if she wanted to have a day where her and I just go and do something. 20 minutes later, she was dressed, I was in the shower, and I got excited!

Keep in mind, I don't know what it's like to have 2 kids, barely remember what it was like to have 1! With her, it's easier, because she's almost 5! She can put on her own shoes, doesn't cry about wanting stuff all the time, and I can have real conversations with. At the same time, I felt guilty. I thought about Mia and Laila, who decided to take naps today, were going to wake up and look for mommy and Ani and find out we went out to have fun without them. Do I honestly have to feel guilt about everything I do?? What is wrong with me? Sometimes I know the guilt is good to have, if you're doing something wrong, guilt keeps you from doing it again, or doing worse! But I felt guilty for just taking Ani to the movies! The twins would not have sat still for the movie, and I know that, but still.

Nonetheless, we had a good time, went to Starbucks, shared a Tazo tea dealy, went to Wal-Mart, played with the toys, saw kitties at Petsmart, then went to the movies. She was awesome. We ate popcorn, drank fruit punch,  hit up the bathroom only to get to the door and realize it was pouring balls outside! So much rain! Drenchy-typed rain! I said to her "It's only water. Like a shower". And made the lady next to me with her daughter laugh. I considered letting her run, but she had on a pretty sun dress with dress shoes and white socks. Yeah, oh, and the parking lot was FLOODED! I had on leggings, a t-shirt, my purse and my pink converse. What did I do? I put her tall, heavy, skinny but size of a 6 year old, self on my hip, told her to look down and put her arms around me, and we went for it. I unlocked the van from a distance with the key remote, and just ran! I got soaked, she got soaked, rain water was all in my eyes and mouth! I threw her into the van, got in behind her, slammed the door closed, and we both started laughing hysterically!

I think I really needed that. Things have been stressful and tense around here. All this dissonance and discord going on in my household about who's doing what and when are we moving and if he really wants to's really stressful. Our lease is up October 31st, so it's time now to be on it. Packing, looking up apartments out there, putting money away...all of that.

But today, we had fun, then I got home and played with the twins and kissed at them and Ani gave both of her sisters big hugs and kisses before bed, which melts my frickin' heart. Best kids in the world.

This blog originally going to be about me finishing The Hunger Games books...but I'm still mourning the end. I mean, I wish there was more to read. It became such a part of my life in the three weeks it took to read all three books. I'll blog about it another time.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Don't Piss Off Someone Semi-Famous!

I got some really great advice from a Hollywood talent manager today. She actually told me based on my headshot and resume, she thinks I'm going to do really well out there. That was great, but I wish she'd wanted to sign me.

November 1st is the move date, and I still have no agent or manager set to go to out there. I mean, it's not the most important thing in the world to have an agent RIGHT NOW, because truthfully, I have an agent here in Chicago who does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for me. It's one of those agencies that sign a bunch of people, charge you fees to be  on their website, and then call you a few times. I sent my agent an e-mail about 2 weeks ago, and I'm yet to hear anything. I told her I was moving to L.A. and asked for advice. Keep in mind, she is also my daughters' agent. She has never sent them on anything. And she was real excited to sign the twins, especially after she met them face to face and saw how cute and friendly they were. Whatevs. On to the next thing.

I'm working on my stand-up again. I'm going to use my communication with Nicole Richie via twitter in my routine for the open mic. I tweeted once "@nicolerichie thinks we shouldn't buy plastic and only buy organic...well @nicolerichie thinks we all have Nicole Richie money". I tweeted that in the morning, then went to Bally's, got my cardio on, then was in the locker room getting my stuff together when I decided to check my phone and realized she'd tweeted me back! She said "There are a lot of wooden toys that can be bought at Target that are reasonably priced". I was like "Oh my God, I've offended someone semi-famous!".

Here's the thing, when I tweeted that, mentioning her as @nicolerichie, I knew there was a chance she would see it. But people with a shitload of followers, especially someone like her, don't have time to look at all of their mentions! She's running businesses, she's got 2 kids, doesn't she have better stuff to do? I did send her a tweet saying I'm sorry if I offended her. Never heard anything back. That got me more followers that day!

But the main reason why I have as many followers as I do now, is because of Rosario Dawson retweeting to her followers to follow me. All based on her kindness, and me mentioning that I met her when I was an extra on "Light it Up". She doesn't remember me, obviously, that was years ago, she'd probably like to forget that movie, and she met a lot of extras on that set, I'm sure. But she retweeted me, and I tried to get her 100,000 followers. I adore her. One of my favorite actresses...or should I think of her as competition?! LOL

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Yeah, so, this weather! What?!

Yeah, so, this weather! What?!

I'm stuck in the house on these "Air Quality Alert" days because I have asthma and the heat and humidity is so bad, it feels like I'm going to have an asthma attack. And then there's the pollen count. I look up the weather on my phone app, and the pollen levels are so bad here in Chicago! I went onto the balcony around 5 am the other morning, thinking the fresh air would help me get back to sleep. Yeah, I ended up with itchy eyes and a sore throat. It made me so angried-up. How can I be productive in my life with itchy, watery eyes, or allergy medicine not covered by my insurance, or allergy meds that make me sleepy?

