A Week Away from L.A.

A little over a week now...I'm dreaming of sunshine, beaches, the walk of fame, the Hollywood sign...doing a film with James Cameron...ahhhh...about to live the dream, right?

But what if I get there and never get any work? My mom keeps saying "When you're famous"...there's a good chance that'll never happen, I'm aware. I think I'd be happy just acting regularly...maybe? I don't know. Some people need the fame...do I?

I've had a shitty week, which started with a tooth problem that was apparently caused by my toothpaste (Burn in hell Crest Pro Health!), then a cold I caught from the kids, then a really bad migraine yesterday. I was curled up on the couch like a baby, with no one to baby me because hubby was at work and the kids wanted juice and Goldfish crackers. Sucky week. On the plus, we're a week away from L.A.! Oh yeah! Come on, do a dance with me! Are you dancing?! Dance dammit! I would dance for you! That's better. Thanks!

Yeah, so that makes me feel better. That, and my bestie Jontynise Smith passed her exam to get her California cosmetology license (she already had her Illinois one), and that apartment now out there is so good and ours! Oh, and the new Eisley EP "Deep Space"! It moves my heart and my soul. It's romantic and beautiful and haunting and it's so amazing I feel lucky to know Sherri Dupree. Never did I think I could know someone who I thought so fondly of as a musician. It's like knowing Jeff Buckley to me...minus the whole been-dead-for-years-part.

It's after midnight. I should probably jump on the sleepy train while I still can. My aunt and I were having conversations about family secrets and earthquakes, then she ate one of my protein bars and I almost threatened to slap her eyes.

Laters lovelies!

Stressful Week

Well, I've had a stressful week. From waiting to hear from the building manager at the new apartment building in California, to realizing I have a small crack in my tooth and my dentist's assistant saying she doesn't have an appointment until March 8th (I'll be in L.A. by then!), to trying to figure when we're going to buy a new refrigerator for the place...it's just been a tough, stressful, sleepless week.

Last night, Bry was snoring and I just couldn't go back to sleep, so I went into the living room, taking my pillow and laying down on the couch. I put the red throw from Ikea over me and ended up falling asleep. Bry came in there perhaps 2 1/2 hours later and told me to come get back into bed. I know I must have slept a decent amount, but I was awake for a little while. Nevertheless, I feel sleepless. It's probably the stress. And I'm not looking forward to starting from scratch with this new city, not knowing where everything else and getting lost a lot. Hell, I would still get lost in Chicago sometimes!

I know it's the start of something big and something I've been obsessing over since I was a kid. The dream of moving to L.A. and actually working in the business, as opposed to the little bit of acting I've done here. It's time to get on top of things. Start going over my monologues, both comedic and dramatic ones, redoing my resume, blah blah blah...who has time for that right now?! I still need to make a list of crap we aren't taking with us then calling my mom and aunts and asking them what they want, then dropping stuff off.

Meanwhile, I've been watching a shitload of "Entourage". I've loved Adrian Grenier since "The Adventures of Sebastian Cole". I adored him in that movie. Hell, I might buy it on Amazon or get it through Netflix. He's so beautiful.

But on the plus side, I heard from the building manager, she got the copy of the lease and the deposit. I sent it via the post office and paid extra so she would have to sign for it. I also bought the plane tickets. We're on track. We're so on track. Next week will probably be even more stressful.

Laters.

So it's Valentine's Day..

So it's Valentine's Day, and I'm supposed to be super lovey and excited, but I can't help but feel stressed about this move. We paid the deposit, signed the lease, arranged to have our stuff and car shipped, and last night...I bought the plane tickets. It seems like it's been a long time coming, but it also feels like everything is moving so incredibly fast. In about 2 weeks, we'll be in Los Angeles, to stay, not to visit. I honestly feel like it's going to be a whole new world out there. There are so many more opportunities out there for all of us.

But also, this is my 11 year anniversary with Bry. By anniversary, I mean, of when we first met. We didn't actually technically get together until March of 2001, but we celebrate this as our anniversary. We've been together 11 years, married for 7...and no, I'm not counting around the times we broke up, lol. We've been through a lot together, including being there for each other through tough times. And even though I got him some really cool anniversary/Valentine's Day presents, I'm feeling bad that he got me this really nice thoughtful and beautiful card, and I didn't remember to get him one! I got cards for the girls (Hello Kitty ones that came with magnets and stickers) but I forgot to get him one! And he got me TWO! He got me one that said anniversary, and one that said Valentine's! Yes, I'm terrible. But I did buy him the Kinect for the XBox 360, so he can't complain too much, right? Besides, I blog and tweet all the time about how much I love him, so there. (excuses to make myself feel better)

We're going to take the girls to the Olive Garden for Valentine's. They love LOVE LOVE that restaurant. They mostly like the macaroni and cheese, breadsticks and the salad. We're going to dress them in pretty dresses, and I'm going to wear my new dress from ModCloth! Perhaps I'll post pics later.

