Adorable...but DANGEROUS

Usually, I wake up in the morning as Bry is leaving for work, get the girls started with some cereal, juice, milk, whatever, then go into the living room to watch a little tv and have a mug of coffee to get through the day. Yes, I said mug, not cup. You need a bunch to deal with three kids on your own the whole day! Well, lately, I've been having these stomach problems that keep me from having that amount of caffeine first thing in the morning! It's like, if I have coffee in the morning, my stomach will start hurting a short amount of time later...and yes, I have a doctor's appointment to check up on it, but still! So I've offset it by drinking a small amount of caffeine here and there throughout the day, with food. And I've been trying to eat foods that will give me energy, especially since I haven't really been eating meat. Everything seems to make my stomach hurt lately! Family think it's the stress of the move, working on the web series, the kids, etc. etc.

I'm trying not to think too much of it, because, obviously, it could just be acid reflux, which seems to run in my family and I'll just have to take Zantac or something everyday. But stressing about if stress is causing my stomach pain doesn't sound like a good idea, right?? And usually I'm fine with energy, especially lately as long as I'm eating small amounts of food throughout the day while taking care of the kids, doing housework, writing, etc. I've been eating a lot of apples, oatmeal, yogurt, cereal, just things that don't hurt my stomach. And it gives me a pretty good amount of energy throughout the day. But now, it's 10:30 at night, and I'm BEAT! I feel like someone whooped my ass! Seriously! And yes, that's accurate, because my kids hurt me all day!

I went to kiss Laila yesterday, and she turned her head quickly and somehow my lip got caught in her teeth! How the hell does that happen?! She's 2, she doesn't realize what she did, I'm yelling "Ow! Oh my God!" and checking for blood. She giggled and ran off, not realizing what just happened. Anneka, who's almost 5, came over to see about me. There was no blood. Oh, and this happened last month too...but with Mia! And speaking of Mia, her hands swung around while playing today and slapped me across my face! Again, completely accidental, but DAMN!

I have been head-butted in the nose (thought my nose was broken), busted in the teeth (thought my tooth was knocked out!), knocked down (the twins like to run at me at the same time), kicked, spit on...and that's on top of the typical mommy things I have to deal with! I mean, are these kids conspiring to kill me?? They want mommy in a home before the age of 40? Help!

These twins are so rough! They're girls, 2 1/2, adorable, real girly when it comes to dresses and shoes and playing with dolls...Mia cries if you don't put a dress on her! But then they're like 2 little boys...knocking into me, throwing things, climbing on things. And they're really good kids...they'll stop if you tell them to, they don't mettle with everything in the house, they don't intentionally hit and fight...no real tantrums...they're just rough and tumble little girls! Adorable...but dangerous!

Aww...I know I complain about them...but I love them so! All three of them make my life so much more awesome. My Ani, Mia, Laila! Totally in love with my Googlies...lol

L.A. Soon Enough

So we're not moving until January...which sucks and blows...and makes more sense at the same time. I know it makes more sense to wait until after the holidays, especially considering Anneka turns 5 on Dec. 19th. I really thought we'd be in L.A. Dec. 1st, and we could celebrate her birthday there with my best friend Jontynise and her two kids. This really kinda sucks. I'm trying to look on the bright side of things, by taking an acting workshop or two while I'm still here so when I get out there, I can show the manager I'm going to sign with that I'm on top of things. I'm also going to do two more episodes of "Local Couple Wins Lottery" and do these one-on-one sessions with Jenny Lamb, my acting teacher from Second City. I have a lot to keep me busy over the next month, but keep in mind, soon snow will come and I'll be annoyed. A little over a week ago, I was in L.A. with peep toe heels and a tank top with leggings. That snizz ain't happening here!

