Friday, May 15, 2015

Let it Rain


I haven't been blogging everyday. I know I said I would, and boy did I try, but then I got busy. So sue me! In hindsight, I guess I could've tried harder. I could say a lot has been going on, but not really.

I hadn't really felt like writing about my life. I thought about changing my blog to one of those "Hey, have you seen this movie?"-type review blog. But that's bullcrap. I started a blog to get my feelings out about things. Yes, I guess I could include movie reviews. That might be fun.

It's been super rainy in Los Angeles these past few days. I'm loving it! Some people around me are all "I'm sick of this rain!" I love it. Let it rain all weekend! Keep in mind, I don't really have to drive in it other than picking up the girls from school. Perhaps the people who have to get up and go to work would be annoyed with me saying "Let it rain!". Whatever.



It's when the rain comes that you forget you have barely any rain gear. The girls were late for school this morning because I had this realization that their rain boots no longer fit! What a fail! Ani is a kids size 5. Her boots are a size 3. Mia and Laila are in a 1. They are currently wearing size 13 boots, one of them being Ani's old, old rain boots. Ani had to take my old small umbrella. I might just need to buy her one. I guess I'll be headed to Target later.

Later!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Amazing Mother's Day



At the Little Tokyo Galleria in Los Angeles

I had an amazing Mother's Day. After a week of hits and misses, I had a really good day today. I woke up to my kids poking me going "Hey mom, you wanna open your presents??". Then Laila going "It doesn't feel like Mother's Day because no presents". It was 7:40 am. I realized, hey, my kids aren't just about getting presents themselves (like they are on Christmas, birthdays, etc.), they just love presents!

I got a huge bag of handmade cards and drawings and different crafts they made at school and on Saturday afternoon after I passed out in my bed after cleaning and rearranging all of the kitchen cabinets. Yes, I did that. I put on a movie in the living room for my aunt to watch with the girls and I literally hurt myself cleaning the cabinets. It was worth it. I guess. I severely needed a massage after that. But whatever, exercise!

After breakfast (Denny's take-out, cause balls to going there, waiting for a table then having to deal with a large crowd of people and having to take all three girls to the Denny's bathroom at some point). So after gifts (including a blue jean vest, a banana pillow that actually smells like banana, a Supergirl necklace and matching earrings, a mini banana plush and a cute little Ty Beanie Boo owl that Ani got for me). After reading the beautiful card that Ani wrote me and Bry wrote me (that made me cry, geez), Bry went to get the food.

Later in the day, we went to Little Tokyo in downtown L.A. to a Japanese shopping mall that I didn't know existed until today. Bry used one of those claw machines to try to win a plush loaf of bread for me. It's like a neck pillow that looks like a loaf of bread, seriously!

We did some shopping. We had fun. We goofed around. My thighs hurt from all of the walking, but at least I had on my Converse!

And now I'm trying to write this and make it make sense while watching last night's episode of SNL with the aunt and husband. I'm tired and I'm going on Mia's field trip with her and her class in the morning as a chaperone. It's her first field trip! More walking. More, more walking. But I'm excited to spend that time with my little Mia.


I thought Mia looked like this pic I found in my wallpaper app. 


Okay, I did my post for the day. Laters!

Saturday, May 9, 2015

From Bad to Good...a week of fails

I've had a rough week. Yes, I'm aware that other people have it worse and I can always count my blessings. I know it could be a lot worse, but that still doesn't detract away from the fact a few things have screwed-up my week in epic proportions. First, there was the kitchen fire, then I scratched up my van, then I almost got into an accident that would've been my fault, etc., etc. Did I also mention that I dropped all the cornbread muffins on the floor? I know that sounds HILARIOUS, but the twins cried and cried. Yeah, they're not foodies, they don't care too much about food, but they love cornbread! Haha.

So yeah, it could be worse, I'm aware. I've been beating myself up over things I've done this week and going "what a week of fails", but at the same time, I can say "It's just a bad week, things will be better next week".

It's okay. Everything is fine, obviously. I still haven't heard about that big job I applied for but sometimes, no news is good news! I try to stay positive and remind myself how fucked up some other people have it. I try to always remind my daughters that they have things way better than I had it growing up. I go "Do you have both of your parents in the house? Yeah? Then hush!" They also have more toys, food and love than they need. They are more than loved, they're adored. The great George Lopez said that.