Enjoy the rest of your Valentine's, Party People!

"Going Hollywood"...reality web series

Okay, so I decided to make a reality web series out of footage I took on my way to Los Angeles, and being there. I got some really good stuff...why should it go to waste on my lap top and external drive? Either way, here it is, episodes 1-6, which is all I've edited so far...here is "Going Hollywood"...

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Part 6:

RIP Whitney Houston

I grew up on her music, I know lyrics to almost every song. Here are some of my favorite songs by the incomparable Whitney Houston...

"You Give Good Love"

"I Have Nothing"

"Run to You"

and 

"The Greatest Love of All"

Just a few of my favorite things...

Found it at Kohl's on a rack with a bunch of Valentine's Day clearance stuff. Love it. 

It's hanging on the back of our front door for now.

Found this cupcake cookie jar at Kohl's on that same rack. It's awesome.

My Eisley poster collage, that I collectively share with Bry. Yes, they've signed them. The Who's Next one is from years ago, when we first met them at the Double Door in Chicago.

My notebook, by Gwen Stefani. I keep all of my important stuff in here.

A painting Anneka did when she was 3, almost 4 at daycare. She's 5 now.

One of my favorite movies of all time. The writer/director Tiffanie Debartolo is a sweetheart. I've talked to her in the past. She also wrote this amazing book called "God-Shaped Hole".

My absolute favorite movie of all time. It never gets old to me.

These perfect little twin girls that God gave me and I feel so blessed to have in my life. 

Mia Grace and Laila Raine! This is from their 1st birthday. They're 2 1/2 now.

The gorgeous Anneka Lucia. What an amazingly talented, sweet, intelligent little person. 

So happy to have her as my daughter.

The bestest best friend a girl can have. Me and Jontynise at a diner in Glendale, CA. Love her to pieces. Couldn't imagine life without her.

Bry and Anneka. He's an amazing father. He reads her a story every night. He's a great man...destined to do great things. Well, he has already. My Hubby. <3

Birthday in Chicago

Yesterday was my birthday...yes, it was fantastic! I woke up to the dining room garnished with movie-style decorations from Party City, and 3 little girls and hubby who had a bunch of presents, including the new Kindle Fire and some snazzy Betsey Johnson heels! Quite exciting for me, as you can see. Then, on top of that, I got my mom and aunt to watch the girls so Bry and me can go out and have a fun time in the city, alone. Not as mom and dad, but as Angie and Bry! Not that I didn't miss them...to be perfectly honest, I spent most of the day hugging and kissing at them like I'd been away from them for days!

We went to this Vegan restaurant on the city's north side called the Chicago Diner. I had vegan country fried steak, which was made of this stuff called Seitan, which tasted really a lot like chicken! It was interesting and delicious! I'm really enjoying being a vegetarian this time. I'm five seconds from veganism, but I still drink cow's milk. But I don't eat any meat, no eggs, no fish. And I'm perfectly fine with it this time, and I feel better than I've felt in a long time! Then on top of that, I've been going back to the gym, trying to get California Slim! And by that, I mean my idea of what I should be, which is not skinny. I like having hips and boobs. Hubby likes me having hips and boobs! LOL

But nonetheless, today I spent kissing toddlers, cleaning up, signing the lease, and paying the deposit on our new Los Angeles apartment! Shyeah! It feels good to think that in 20 days we shall be there. There's still a few things that need to be figured out, logistically...like, if we're having our things shipped, and they're saying give it 4 business days to get there, where are we going to stay for 4 days? In our empty apartment here, the empty apartment there, or take another couple of hundred dollars and stay in a hotel? Yeah, that's what we're figuring out. The hotel thing sounds better, considering we're travelling with a 5 year old and 2- 2 year olds!

Hanging our around Chicago, going to the Betsey Johnson store in the Water Tower, going over the downtown bridge, eating at a restaurant on the north side...I think I'm already getting a little homesick. And I had the nerve to be out there in 30 degree weather with a short dress on with see-through lace sleeves (see pic above) and some flats, a coat, a hat, a scarf, no gloves...and I'm the one who's always complaining about the weather! No worries, though, because Bry found a parking spot a block away from the Water Tower, and right in front of the restaurant when we went up north. Yes, my nose is a little runny today! Who asked you?! It's all for the greater good though. I looked cute on my birthday! Haha!