I guess I just have to friggin' focus. I'll be in L.A. soon enough. When I get there, I'm going to start work on a new web series, starring my bestie Jontynise Smith! I'll be co-starring in it as her older sister, a stand-up comedian. She plays a young woman who is newly divorced, but is falling in love with a guy who lives in her building and her sister is trying to talk her out of going straight from a marriage to a relationship. It's called "With Haste". I've only written episode ideas, no actual scripts yet. That's soon to come. I'm trying to figure out if I'll sign a SAG agreement, because then it'll make Jontynise SAG eligible, and I'm already SAG eligible, so I have to figure that out.

By the way, today I met a chick at my local Starbucks who looked like an actress! She was actress gorgeous! I gave her my card, telling her I was a producer. I think it sounded weird. Hope she didn't think I was trying to pick up on her...I didn't tell her she was gorgeous! I just told her she looked like an actress! I was with Bry anyway...unless she thought we were one of those swinging couples! OMG...

You know you love me...
xoxo
Angelina Grace

(all you Gossip Girl fans will get why I just signed this like that...haha!)

My Love for Natalie Wood

All of this Natalie Wood news is really bothering me. Natalie Wood is part of the reason why I became an actress. As a little girl, my mother showed me "West Side Story" and "Rebel Without a Cause" and I wanted to  see more of her films, so my mother showed me "Love With the Proper Stranger", which solidified my adoration of her.  To this day, "Stranger" is one of my favorite films of all time.

But one must understand where the upset comes from. Almost the entire time I've been alive, I knew Natalie was dead. She died when I was a baby. I was born that February, she died in November. So, at some point, we were alive at the same time, so unfortunately, no, I guess it's impossible for me to be the reincarnation of her...but all jokes aside, all of this news of reopening her case is almost like I have to deal with her death! I watched Inside Edition yesterday, and after all of the news of Regis' last day on the air, the news shifted to the depressing story of Natalie's death...and they showed news footage from 1981 of the body bag that held her body. It fucked me up! It felt like dealing with Selena's death all over again.

And it's so sad to have to deal with the death of someone who inspires you, the reason why you dream of greater things...just last week I was in Hollywood, at Grauman's Chinese theater, putting my hands in Natalie's handprints. It was surreal. I felt her presence! It was amazing! I wanted to thank her for being so amazing and giving me these dreams of being an actress and thinking that it was possible to be like her, so adored, so respected. And then seeing her star on the walk of fame, of course, I had to take a picture with it! And now, I come home, to the reality of packing and being more than 3000 miles away from the place I belong, and I'm sidetracked by all of this news of her death! It feels almost like she just died!

What is also weird is, I always, to some extent, felt like Natalie belonged to me! I know that sounds mad crazy, but when you ask people who their favorite classic Hollywood actresses are, they never really say Natalie Wood! Not everyone in the world knows who she is! People usually say Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn...no one ever says Natalie Wood! But me! And my auntie Carolyn, who said she cried when she found out Natalie died. She was old enough to have dealt with her death in 1981. I feel like I have to deal with it now.

So in the meantime, while packing and preparing to move, I'm going to watch "Rebel" and "West Side Story" and teach my daughters about who she was and why she was amazing. And I'll shed a tear or two, and always think of her when I'm dreaming of someday being a classic Hollywood actress.

On a side note, my Auntie Martha says I remind her of Natalie because we both always wear too much eye make-up. She says we both have such pretty eyes, we shouldn't wear such thick black eyeliner! Auntie Martha is hilarious, right?!

Out.

I Went Hollywood Tonight

So I was afraid to fly...did it! I really was. Bry dropped me off at the airport, and I was seriously like "Oh my God...why did I think this was a good idea?" And then I meet this guy, much older than me, who was more afraid to fly than I was! He told me he's flown before, but it's been 25 years. I haven't flown for 15 years, and never by myself. So I'm thinking "maybe I shouldn't be talking to someone who is more afraid than I am..." but then I realized that talking to him actually calmed me down. I was telling him "We're going to be okay...we'll get there safely" and my need to nurture and mommy made me jump into "care" mode. I was able to suck it up and made him feel better. It also helped that the woman sitting next to us was used to flying and it was no big deal to her, but she wasn't laughing at us or anything...I mean, maybe she did later to her friends! I even made that joke to her!