Anyway, so then we went out last night, the husband and me. I got on the guest list at the Comedy Store (they announce through Twitter that the guest list is open so you don't have to pay the cover. I don't think I've ever paid a cover to get into a comedy club). I went specifically to see Chris D'elia. Now, if you're my friend or have followed my blog, you know the Chris D'elia deal. If you're not familiar, let me give you some background.

I have adored Chris D'elia since I first saw him on T.J. Miller's awesome but now cancelled show "Mash Up" that came on Comedy Central. Chris is so energetic and confident but also, at times, self-deprecating. He's one of the few people that make me laugh so hard my chest hurts. There's only one other person who makes me laugh that hard, and that's Josh Fadem, who's an amazing comedic actor but also my friend.

I laughed last night, had a great date night with the husband, then ran into Chris out on the Comedy Store patio when we were leaving. He remembered me from the many other times I've run into him and I told him congrats on the Undateable show renewal at NBC. I told him "I'm your number one fan, you know, other than your mom" and he laughed. I made Chris laugh. He then hugged me when saying good-bye and thanked me for my support. Night...made.




Friday, May 8, 2015

The Power of Great Friends


I had an off day yesterday. I started beating myself up over everything that's been going wrong. Keep in mind, nothing huge is going wrong. I know how blessed I am to have the life that I have with the people that surround me. I am grateful. But don't you just have those days where everything bothers you?

Sometimes, I get this feeling of doom and just think 'It's probably better if I just stay in bed'. Most days, I'm okay, truthfully. I don't sweat the small stuff and things just roll right off of me. Maybe it's because of the small kitchen fire that happened this past Sunday that I can't stop blaming myself for or the fact that I scratched the back of the van after pulling out of our parking spot. Keep in mind, I've cooked probably thousands of times on this stove in the 3 years since we've lived here and I've never severely burned food or caught the stove on fire. The one time I do it, I think "I'm never cooking again, that's it!" I know it sounds silly and I'm probably too old to have these thoughts and have this approach to life. I should know better. I probably shouldn't be beating myself up over putting another little scratch on the van, considering it's little and at least I didn't hit anybody or another car.

Today, things are looking a bit clearer. Yesterday all I could think was "I suck, what a terrible week!". Then I ran into Luisa, my friend who I have way too much in common with, including the same amount of daughters, and she made me feel better. She looked at the damage and pretty much kept me from crying, reminding me that it wasn't a big deal. Then I spent a while texting with Laura, another really good friend who has been there for me before when I needed support.

I try not to be one of those people who feel the need to tell everyone when I'm having a shitty day. But every now and then, you need to vent to people other than your husband. Every now and then, you need good, supportive friends who are going to say to you "It's okay, it's no big deal, you'll be fine." It's always so comforting talking to my two best friends, Luisa and Laura. They're two of the kindest, smartest people I've ever known. I'm very thankful for them also.

So in hindsight, I guess I'm doing much better today. I threw myself a little pitty party yesterday (with a few tears) and then picked myself back up. Besides, who has time to wallow in unnecessary sadness? I have to go grocery shopping, load the dishwasher then pick up the girls from school! I also have to find time for a workout today, but that's another post for another day.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

That time we went to the beach


School is almost out for my girls. It's awesome because we have a lot of summer plans. I'm signing them up for either dance or music classes (or both), and we're going to explore all of the great things Los Angeles and beyond has to offer. I'm talking about the beach, farmer's markets, museums, the beach, the zoo, the beach, picnics in the park, the beach, oh, and did I mention the frickin' beach?

I'm sorry. I love Malibu. It's one of the reasons why living here is so awesome for me. I never thought I'd be a beach bum (especially considering I can't swim), but hey, here we are. The first time I visited the ocean was magical. We'd lived here for only 2 weeks and I needed to see the Santa Monica pier close-up. We drove all the way there just to realize that it's much colder in Santa Monica than it is in the valley. The girls had on dresses and no jackets. Thank God we had a throw from Ikea in the back of the van, so we could throw it over the twins who were 2 years old and still in a double stroller! I put my jacket on Ani and of course the husband wasn't cold. Ever. I'm pretty sure he's never been cold in his entire life.