Laters.

P.S. What also made yesterday pretty cool was Jontynise and me got several celebs to tweet Happy Birthday to me, including Kelsey Chavarria and Saj Golde from "The Real L Word", Layzie Bone from my favorite rap group of all time, Bone Thugs N Harmony, and Wesley Jonathan, who I've had a crush on since I was a kid! And the adorable, wonderful Sherri Dupree-Bemis, from Eisley! She told me too! Even though I just talked to her like, 3 times last week, it still made me happy!

So it's almost my birthday...

So, it's about to be my birthday in a matter of hours, yes, Happy Birthday to me! I'll be 31, which is cool and all, I mean, it's not some huge milestone, but I'm glad to have lived another year, absolutely. On top of that, I'm about to start the adventure of for the first time in my life, living in a completely different state, in a totally different part of the country! Yes, it's a really big deal to me, as most of my family lives here in Chicago and I'll be so far away from them.

On the plus, I spoke with my mom and she and my Auntie Carol are going to watch the girls while  hubby and I go have a rip-roaring time for my birthday! We went to the mall today and had a great day. I had the twins with me, going to the Disney store, them in their stroller, then stopping to eat a cookie with them. It was really a lot of fun just being out of the house and they were in such good moods.

So now we're about to watch "Crazy Stupid Love" with Steve Carrell and I'm doing okay with being old and everything. I'll probably update with pictures tomorrow or the next day from my semi-adventurous birthday!
Later gators!

P.S. If anyone asks, I'll lie and say I'm turning 23! LOL

What I'll Miss About Chicago, Part 2

One of the main things I'll miss about Chicago is the CTA El trains. I spent so much time on the el. As a kid, my mother didn't drive, so anytime we needed to go downtown, we hopped the green line or red line to get downtown. As a teenager, I used to take the buses more, as I went to Dunbar Vocational High School, which was still technically on the south side where I lived, but much further, and was near downtown. I had to take two long bus rides to get to high school everyday. And then, sometimes, I would ditch school entirely to go downtown to the Borders bookstore on State Street (shhhh...don't tell my mom!)

The thing I think I will miss most about the el was taking it up to the north side just to explore. I spent a lot of time on the red line, going up to the Clark/Belmont area to go to all of the used record stores to sell CDs and buy some for less than $5. A lot of the stores aren't there anymore, unfortunately, but The Alley is. The Alley is this gothy store where you can find the coolest things. I was going there years before I knew what a "Hot Topic" was in the mall. This place has been there since I can remember! It's also the first place I learned about different types of people. I saw different races, gays, straight people, families, all co-existing in the same neighborhood. And I never saw any ignorance or intolerance or anything like that. These were back in the days where I would be out in the city, by myself, sometimes late at night, and I was too worried about getting robbed or stabbed or shot...though perhaps I should have been to some extent.

Then, in my early 20s, I met Brayman, who would later become my husband, and we would meet up north and hang out around Depaul University, where there was a Crow's Nest Record store, which was bigger than the one I used to work at downtown. I was at Columbia College at the time, and sometimes after class, I would take the red line to meet him up on the Clark and Belmont stop, and we would literally walk from Boys Town on Halsted to Lincoln Park. Those were the days when we would walk everywhere, perhaps hop a bus, and then go home to our individual houses on the south side, just to call each other and stay on the phone all night. Ahhh, to youth!

After I got married and had a baby, I moved to the suburbs, got my license, had a car, etc. and I've barely gotten on public transportation since. But sometimes, I miss those days where I would just ride, not caring too much about what time I would arrive at my destination, listening to my Discman, blasting Anathema's "A Fine Day to Exit" and pulling out a pad of paper when hit with inspiration to write a song, or a film idea. I miss the feeling of being scared to ride on the brown line and the orange line because they seemed way too high up and would go around those curves way too fast!

But I guess that's a metaphor for youth. When you were on a train, with no particular destination. I would just go with no time in mind, not caring when I would arrive or get back home. I guess that changed over the years, now that I have children and a husband and a career, it feels like everything is about rushing. Everything is about time. When will I arrive at my ultimate destination? And I don't necessarily mean death, I just mean the things that I dreamed about while riding the trains and buses, praying to become something more and doing more than what people expect of me. Now, I'm counting down the days until I arrive.

What I'll Miss About Chicago, Part 1

I know I talk a lot of crap about wanting to get the hell out of Chicago...but what you must understand is, there is nothing personal against CHICAGO. It's against the weather...and a few people! Lol...but other than that, I'm a proud Chicagoan, and I will be yelling that in L.A.