But nonetheless, I made it to L.A. safely and I'm so happy that I didn't chicken out and call off the trip...not that I would have! I made it here, safe and sound, and I'm staying with the best friend person, Jontynise. I've had such an adventure so far, and I've only been here 2 days! I've been all over Hollywood, partially in the valley, and even to Orange County! And, I've been up in the Hollywood Hills! I'll post pictures on here at some point, but in the meantime, you can go to my facebook page: www.facebook.com/angelinascene if you want to see the whole arsenal of my Hollywood trip...so far. I am determined to get closer to the damn Hollywood sign, especially considering that they don't let people touch the sign, from fears of suicides and graffiti, but you can get close enough to get a real clear pic...I wanna do that before I go home.

Meanwhile, I'm missing my 3 babies like crazy! I miss their little chubby cheeks and the way Mia says "yesh" instead of "yes" and the way Laila whines for her BearBear. I miss how Ani talks with her hands like me and asks me questions back to back. I also miss my big ass tv and watching "Gossip Girl" with the incomparable Penn Badgley on Netflix. Oh well. 2 more days. I think Bry really misses me too. He just texted me to say good-night. I miss him too.

On cable, you can say the word 'shit'!

Halloween was so much fun with my girls. We went around the neighborhood, with the girls dressed as Lalaloopsy dolls! The older people didn't get it, seeing as how they're relatively new dolls, but the younger kids got it! They only released 3 different costumes, so having 3 daughters worked out well, huh? Funnier yet, yes, I collect the Lalaloopsy dolls myself, and Mia has one doll, Laila has one doll, Ani has 3, and I have 5! That's sad, isn't it? I should probably stop writing this. I should probably delete that. Ah, fuck it!

So I'll be in L.A. in a little over a week to find an apartment! Did I mention I've never been to L.A.?? I've seriously been obsessed with the idea of moving out there since I was a teenager! Actually, maybe even before that! Remember the movie "My Girl 2", when Vada went out to L.A. to stay with her uncle from the first one so she could find out more about her mother, who died during childbirth? Yeah, I'm pretty sure very few people remember that film. Anyway, I think that movie may have started my obsession with L.A. I have odd things that inspired me. I first decided to write a film because of an episode of "Degrassi"...yes, the original show. The episode where Lucy made a horror film for a class project. I then wrote my own. True story. Stop judging me!

Anyway, I'm going out there with a brand-new written pilot episode for "Local Couple Wins Lottery"! I wrote a whole 22-minute episode that I want to shop around to networks. I'm hoping for ABC, but I would really love a cable network. On cable, you can say the word "shit". No lie.

So I'm going to meet with my cast before I go to L.A., let them know what's going on and make sure everyone is still down, though they've already told me they are. Oh! I also edited all 4 parts together for a film festival! I just submitted it, and I won't know their decision until Dec. 15th...biting my nails!

And if you haven't already, visit my Youtube channel so you can watch all 4 episodes! And watch my short snippet of a song I've been working on with Bry called "Stupid Fucking Heart"! I'm going to go work on it again after I put Ani to bed. Since the girls share a room, I put the twins to bed first, then Ani goes to bed about half an hour later, after the twins are asleep. If I put them all to bed at the same time, Ani keeps them up. It's frustrating. But it works for now. This totally won't be a problem when I have a Hollywood Hills home. For realsies. Ani needs her own bedroom.

Laters!

A Temporary Lack of Focus

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me lately. I've been seriously lacking focus, which is funny because I'm always telling other people to focus!

And then the last few days, I've been feeling overly tired and light-headed. I don't know what the deal is with that, but I made myself a doctor's appointment just to make sure I'm all good before I fly to L.A. on November 12th. It would suck to be feeling this way while on the way to, or while in L.A. I'm going there to get a lot done in a small amount of time, so I need to be feeling a-ok!