Photo from that day, Santa Monica 2012


Nevertheless, we walked around the pier and then I announced that no matter how frickin' cold it was, I was determined to stick my feet in the ocean. I'd never been to the ocean, so I was going to stick some part of my body in it! So we all did. We took off our shoes, walked across the cold sand and stood there waiting for the tide to come in. It was so refreshing and cold! I giggled. Ani giggled. The twins cried. They were NOT having it!

I found it invigorating. We left right after that, going back to the van and apologizing profusely to the little ones. A great time was had by all. Well, not Mia and Laila. They were not happy after that. Don't worry, they fell asleep in the van 5 minutes after we drove off. Now they're beach bums too. They can't wait to go to our favorite place in the world, Zuma Beach!

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Healthy Food Stuffs




I went to the doctor recently (actually switched doctors because my doctor was such a douche), and was totally shocked to hear that, (gasp) I'm overweight!

Okay, I'm being sarcastic, obviously, but I started thinking about my girls and being around for my grandchildren someday and blah blah blah, I'm taking this weight loss thing more seriously. I can't afford to be unhealthy, like not eating enough because I have three little girls who depend on me for getting them to and from school and everything else. I have to eat healthier, that's one thing. I don't eat a lot of junk food, but when I do, I always think "I could've had something much healthier". I've been keeping a lot of fresh organic fruit in the house and now that I have a Nutribullet juicer, I put spinach and kale in everything. I've also learned that sauteed Kale with spinach is magical. Delicious!

Also, cucumbers with everything. Cucumbers have so many health benefits including, hello!, keeping your skin looking healthy! I have better skin now than I had in my 20s! I chop up cucumbers and put them in my Nutribullet, my water, my salads, or just to eat as a snack.

One thing I can't do is put broccoli in my juice. Yuck! Seriously. I love broccoli,  you guys, but I'd much rather eat it! Keep in mind, the fruit that I usually put in masks the flavor of the spinach and kale but it seems nothing masks the flavor of broccoli in juice! And I use a variety of fruits: strawberries, mango, pineapple, apple, orange and blueberries. Even with all of the fruit, and sometimes half of a banana, I still taste the broccoli! No offense, broccoli. I still love you!

As for working out, I've been using this app called Argus on my iPhone 6. It counts your steps, lets you keep a food diary by taking pictures of your food and you can time your workouts. It even directly syncs with the new Health Kit for iPhone and you can download other apps for it to sync with, including the ones that can take your heart rate or if you choose to get an Apple Watch, which I'm not because I still can't see the point of it. I've also been doing 30 minutes of yoga everyday. My back thanks me.

I'll keep you all updated on my progress. I understand it's easier to motivate yourself if you blog about it. I lost 3 lbs last week, which I know isn't a huge deal, but it's a start, right?!

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Documentaries and managers and writing stuff

I haven't posted in a while. I'm not exactly sure why, though I'm constantly writing.

A lot has been going on. I'm just reluctant to share sometimes. I think because it's family reading this also and I don't want people worried about me. It's also because sometimes I feel like I don't want to share things that are too personal. I'm not sure if I'm afraid of judgement or what. Either way, I'm doing fine.

I started filming a documentary and I have a lot of footage I've been editing. It's basically just about my life. I've filmed a lot of dramatic things, including an argument. I'm not sure I should include it in the documentary, seeing as how I plan to send it to film festivals, but art is art, right? I really have to think on this one.

Also, my manager decided to not represent me anymore. I tried to get him to make calls on my behalf and get literary agents interested in me. He knows that I have 3 completed full-length screenplays and a pilot that I've had tv writers critique for me. All he tried to do was send me on acting auditions. I told him I wasn't trying to act right now, it's not my passion. But yet, all he did was send me emails about acting auditions. It's okay, because I was doing things on my own behalf anyway. It wasn't heart-breaking to me when he sent me an e-mail, not a phone call, but a really impersonal e-mail stating he no longer wanted to represent me because "he's had trouble getting me work". I need an agent, period. I don't need anyone to manage me, truthfully. Not everyone has a manager, especially at this point in their careers. My cousin told me I should've gotten rid of him anyway. Good luck to him, no hard feelings.