And lately I've begun to think about what I'm actually going to miss about my dear Chicago (besides a few people...select few! Lol) One of those things is definitely the beautiful Sears Tower (and hell no, I'm not calling it the Willis Tower cause that just sounds lameballs). I remember going to the Skydeck as a kid and my brother and me laughing at my mom because she was so scared! At that age, I didn't have any real fear of heights, so it was just funny to me!

But what I really love about it is it really makes the Chicago skyline so beautiful. It's always the main building you see! And I love that when you're lost on the north side, you always know where to drive to get back south! You can see that bad boy from miles away! And I used to get lost pretty often on the north side, coming from my agent's office or from an audition! Once, I got really balls lost with my mom and the kids in the car coming from visiting my agent on the north side. Keep in mind, I had never driven there before, and my GPS was acting crazy. So I get turned around, and there we are, in the middle of the afternoon near some high school on Chicago's west side where a bunch of teenagers were getting out of school! That was scary, not knowing where I was! But as I called Bry on speakerphone in a panic, I looked up and saw the Sears Tower, and I said "Okay, I know where I'm going now!" and I found my way back to the expressway! So, thank you, Sears Tower. It also helped me once I got lost coming back from Second City late night after my acting class! Once I saw it, I knew how to get back to the 55.

One day I'll come back and take the kids up to the Skydeck. You know, before they really develop fears.

Laters.

A Little Paranoid...

I'm sleepy, drinking wine and in bed watching "Dateline: Real Life Mysteries" on TLC. Okay, first of all, it's 11:35 on a Saturday night, I'm in bed with my husband, and I'm on my laptop, while he's on his Ipad. WTF, right? It's been a weird day. I went to Wal-Mart, bought some vitamins and health food stuff, seeing as how I'm a vegetarian now...again. I've felt a little light-headed since I gave up fish and eggs also, so I went and bought some supplements, including iron pills and protein powder for smoothies. Yeah, I don't find this gross, as I've bought the pre-made smoothies at Target that have protein powder in it already. I guess I'm just considered a weirdo in my family.

Me & my 5 year old daughter, Anneka Lucia

My aunt has been over all weekend, which is cool, because that gives me and Bry time to go out and do things without the kids, as we're trying to remember what it's like to just be married, and not just be "mommy and daddy". So we go out and run around the suburbs, not too far away, and I'm always a little paranoid, thinking about the kids. So we get back, and my aunt tells me that Mia had woken up crying for a minute or two, then went back to sleep, and that Ani had a nightmare and she had to calm her down. Yes, I felt guilty. I felt, for a moment, that I should have been there to calm her down. Usually, if I hear her mumbling in her sleep and sounding distressed, I go in her room and kiss her forehead and her cheek and whisper "It's okay" and "I love you", and usually, it works. It's almost like perhaps I work my way into the scary dream and it un-scaries it. I hope that's what happens. Tonight, I felt like I should have been here to kiss her and get rid of the nightmare. Yes, I'm crazy paranoid like that. And do you see why I never do anything??! LOL

Anyway, the kids are fine, they were well taken care of, Auntie Martha handled the situation fine, she didn't need to call me, and keep in mind, she's been dealing with kids much longer than I have. Yes, I'm sure Ani would have preferred to have me here to comfort her, but she was fine and I have to just look at it like that.

I'm getting out of my head, though. I'm working on it. You know, I never thought I would have kids. My brother's kids made me nervous. Perhaps it was because he came over with 4-5 of them at a time and I was a teenager, or maybe because I was always told I was a fuck-up and a dropout and I could never have the patience for kids. Now, I'm that mom who's like "There's too many kids at the playground, I don't want the girls to get knocked down by the bigger kids" or "that's not 100% juice!" I sing along to the Wiggles...I love Pocoyo just as much as they do...and no, it's not weird to be that invested in your kids...I just hope that my fears and paranoia don't end up affecting them. I want them to be able to go out into the world and try new things and if they aren't successful at everything I try, I don't want them to be afraid to try again. And I will never call them failures or screw-ups or God forbid, fuck-ups. I'll be here with open arms, and convince them to try again.

Okay, enough of this snizz. I'm going back to whooping on Bry in "Words with Friends". He is yet to beat me. Perhaps I should let him win to help his self-esteem....nahhhhhhhh!

Laters.

Never Me (new poem)

I had on nothing that day

But wearing my heart on my sleeve

And trying my best

Not to think

Emotionless and pale

With grand ideas

You comforted me

And said without words

Things I longed to hear

And tearing down walls

All these walls of fear

I boast about things

But never about love

Trying to hide the disregard

And vulgar phrases

That I only think

No one wants to hear

The poor weep

I follow my shadow

It never follows me

Do I dare even speak?