With the lacking of focus, I think I've been trying to do too much, so it feels like I'm just bouncing all over the place. I'm starting to think I don't have time to actually do any real work while still here in Chicago. I only have a month before we move to L.A. and there is so much to do. I'm trying to find an apartment, looking online, calling places, and then trying to pack while my daughters keep throwing toys in the boxes I put together for packing! It's frustrating! Can I put them in daycare just so I can pack?!

But, thank God, my aunt will be here this weekend, so I kinda get a break. Yes, I have to make breakfast for one more person this weekend, but she usually buys dinner from a restaurant, so that's a total score! And on top of that, I can go "I'm going to the mall to look at shoes, do you mind watching the kids for a few hours?" and she goes "That's fine". Score!

But all I've been thinking about is, "what am I going to do once I get to L.A.?" The talent manager I'm meeting  with, Michele, thinks I should try to get myself some acting work to put more on my resume, and get into a good acting class, like the Margie Haber studio. I just can't wait to get there! There are a bunch of options. It's literally been keeping me up at night, all of the things that are going on right now. Yoga and meditation before bed? Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I shall try that tonight! It's worked before, so I'll try it again.

Laters.

I can join SAG now!!!

So I found out a few days ago that I am now eligible to join the Screen Actors Guild! It's amazing, considering that I've been out there, working on and off as an actress since I was 16! It feels so amazing to say that I can join, as soon as I have the $2277!

But in the meantime, I'm taking "Local Couple Wins Lottery" to the festivals! I'm actually entering it into a festival in the next few days, and then all of us will get IMDB credit for it, and  hopefully get chosen by the festival for screening!

I've been so busy, with packing and editing and looking up fests, and trying to figure out what acting school I'm going to in L.A. Oh, and of course, apartment hunting online! So I fly to L.A. on November 12th and I'll be staying with the bestie, Jontynise, the whole time I'm there. I already have a meeting with a talent manager, who is also interested in signing my 3 lovely daughters. She thinks she can get them a decent amount of work out there. Especially the twins, because twins are in such high demand because they can get more done with 2 kids working at different times. One 2 year old can only work so long, legally.

I just can't help but to think about the possibilities...living in L.A., writing and producing my own stuff. It's really starting to hit me that all of this is going on! And I'm too excited! And I've been so driven lately! I even wrote a song the other night...with the help of Bry, but I wrote the lyrics and came up with a melody, and he started playing on his guitar, and I was able to match the melody on my guitar. What's interesting is, I don't regularly play guitar! I have an acoustic guitar, a good one, that I barely play. Hell, my daughters play my guitar more than I do! It's just this creative energy around me...the energy of hopes and dreams coming to fruition...that shit is gold. Wish I could bottle it!

Tragic Tendencies

Tragic tendencies

Is it considered tragedy when you create them yourself

Teach me not to think

Teach me not to believe

I’ll teach you not to breathe

Breathing is so shallow

We all do it in vain

What should I even scream for?

This love is so shallow

No depth, all delusion

Illustrated to a point

A point of overcoming erase

Believe in what you want

Instead of what this is

I want to breathe into you

Release this from inside of me

Feel that you need me

Just as much as I need you to breathe

And overcoming this hell

And going out of our minds

The days are coming

All of it is coming

Are you ready for it

And are you ready to feel it more

I prayed for it

No matter how unimportant I felt

I always felt important to you

From the moment our eyes met

And our fingers touched

It was a reason to be

And a reason to see.