Other than that, there was a small kitchen fire here, just on the stove. But that's a story for another day. Laters.

Angie

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Short story- "Sophia Died Today"

This is something I wrote for my book of short stories called "Unsent Letters". It's fiction. I wrote it a few weeks back. I hope you like it.



Sophia died today. I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you. I was hoping you would hear it from another, as I hate to be a bearer of bad news.

You know she’d been sick and you hadn't come around lately. I’m not trying to make you feel worse than you already do, trust me. I’m only pointing it out because no one knew how to reach you. And she asked for you. She asked for you twice. Once, right after you left for the last time. The second and final time, it was the day that she died. Today.

In the morning, I got a call from Norman. He told me he’d been up with Sophia most of the  night. He said she’d awakened several times in the night and would start coughing so badly that she was spitting out blood. She was in and out of sleep. At one point, he said he could hear her talking, whispering. He went closer to her and noticed she had fallen asleep again, but was talking to someone. She said “It only hurts some of the time”. And that’s all he could make out.

She refused to go back to the hospital. She knew her time was near and didn't want to die in that sterile place, hooked up to machines. She wanted to leave on her own terms in her own bed in the house she so dearly loved.

She would tell me about the great times she had in that house with her husband before he died. She told me stories of the Christmases she spent there, surrounded by her children. There was so much love and warmth, leftover from the memories she cherished. She wanted to be there in the bed she shared with Raymond, with the pictures of her family on the walls. No one wanted to rip her away from that. So we stayed with her the whole time. Mostly in her room.

Did you know that Sophia was only 75? I know it seems like a lot, compared to us. She’d lived a lot before we came into her care. Her stories never got old to me, though. Even the ones I’d heard before, I was always happy when she’d retell them. Her eyes would light up and I could see what happened, in her eyes.
Sophia was not our mother. I know that’s what you’d say because you've said it before. I know in some ways, you feel as if she failed you. Again, I don’t want to make you feel worse. Even if you won’t admit it to me, I know that you missed her. And you have to know that she missed you too. Sophia did all she could possibly do for you. And if your mother hadn't come back, she was going to keep you, like she kept Norman and me.


I walked into her room this morning, knowing she was gone. They’d taken her out of there, and even though I knew she was gone, I could still feel her there. I could feel her warmth. If you want to say good-bye, I’m sure you can feel her there too.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Purgatory


The money is gone
And you never came
Too hot for the sun
On the northwest side
Between heaven and hell
Your splendor,
Blatantly lied,
Asleep in sadness
And attempted murder
Wipe the crusts from your eyes,
Curly-haired girl
And remaining,
In grief
And complaining
As I write to remember
Your sensitive side
And just one more mystery

inside of your shadow

Friday, January 2, 2015

Blue Poisons


My soul cries without the burning embers of your touch
I am naked, disarmed, without shelter
And with dreams of a humble smile
And to fear away from a shallow touch
Since craving your naked skin, warm body
Eyes so inviting, loving, sensitive touch
Years of dreams, finally coming to fruition
And blue poisons ruining forever
Living a terrible reality of manic indefiance
Growing vastly, running quickly to the sober light
Enduring rivers that flow at the thought of you
And tears that only appear in the dark of night
Since when do I plead for an emotional touch
I can’t withstand this grueling hour of invalidity
I will close my eyes and hear phrases, unused
And conjure spells in the back of my mind
I can’t bear to be without the sight of you
The uniqueness of your eyes and the warmth of your kiss
Your awaiting hands reaching for mine
And I pray for this moment, just a moment to exist
To show you my inner-strengths, I can achieve
But is there a point; is there shame in this?
What of the Promised Land we share in a kiss
Awaiting a kingdom, praying to exist
Or to drown in a river, an endless forever
A soul-less determination and a defining silence
A poison I will so happily die of
And a forever good-bye that’s worth a million lives

Come home to me.


Thursday, January 1, 2015

Old Poetry: Without the Night

So I found some old poetry on my old laptop. I've decided to share, no matter how much anxiety it gives me. And it gives me great anxiety to share my writing sometimes. But I've learned from my many literary heroes. Not guts, no glory, right?