When nowadays everyone comes clean

But never me

Never ending

Never me.

Next Steps...

So, I'm thinking about what my next step is...considering I'll be in L.A. to work soon. The original plan was to continue doing "Local Couple Wins Lottery", the web series I did as a SAG signatory, that made me eligible to join the Screen Actor's Guild. Well, that looks like it's not going to happen any time soon as I'm the only one of the series actually moving to L.A. right now. I thought about continuing my Improv studies at Second City Hollywood...or The Groundlings (where Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig took Improv) or even I.O. (Improv Olympics, where Tina Fey also went, though the Chicago one...). So I've been pretty confused on what to do.

A talent manager who I'd been in contact with and met with in L.A. had some great advice to me...she wanted me to take some more acting classes once I got there, and actually be more prepared for when she can take me on as a full-on client. Out there, it's harder to get an adult in front of the right people, i.e. casting directors, talent agents, without the right stuff on your resume. Truthfully, I haven't had a bunch of acting training. I took Acting 1 when I went to Columbia College in Chicago, and then I took Acting 1 & 2 at Second City and Improv 1 there also. That's not a bunch of training, truthfully, if I'm looking to get on a sitcom, which is my goal right now. So I told the manager that I would study with a great teacher there, really understand the craft of acting, and then go out and audition for EVERYTHING...so I'll have a pretty pumped up resume by pilot season next year. But at the same time, I really love being behind the camera...and I really want to enter the writing program at Second City. Writing is essentially what makes me the happiest, the one thing that I feel the most confident in, about the acting and the singing.

So, while I'm working on other people's projects as an actor, I'm going to be working on mine. I have two projects coming up with my best friend Jontynise Smith. The first, is a comedic web series I wrote for her to star in, and I play her sister. She plays Abby, a comedy writer who's newly divorced and already questioning if she should enter a relationship with the guy she likes down the hall. It's called "With Haste", and it's bound to angry up certain people I know (clears throat) because I play a lesbian stand-up comedian. Yep. Anyway, I'm directed it and producing it also. And maybe I'll get a signatory contract for it also. On top of that, Jontynise and I are discussing doing a pilot for a show we wrote when we were pregnant with our daughters 5 years ago called "Me, You and Josh" about two best friends/roommates who are in love with the same guy. It's a comedy and it's ridiculous. I might actually start asking for donations to complete these projects, because God knows I need a Mac to edit these bad boys. It was a pain in the ass trying to edit on this POS Dell laptop...it gave me such headaches editing "Local Couple Wins Lottery".

Nevertheless, catch up on it...here's episodes 1-4 of "Local Couple Wins Lottery"!

A Whole Other Excuse

Man, I have had a lot of problems staying motivated to exercise! This is crazy. I mean, I got a gym membership a few days after Christmas in 2010 because I was sick of being unhealthy and overweight and tired all the time. I decided to be a better role model for my girls, also. I was going out in the cold of winter, a few miles away in the van, and having to change once I got there! I had to put on the boots, the scarf, the gloves, the hat, all this snizz, and then get there and take off all of that stuff and change into my workout clothes. I would look in the mirror and go "Mama's gonna be skinny real soon. Bitches will be jealous of me. My mom will ask me if I've been eating." Yeah, that snizz didn't happen.

Instead, I was cursed with a thyroid disorder or disfunction or retardation, whatever, and so it's harder for me to lose weight than a lot of people! Yay for me! And it's not as simple as "I have the fat gene" it's just simply put, I need to take medicine so my body will function properly. I don't go to the doctor like I'm supposed to, mixed with the fact that I don't always take my medicine like I'm supposed to. In other words, yes, I have to try harder to be healthy, but it's completely my own fault if I'm not healthy.

So back to 2010, I was busting my hump, super duper motivated to make it to the gym. I bought a pink lock for the locker room lockers, I bought pretty sports bras, I bought new jogging pants, I went to yoga class...fast forward to 2012...I'm 10 pounds lighter. What?! Huh?! And I go to the doctor two weeks ago, my doctor gives me a blood test, then called me to let me know that my thyroid levels were so off that if I continue down this road of stupidity (my words not hers)...then I am going to end up in a thyroid coma! She was very concerned, telling me to set a timer on my phone to let me know when I should take it. So I've been getting up every morning at 7:30, since then, and taking my medicine, then going back to bed. God! Who knew the human body needed so much maintenance?!