Film Writing Playlist

So, each week I'm in a totally different mood, based on what's going on in my life. This week, I've been studying French films because I really want to write a kind of French film noir, but in English. I've gone to Netflix to watch some French subtitled films. I saw things similar when I was in film school at Columbia. Anyway, when I write dramatic pieces, I usually assign a soundtrack to it, by creating a playlist through Itunes. This is the playlist I've been listening to while writing:

Dido - Here With Me
Florence and the Machine - Cosmic Love
Tegan & Sara - The Cure
Eisley - I Wish
Best Coast - Our Deal
Fiona Apple - O'Sailor
Tori Amos - Carbon
Duncan Sheik - Wishful Thinking
Frou Frou - Let Go
Maria Mena - This Bottle of Wine
Rachel Yamagata - Worn Me Down
The Gathering - When the Sun Hits

An Obsession with Words...and Arthur Rimbaud

I once saw a film called "Total Eclipse", around the time I was obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio (and I still might be...who are you to judge, huh?)...nevertheless, I had to see every film he was ever in at the time. So I stayed up late one night, as a teen, and watched the film on cable. It changed my life. It was panned by critics, but it changed my life. After seeing the tortured life of this gifted poet played out on screen by this amazingly talented actor, I started writing poetry, and my life became more about Arthur Rimbaud than of Leonardo Dicaprio. He inspired songs and poetry and love in me that I did not know existed. Rimbaud made me realize that words that come from you can change you. And there are days where I am obsessed with certain words and feel the need to get them out and spend hours writing. It's because of Rimbaud, probably my greatest poetic inspiration...

The poem that changed the way I write and inspired my song "Words to a Page" and my poem "My Cracked Boots"...

My Bohemia (Fantasy)

And so I went, hands thrust in torn pockets.

My coat was more idea than fact.

Beneath the sky – my Muse, my liege- I went;

Oh my what dreams of splendid loves I had!

My one and only trousers were hugely holed

Starry-eyed Tom Thumb, I strewed my path

With verse. I laid my head at Great Bear Inn

My stars swished softly in the sky

And, seated on roadsides, I heard them

On lovely evenings in September, feeling dew

Drop on my face, like invigorating wine;

And rhyming verse among the phantom shadows,

I harp on the laces of  my wounded boots,

One foot by my heart.

Afraid to Fly

I'm tired and trying to work. Lately, I think I always feel sleepy. Perhaps not enough coffee? Probably not. I am super busy, that's part of it. Even when I'm not filming the web series, I'm at home working on it WHILE trying to take care of 3 kids WHILE Bry is at work. It's exhausting! Any supermommy knows that! I don't understand how single moms do it! I love that moment when Bry texts me "I'm on my way home"! That's when I breathe a sigh of relief, cause I know I can go eat, watch tv or take a nap. During the day, it's all about Elmo and Dora. lol

I'm planning a trip to L.A. to look at apartments and meet with this talent manager who may want to sign me and the girls. It's nerve-wrecking, especially because I feel so close to all I ever dreamed of. My mother said she knew I would be famous someday, but seriously, this is the first time in my life I actually feel confident that I can do all of this. My extra drive probably has a lot to do with the kids. I mean, I went to film school before I had babies, but I always strayed from my path. I got side-tracked very easily. When I met Bry, I started ditching school! That was stupid! I could've had my degree! And it's not like he was telling me to ditch school...but anyway, I'm just glad I'm finally on track and that's where I'm going to stay.

But...there's one small, tiny, tinsey little issue...I'm afraid to fly! Yes, I have flown before, but I was 15! I have not flown since September 11th! The last time I flew, it was 1996! I went to Disney World with my mom, mom's best friend and her daughter, my best friend, and her little brother. It was more exciting than scary. I've seen way more since then! Not only Sept.11th, but I watch Inside Edition every day! That show teaches me that anything that can happen, will happen, and it will happen to me! Not to diss the show, because I am addicted to it, but it really does make me more fearful of everything. Perhaps I shouldn't watch it anymore?!

Also, I  have way more of a reason to live now! I have 3 daughters! The idea of doing something risky and end up dying and not being around for them, that's what scares me shitless! And...being away from them for 4 days? How in the hell am I going to live without them for that long?? I'm so driven, I'm not going to talk myself out of it. I'm not going to go 'I'm scared, I'm not going to L.A.', but geez, it's gonna be hard!

Okay, back to editing Episode 4! I just needed to vent!

"Local Couple Wins Lottery" Episode Spoilers!