And then there's my babies. Mia and Laila were born at 34 weeks. Obviously, most twins are born early, but they ended up being in the Neo-natal intensive care unit (NICU) for a week, and Mia needed oxygen for 3-4 of those days. They're lungs were underdeveloped. So everytime there's a change in the weather, where it goes from extremely hot to cold or the other way around, they get sick. When Laila was 6 months old, she ended up with a fever and a really bad respiratory problem. I remember holding her on my lap one morning and realizing that her breathing was labored. I called Bry at work and he came home. By the time he got home, I was panicked because she was wheezing. He drove her to the hospital quickly, and I stayed home with Ani and Mia (all this time later, I still regret not being the one who went with her), and they decided to transfer her to Loyola in Maywood where they had more advanced equipment and doctors for a kid that young.

She was in the hospital for 3 days, with a high fever and trouble breathing. They told us then that this happens with some premature babies whose lungs weren't fully developed. The following year, we were back and forth to the doctor's office because of both babies having breathing issues.

The point of all of this is, I'm scared to be in Chicago when it starts to get cold again! I am completely paranoid and terrified about one of my babies ending up in the hospital again. Ani ended up in the hospital with chest congestion once too. It was the ER and they didn't keep her overnight, except a long stay in the ER. But either way, I'm terrified.

We don't get as sick in the summer, but with that being said, the pollen is a real bother because if we leave the windows open at night, we end up with itchy eyes, sneezing, stuff like that. We're all going to end up on allergy meds, I'm sure.

And now, on top of all of that, the summer is now unbearable. After the blizzard in February, right before my birthday, no less, I promised I would never have to go through that again! We were stuck in the house for a week because of the piled-up snow. It was a literal ghost town. No one could drive up and down the streets (I have video of that I'll put on Youtube at some point). And now the summer is like, everyday, 90 degrees plus, heat advisories, air quality alert days...all this bullshizzary that's making me stay in the house with a 4 year old and two 2 year olds and I'm running out of stuff to do with them! I'm like "what DVD do you wanna watch?" or "You wanna listen to Lady Gaga again?" or "Who wants to play with Play-doh?". I'm bored!

For months I was all "Ugh! I hate you Chicago! Chicago, you've betrayed me once more!" and "How dare you Chicago!" all because of the weather conditions, and thinking of how I want to be a California girl and how I never want to step into snow again...

Then I remembered the feeling of feeling all warm and cozy in your bed on a winter morning and looking outside to the snow. Sitting in the living room with a fuzzy sweater on and drinking hot cocoa. Going out in a hat, scarf, gloves, boots and trudging across the parking lot to your car (which I always start with the remote from the window) and warming up. I kinda like those days of cold and bundling up and feeling cold, then feeling all warm and cozy and safe. The chill in the air right before Christmas and getting into the Christmas spirit with the kids while you put up the tree and realizing it's starting to snow outside. Okay, maybe I'll miss that stuff.

But one thing you have to remember...that first day or two of snow flakes falling, is like "oh, it's not sticking to the ground yet, that's cool" and then the next time it snows "Hey, it's actually accumulating on the ground, it's so pretty" then that next time is all "It's snowing again?! Ugh, I gotta clean off the van in the morning before I drive it!". That time is fucking annoying.


Every day after that first week of snow, is fucking annoying. Maybe after we move to Cali, I'll come back to Chicago just for a week, for Christmas.

I'm out!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Crisis Averted

I'm tired. I ate too much Culver's and found out I'm not going back to school right now. Financial aid wasn't going to give me enough money and I would've had to take way too much money in loans. Not gonna happen. Hubby is going back to school, though. He's working towards his graphic design degree. He's a little over half-way there now. He's going to get enough because he's going to a state school, instead of the private college I was going to go to. When you go to a state school, you get more grants. I'll just wait until I get to California to work on my esthetics career. It only takes 4 months in California! It's only 6 months here in Illinois, which isn't bad either, but I don't plan on being here in 4 months, let alone 6!

Yeah, but my mom and aunt are over. They watched the girls while Bry drove me to the school, then we went to Culver's and go burgers, fries and onion rings. I have to stop eating this crud. No offense towards Culver's, cause they're food is good, and I only eat it once in a while, but still. Not good for ya when you're trying to get an agent in Hollywood! #foodfail

So anyway, enough of this bullshit...the real scoop is, me and the ex-friend are friends again. That's some bullshit calling her 'ex-friend' as we were mad at each other, for like, a week and a half and did the whole talking shit about one another and then started missing each other, then went all gay on each other over the phone with tears and "I love you bitch" and "we're family". It was so gay and so cute. I was all "I'm sorry I said that shit about you". Gay.

So I asked hubby today would he stay married to me if I was gay. He didn't answer the question, fully. He said "if you wanna be with women, fine, but just go through with it". What the hell does that mean? Does that mean "if you're gonna divorce me to be with women, I'd better not see you with some dude?" Yes. That's probably exactly what that means! You'd be okay with me leaving you for a woman, but not another man? He's funny like that. God knows if he was serious! If I popped up gay tomorrow and was like "I'm leaving you for one of the chicks from 'The Real L Word'," would he be all "Oh, okay...tell Kelsey I said hi". Yeah, no. Abso-not-ly! Wow. Did this post delve too deep?!

This post is in honor of Kelsey Chavarria...turning straight women gay since 2011 (Not really. Not really straight anyway.)

Anyway, so, crisis averted. Friend and I are back in love and gay for each other, without the sex. I jumped to conclusions. And I'm sorry.