I mean, seriously, I have to be on top of the thyroid problem, take birth control, eat right, drink water, get enough sleep, exercise, shave different parts of my body, remember to lotion my legs, put on lip gloss, and not talk about gross stuff in front of mixed company? It's exhausting! And at the end of the day I'm supposed to not look like a sea beast?!

Okay, enough of that rant. On a serious tip, I've been way too unmotivated to exercise. I bought a yoga dvd last week, and I love yoga, so I'll try to keep on track with that. I have a yoga mat, I can do that in the living room before giving the kids breakfast. But as for my gym membership...I haven't been there at all this year! At...all. Loser much?

But I'm not down in the dumps about it. I do stay busy as of late with the packing and stressing over financial matters. Oh, and watching "Gossip Girl". And depressing movies like "Blue Valentine". But that's a whole other blog about how certain movies can make you suicidal. Nevertheless, I'll get back on track. Especially once I'm in L.A. and can't use the weather as an excuse to not go to the gym. I'll have to come up with a whole other excuse then, huh?

To Vegan or Not to Vegan...

Sometimes I really don't know what I should be writing about. My life lately has been repetitive. Everything in my life is either the amazing things my three daughters have been doing, or a variety of things related to our move to Los Angeles...including finding an apartment, plane tickets, moving companies, etc. etc. I'm not posting about that, unless I have a gripe or two. So far, no such gripes.

I could also gripe about the weather, seeing as how we were supposed to be in L.A. already by this time, but instead we're here, waiting for his job to transfer. And I can't complain too much, because hell, we're so lucky that he has a job to transfer to! Nevertheless, the snow is annoying. Chicago was hit with like, 8 inches of snow or something over the past 2 days, and it sucks all hell. It's really bad also because of the low temperatures. It was 8 degrees when I woke up the other morning!

But on to the positive, I've been trying to reverse a few of the problems I've been having by taking a new outlook on life and changing my lifestyle. Now keep in mind, by saying I'm changing the way I eat, I just mean that I'm finally giving up meat for good. But of course with me, it feels like it's not enough. I had given up chicken, beef, pork and turkey. Okay, I never was much of a beef eater, even less of a pork eater. I would eat a burger or steak maybe once every two months. Well, because of my stomach problems, I seriously had to rethink all I was doing. I once got an upset stomach from eating fruit! FRUIT! Yes, that sounds ridiculous. It was a mixture of the stress I was under and all of the bad foods I was eating! So I gave up the chicken nuggets, the crispy chicken sandwiches, the fish sticks, because just because it's not beef or pork, doesn't mean it's healthy! I got a gym membership, I even stopped eating fish (mainly because I realized I was allergic to it! You're not supposed to get tingly lips and a sore throat from eating fish?! Really? Lol).

So, instead of sitting around complaining, or, you know, starving, I just started eating vegetables, rice, pasta, fruits, and Boca and MorningStar products. I mean, I seriously love the Boca Vegan Burger! And then I downloaded a vegan cookbook to my Kindle! I don't know if I can go totally vegan, but I might try it for a week or two, just to see if I starve to death! Besides, seeing my old friend Jennifer Hudson accomplish what she did, losing 80 pounds and completely changing her life...I mean, if my girl can do it, I can do it. It's seriously weird seeing someone who I used to know (Dunbar high school choir, what! lol), up there, doing her thing, winning awards, being beloved by millions and just being an inspiration. I saw a Dateline interview with her today, and I just realized I still love that girl. We weren't best friends in high school, but we hung with some of the same people and she was always a sweetheart. So glad that she's accomplished so much and overcome so much. I bought her book for the Kindle too. I'm going to start reading it tonight!

Later Homies!

Just because I love Eisley

Okay, so anybody who knows me knows how I feel about the band Eisley. I first heard of them probably in 2002 from one of those "You Hear It First" dealies on MTV, you know, back when they actually played music...oh, how that was soooo long ago...anyway, back then, Eisley still consisted of people in their teens and were singing about Sea Kings and going over mountains and stuff. Since then, I've had the amazing chance of meeting them and staying current with them, talking to them from time to time online and seeing them almost every time they come to Chicago and actually getting to speak with them and have real conversations. Some may say my love for Eisley may be a semi-obsessive. I hope to someday have them do the entire soundtrack to one of my films...

But also because of Eisley, I have discovered a lot of amazing music. Most of it indie rock. I just became enthralled with this band called TallHart and Kashmir.

I posted a few Eisley videos for your viewing pleasure, and a pic of me with some of my favorite people in the world...my dear friends EISLEY! (That I sometimes refer to as "The Eisleys", though their last name is Dupree...lol

Eisley "Smarter" off of their 2010 album "The Valley"

I thought they sounded so good and looked so amazing...