Filming episode 4 tomorrow! Which is cool and sucks at the same time, because I only signed up to do 4 episodes. I truthfully started thinking 4 episodes would be too much before I started. I felt a lot of anxiety in the days leading up to filming episode 1. I'd never taken on a project like this, and of course, I started questioning if I could do it. During the process, though, I became more confident and started thinking this is something I should be doing more of. I even thought that 4 episodes would be really time-consuming and I was thinking I wanted to spend time doing stand-up and auditioning for other projects. Now I'm thinking, there's no rush, obviously, and I should have signed on to do more episodes. I mean, the sky is the limit! Youtube doesn't cancel web series!

So since I signed the SAG signatory papers for just 4 episodes, they gave me a huge amount of time to get them done before I would have to sign more papers. The contract actually expires in August 2014! I would have had 3 years to finish 4 episodes. So I figured, screw it! I'll sign some new signatory papers and put way more episodes on there...just how many, I wonder?

Tonight, before my husband took my aunt home, she was questioning where I want the series to go. What will be the evolution of the characters, etc. I told her that I'm trying to stay away from the things that Roseanne did on her show when her and her family won the lottery. I don't want it to be a rip-off of the last season of Roseanne, where we go to some out-there spa and the husband goes to California and cheats on his wife. Right now, I'm thinking, Jake & Michelle's biggest dilemma is where they're going to live, and how to come to a middle ground between excess and whatever the hell the opposite of excess is.

I've come up with some great episode ideas, also! Should I mention what's to come? Okay...I'll give a few spoilers...

Jake & Michelle start discussing whether or not they should have a baby...Mike becomes a reality show star after Michelle & Jake turn down the offer to have cameras follow them...Michelle hates the service they're getting at a restaurant, so she buys it just to fire the entire staff.

Uh oh...I've said too much! I've given away a whole season worth of episodes!

That's another thing...I don't have studio big-wigs in my face telling me what to do and telling me how many episodes have been ordered...how many episodes should I go ahead and sign up for? A regular season is 22 episodes. That's ridic, I'm not doing that...how about like, 10? That could be a full web series season?

Comments appreciated! Thanks!

PS...Re-reading this, I realized I ended a LOT of sentences with prepositions! My aunt the former high school English teacher would shoot me in the ass! Don't tell her about this blog, mm'kay? Thanks!

Episode Two of "LCWL"

So I just realized I never posted episode 2 of "Local Couple Wins Lottery" on my blog! Epic fail. Failure of epic proportions.

Let me just give you a side-note about episode 2..."Mike" is Michelle's brother, who obviously has his own ideas of what he would do if he won a shitload of money. "Mike" is played by my good friend Phillip Nathaniel, whom I met at Second City in Jenny Lamb's acting class. What a great experience that was, considering I had been acting for years, and she taught me so much more on top of that. Phillip, though, is one of those people that you meet and instantly connect with, which I rarely do. He has such an amazing energy! He's from this reality show that came on Vh1 called "Money Hungry", which I had never heard of before meeting him! I have several friends who were like "Yes, I know who that is!" cause they watched the show. I haven't...yet! Nonetheless, we filmed this episode at my mom's house also, which is supposed to be the two main characters' house. We had to keep stopping during filming because so much background noise on the street kept interrupting! I have a shitload of outtakes from that day and bloopers! There was the noisy ass garbage truck, the guy with the leaf blower, and then a school bus pulled up and started unloading elderly passengers, that  I swear, took 4 hours!

Enjoy episode 2, party people! Episode 3 will be released soon, and introduces a new character, "Benny", played by Marcellus Norwood, another Second City alum!

Shooting Episode 3!

I had so much fun shooting episode 3 of "Local Couple Wins Lottery" yesterday! I was kind of nervous all day, trying to figure out how to shoot this thing, and if we were going to make it there on time. We were to begin shooting in the evening, and we had a bunch of things to do before that. Like grocery shopping. Oh, and I hit the gym for an hour that morning. But by the time we got to my mom's house to shoot, I was so tired! I really should have had more coffee! And Marcellus, who plays Benny, got there maybe a minute or two before we did because me and Bry still had to drop off the kids at my Aunt's house down the street.