Their newest video "The Valley"

and just because I love this song by Kashmir, and Stacy is so pretty. This has to be at least 5 years old or something...

Sherri's tumblr:

http://sdupreebemis.tumblr.com/

Stacy's blog for her solo project:

http://sucrediaries.blogspot.com/

Video I took from the last show I saw live of theirs, May 26th, 2011:

"Better Love"

"Terrible Service" - a short story

I entered the diner and quickly found Albert. He had been sitting there, perhaps a little too long, waiting for me. He seemed displeased with my epic tardiness, but the fact that he continued to wait made me smile just a little. With a frown upon his face, he began the tale of his day including the toast his mother burned and tried to force feed him, and continued his tale of anguish that concludes with my late arrival. He complained of the slow service and the terrible bread on the BLT he apparently scarfed down, seeing as if there was no trace of it on his plate.

I grew annoyed, as he rambled off complaint after complaint, not once asking me why I had shown up an hour late to our supposed lunch date. He had to know that I had absolutely no romantic interest in him and had only agreed to discuss a possibility of us working together.

I sat there, eyes transfixed on the couple across from me, having some sort of heated discussion. It seems that he'd been calling her sister a little too much and she was beginning to question if she should be marrying him at all. I watched the two talk over each other in a loop of "I'm sorrys" and "please don'ts" when Albert stopped talking. He focused his eyes on me, and spoke.

"How do you want her to die?" He asked in a hushed whisper. I gulped at the boldness of his question. We'd always spoken of her as "The problem that needs to be taken care of". Not once, ever, was death, or God forbid, murder ever brought up.

I guess one could inference that is what needed to be done, however challenging it may be. I knew that she was the daughter of a policeman who lived on Long Island. But that was so far away, he would never be given the case. Especially not his own daughter's murder case. I gulped at the boldness of my own thoughts.

"I want her destroyed, Albert! Not dead!" I exclaimed, though in hushed tones. He picked up his glass of water and took long, thirsty gulps. All of a sudden, he seemed more nervous than annoyed.

"I know this is about him. He'd never let her go. She's not going to just go back where she came from. She's not running home to daddy...she's stuck in his brain for good. What did you think would happen?"

I sat there, tapping my foot nervously. I fidgeted. I adjusted my dress. I noticed I had a hang nail and began to bite it. I then focused back on the couple across from us. She had forgiven him. The wedding was no longer in jeopardy. They were kissing and making up. Brendan had never kissed me like that. He never kissed me the way he kissed Delilah. Perhaps he never would. But I would never know with her in the way.

Just then, the waitress came up to our table. It was the first time I'd even seen a waitress in the amount of time I'd been there.

"So, have you made a decision yet?" She asked me, pen and paper in hand.

"I haven't been given a menu…yet". I said, half-smirking, staring at Albert. He smiled back as the waitress walked away to the front of the diner to retrieve a menu.

Albert was right. That diner really did have terrible service. And the bread really was awful.

More Than Halfway There

So this is getting serious...I feel like I'm more than halfway there...and I should be documenting this more! It's been such a struggle, all this time trying to figure out what I need to be doing and where do I fit in and who am I and all of those other crazy cliche's that you hear in the beginning of coming-of-age films, as a narration/voice-over by the main character. I'm too old for the narration/voice-over movie...right? Unless it's about Drew Barrymore going back to high school and pretending she's not over 30. That was a coming-of-age film, right? "Never Been Kissed"...that's the title!

Anyway, I have a penchant for rambling. Let me get down to the point. I want to be a Hollywood writer. I want to write sitcoms and films. I want to be constantly working. I haven't done much of anything but write my entire life! I remember staying up late at night, working on a little film I entitled "Falling". I had this old dusty busted computer that I had Microsoft Word on and I would sit there in my room, with the door locked, and just write and write. I remember my friends calling me on three-way and me tuning them out because I was so engrossed in the dialogue I was writing. I eventually retitled the film "Words to a Page" and entered it into a screenplay competition. It didn't win, but I think I should re-enter it this year. Who knows? You may see it on the big screen next year!

I just want to prepare myself. I want to be a better writer. I didn't attend Harvard or the Tisch School of the Arts. I didn't even finish at Columbia College...I need to educate myself. I need to go back and read the great works. I need Ernest Hemingway...that's a writer I haven't touched yet. I have read a lot of great books over the years, and read lots of great poetry, but I think I'll make a list of the greats I haven't touched upon yet.