Joey showed up maybe 10 minutes later and we got to work. Thank God me and Bry had planned out every shot we needed (storyboarding, without the board). We realized it's a little harder to shoot with 3 people, figuring out where everyone is going to stand and where the camera needs to be, but it's also way more fun. I had never worked with Marcellus before, but I'm so glad we found him because he turned out to be hilarious! He was so funny and so consistent with his facial expressions! So when we got home last night and put the kids to bed, Bry hooked up the camera to our living room tv and just watched the raw footage. We watched every take and laughed our asses off! And it got funnier as we got more comfortable! We were even laughing at the way Bry yelled "ACTION!"  and the guys came through the door, talking about God knows what, to find my character, Michelle, standing there. The look on Marcellus and Joey's faces, take after take, just friggin' priceless!

I'm having so much fun shooting this web series! And me, Marcellus & Phillip are so close to becoming SAG eligible! Not Joey, who's had his SAG card since he was a kid! What an amazing story he has! If you Google him, there's stuff about the play he did at Steppenwolf as a kid with Jane Lynch! He's an amazing actor.

Okay, enough about gushing over my actors, however amazing they may be. Mommy duties beckon. Ani's on the desktop computer playing games, Mia is playing my guitar and singing (I'm not kidding...she's 2 and plucking strings and singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star'!) And Laila is blow-drying her teddy bear's hair with Ani's toy blow dryer. Hilare!

Laters.

Think of Me (poem)

We could be beautiful together
If you chose to make it so
But you don't think
Don't think about me

I could hate the moon
And laugh at the stars
And walk the streets confused
And you still won't think about me

I could die among the thieves
Or lie and cheat and bruise
And cry a million tears
But you won't think of me

While my chest pounds and beats
And the children are asleep
And though I still chose to breathe
You will never think of me.

More Than Nothing

More new poetry:

"More Than Nothing"

Call me insane

I’ll dye the words into my skin

Just as a reminder of the shit I’m in

Just call me crazy

I’ll call you unfair

Injustice spreads through the world

Like a wildfire in my back yard

The back of my brain knows these things best

As I pull the thoughts from my mind

Praying they make sense in words and phrases

Adjusting to new times and new sounds

Running towards freedom,

Bare feet on gravel and sand

You sleep soundly

So comfortable in your own skin

Mine is dyed and tainted

Relaxing is not a form that I can take

Appreciate the sounds and the smells in the air

And laughter

And a full moon

Is more than nothing

I’m here.

With Armor

I hadn't written poetry in a while...I wrote a chapbook a few years ago that's available on Amazon now, but poetry...well, I have to be struck with some sort of inspiration. Nonetheless...here's something:

I don’t care if I’m seen

Or breathe near you

I expect the lesser

Not the greater

Just happy to be near

Or next to you

I’m falling in a circle

Perhaps a pile

At your feet

I know the deal

It’s true to me

And who I wish to be

I falter

I fail

I’m lies and deceit

You’re everything and nothing

As I’m at your feet

And just when it’s safe

I hold my hand to you

You give me strength

As you move in me

With calm

With armor

Within you.

Local Couple Wins Lottery: Ep 1!

We did it! We filmed the first episode, I spent all week editing it, and now here it is, for your viewing pleasure!

Web Series Shootage!

We filmed two scenes yesterday for my web series "Angelina's Scene". It's a sketch comedy show that I'm going to put on Youtube.