Meanwhile, for inspiration, I will go back to Arthur Rimbaud and Robert Frost...my first loves, who inspired my poetry as a child. I should also re-read "The Outsiders". And I had an epiphany that there are several major Shakespeare plays I never read! I've read "Hamlet" and "Romeo and Juliet"...that's it! So in between working on my writing portfolio and challenging myself to write on a variety of topics, not just my silly problems and screwed-up life, I'm going to read about other people's silly problems and screwed-up lives...fictional or not. I'm going to Amazon to fill up my Kindle!

Later lovelies!


...The Tempest. I read The Tempest freshman year of college. Just had to add that. 3 of the 50,000 plays* Shakespeare wrote!


*May be an inaccurate amount of plays that Shakespeare wrote.

You Can't Force Someone to Love You

It really trips me out that so many people have been reading this little ol' blog. This thing started out of boredom, then just became an outlet for my musings. Now, I've been using it to update friends, family, well-wishers and haters about my triumphant move to Los Angeles (3 weeks baby! Yeah!).

With that said, I think I haven't been updating this thing enough, really. I mean, that's mostly because I stay pretty busy with the kids and packing and watching a lot of tv (really, pay attention to my GetGlue profile...lol).

I've been going through emotional things when it comes to my family and friends. Not any close friends, thank God, but close family members. For some reason, I'm not allowed to be upset with people in my family, and by upset I mean "crying, you hurt me" upset instead of "I hate you, please die" upset. Some people can't tell the difference. So I tell a certain person that I'm hurt, and I'm crying, it's mistaken for anger and certain people really don't seem to care that I'm moving across the country in less than a month and doesn't want to take advantage of the time they have with me and would instead feel better being angry at me moving across the country and chalk it up to "You're moving to L.A, I assumed I would never see you again"...though this person has no problem going to the south or Las Vegas on gambling trips, it's way too much to take a flight to Los Angeles to see a person you're supposed to love.

But you can't force someone to love you. You can't force someone to care. You can't grab someone and yell at them "why don't you love me?!" because it's not going to make them see you any other way. They're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and admit they're wrong, or apologize or hug and kiss you and say how much they love you. It'll never happen so it's time to let it go. I'm 30, I'm a mom...all I can do is adore my little girls and make sure they never have to question my love for them.

Okay...well...I'm a writer and I just wrote one long run-on sentence. Now I feel sick because I went against several of my rules...including the run-on sentence and using the word "haters".

Laters.

Worry is a Full-Time Job

So the real apartment searching has begun! Well, actually, I guess it really started in November when I was in L.A. actually going to apartments, but that's when we were supposed to be moving December 1st! Either way, the real REAL apartment searching has begun in L.A. and I have some pretty good choices so far! I called some places and the Bestie Jontynise is going to drop by and see a few of them for us and give us her expert apartment-hunting opinion. (Sidenote: She moves a lot! Lol)

Either way, we are almost there! I spoke with the manager who wants to sign the girls and she wants some new photos of them. Wait until she sees the phones from Anneka's 5th birthday party! She looked some amazing, with her long hair done and this beautiful white dress my aunt/her Godmother got her just for the party! And I have video of the three girls dancing in the living room. They're all so charismatic!

I'm still afraid of what's to come once we get to L.A. My three little girls are so special, and I know I feel that way because I'm their mom, but I'm a little afraid that everyone will see how amazing they are too and I have this fear of losing them. Not in a dramatic way, just losing a little part of them that belonged specifically to me. Does that make sense? It may sound crazy to some, especially considering they are my children and I am in control of whether or not they even have careers at such a young age. I know they like to perform, and I know it could mean they'll have money for college, but if at any point they get overwhelmed, or I get overwhelmed, I will pull them out of acting/modeling whatever.

I mean, I actually enjoy them spending time with their dad on his days off, and I get to go around and do some things I've meaning to do, like shopping or running errands, or even just going in the bedroom to write. But then once Bry goes back to work, I also really enjoy having them back to myself. Watching them play together and get in trouble together. Well, maybe not the get in trouble part, but I really do enjoy time alone with the kiddies. They're so funny and smart and I can't believe I can have real conversations with little kids! It still amazes me! Especially lately since the twins have started speaking practically in full sentences! I can't believe they're only 2! And Anneka and I had a conversation last night about the film "Midnight in Paris". I told her what happens in it, including the fact that Owen Wilson's character got to meet Picasso, and she thought that was cool! Then I told her about Ernest Hemingway. She's only 5!

But I'm not going to let fear rule my life. Or ruin it. What will be will be and I'm learning to shut my mind down after a certain hour each night. I should only worry about "what if's" from 9-5. Worry is indeed a full time job! LOL