I wrote this 4-part sketch called "Local Couple Wins Lottery". Basically, a young married couple win the lottery, and they haven't even gotten the money yet, and the husband is already spending it. It's really based on the last season of "Roseanne" and an episode of "Martin". And me and my own husband talking about what we would do if we won the lottery. I remember telling him "You would spend all the money before we got a dime!". That's where the idea came from! Lol

But anyway, it was a great experience. For those of you who don't normally read my blog, I've been talking about how I got SAG signatory status to film it so I can use a SAG actor, and on top of that, me and the other actors will become eligible to join the guild! Joining the Screen Actor's Guild really opens up doors for you, so I'm trying to do that as soon as I get to Hollywood!  Besides, I like being a producer! I wrote my first film when I was 8! It was ridiculous, it was called "Deadly High" and looking back on it, it made no sense, but I guess it was impressive for an 8 year old to go around calling herself a screenwriter!

We started filming yesterday, with my husband Brayman behind the camera as the DP (Director of Photography), myself directing and acting, and my friend Phillip Nathaniel, whom I met in acting class at Second City. Phillip was playing my brother who had a long list of ideas of what we should do with the huge lottery payout. I swear, he got there on time (before I did! LOL) and had his lines MEMORIZED! It was so exhilarating hearing him recite words that I wrote from the top of his head. And he made them his own too! What a professional! And he's so much fun. He was on that reality show on VH1 last year called "Money Hungry". He is so ready to have his own show!

And then I filmed with a SAG actor...Joey Ascaridis! He was amazing. Did I say amazing? I mean AMAAHHHZING! He had everything memorized also, and came in there and nailed it! He plays Jake, the guy who wants to spend the money on everything! In real life, if this guy existed, his entire lottery winnings would be gone in a week! He was so funny and at first it was distracting because I was so enthralled with what he did with my words! I felt like I just wanted to watch him act, and not do anything myself! He says he's moving to L.A. sometime next year, so I will definitely use him for another project in the future. I already started thinking about the show Jontynise and I wrote called "Me, You & Josh"! And Phillip, I'm trying to think of other ways to use his talents for my own gain! He has such a great personality!

I'm really looking forward to filming again this Friday. We'll be filming 2 more scenes, parts 3 & 4 with my former acting teacher from Second City, Jenny Lamb. She taught me that I didn't know a damn thing about acting before I took her class! She definitely made me a better actor! And this guy I met through an ad looking for actors from this project,  named Marcellus Norwood. This guy has been working for a while, and went through Second City's acting program himself! Can't wait, can't wait!

I think I'll post a snippet from what we filmed yesterday on Youtube, but I don't want to give it all away, so you'll have to wait until the episodes are fully edited to get the whole caboodle.

Did I just use the word caboodle??

Out!

The Black Tina Fey

Filming today!

Truthfully, I didn't think I was nervous, but of course with anything that you're doing and really put your heart and soul into, you just want it to be perfect. There's always that fear of failure in your mind when it's something you want so badly. I want this web series not only to be successful, but I want it to be a stepping stone to something else for me. I even thought about the fact that it's a sketch comedy show, perhaps the people at SNL (Lorne Michaels!) will get wind of it. SNL has been a dream of mine for years! I remember being a little girl in my room late Saturday night and sneaking and turning on my tv when I thought my mom was asleep. And one of my biggest inspirations, Tina Fey, started at Second City, then went on as a writer on SNL, now she has her own show and everyone loves her. I tell people I'm going to be the black Tina Fey!

So while I'm getting my stuff ready to go film at my mom's house and drop off the kids at my aunt's, I'm just thinking about what all could go wrong. I have to get out of that section of my head, the worrier section, and get into the WARRIOR section. You see what I did there? I did a play on words. Worrier/warrior. Lame! LOL

At the end of the day, all will go well, I'm sure. And soon, I'll have this show posted on Youtube, or as Jontynise and I call it "The Tubes of You". And then Lorne Michaels will be hitting up my cell phone and I'll be "Hi Mr. Michaels!" and he'll be all "Don't talk, just listen...you, audition, airport, New York, now!" and I'll be all "Laters hubs...I got a business meeting in New York!".

Okay, I'm going to go have my coffee and read over my lines. Why am I having trouble memorizing words I WROTE?!