Without the Night


We’re all on the chopping block
But I’d rather be on yours
I’d rather be naked
Then covered in mud from his backyard
I try to resist temptation
But nothing’s left to be done
So I go my own way
And solitude follows
And I know I’m not a saint
I’ve sinned among the sinners
I’ve got it bad this time
And I just can’t shake it
When do we learn to fight?
When do we learn to heal?
Why is this so hard and disgusting
At the same time, appealing?
I will never trust
Though I have never lied
And the thought of lying next to you
Takes my breath
I hold it inside
The night overcomes us
And tragedy has fallen to light
This is a fucking nightmare

Although without the night.

Friday, December 12, 2014

But it's Shocking Though...


Sick Laila, lying on her dad.


I've barely had any sleep. I should be asleep now. Laila is sick, which sucks. These girls keep getting sick! The doctor has said before that it's just allergies and they take allergy medicine but I'm guessing they need something stronger. She's only running a low-grade fever and she's playing with Legos with her sisters. But you know what this means? The other two are at danger of getting sick! Ugh. I know, I know, little kids get sick, not a huge deal. But last night Laila slept in bed with me, which just makes me paranoid. I was taking her temp with the ear thermometer probably too many times. Every time she coughed a little, I woke up and checked on her.

Last night there was this huge storm! I mean, okay, I'm from Chicago, I've been through  huge storms before. It was just a little shocking because we don't experience these types of storms in Los Angeles. I've been here almost 3 years and I can't remember a time where a storm was this strong to a point where the windows were shaking and I thought for a second that perhaps there was a tornado.

And guess what?! There was a tornado! Granted, not in Glendale, but there was one spotted in south L.A.! Tell me that's not shocking! So now we have to worry about both Tornadoes and earthquakes. Great. Freakin' great.

But what am I talking about?! I'm not worried about these things. I'm worried about getting paid! The new year is approaching and I'm starting to feel antsy. The kids are in school and I got my creative juices flowing. There's so much more I could be doing. I have a manager, time to find an agent! And it's time to hit the stage again! I haven't done stand-up since April! Can I even be considered a comedian anymore?! I haven't auditioned in months! The last audition I had was over the summer for a commercial. I did go to an acting coach not that long ago. And I think I'm going to go back to iO West to finish their improv program. I really miss it. I started at Second City in Chicago. It's time to finally finish! I'd also like to do a web series.

Okay. I'm going back to watching the news about this storm. Tornadoes, man. Tornadoes. That's some bullshizz!

(Please God, no snow too!)

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Poem



Hail to thee
I strike you down
The Earth moves
Without a sound
I walk on egg shells
No foster, no faith
All of this is me
All over the place
Not so intriguing
The bite of cold air
Distance is leaving
Though you wouldn't dare
Call out to me
With lust in your eyes
And beg for one more wish
A dream you'd despise.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Open Season?!



Is it open season on black men?? This affects all of us. Cops are getting away with murdering unarmed men. There isn't even an indictment before there is a miscarriage of justice. These cops haven't been arrested and won't go to trial. Something is wrong with this system. Something is terribly wrong when as a black woman, living in America, I have to worry about the same thing my people had to worry about in the 1960s, when my parents were children!

Yes, it makes me angry. It's not just a matter of color, it's a matter of human rights. We're all human and deserve the same rights. When black men seem to be the only ones murdered in cold blood, unarmed black men, then we should all rally together because it could be your son, your father, your cousin, your best friend. It's not just a black issue, it's an American issue.

This week was also a time of enlightenment. You begin to realize that there is more racism than you thought. Just read through your Facebook posts from your "friends" or your Twitter timeline. Those who stand with Darren Wilson, saying he had every right to shoot, multiple times, an unarmed Michael Brown, try to explain to me how you would feel if Michael Brown was your brother? And the cop sympathizers who believe we should just "do what we're told and we won't get shot"? Yes, that's an actual tweet I saw. What about 12-year-old Tamir Rice? Would he have been killed if he was a white child playing with a BB gun? And I'm sorry, did the cop yell for him to drop the weapon? Was he told to put his hands up and was given a chance to yell out "it's just a toy?!" Perhaps the "I thought it was a real gun" was just an excuse to kill another black male?

During the protests in Ferguson, I witnessed through the power of social media my people standing up for what they believe in. Were we supposed to shrug our shoulders and just say "The Grand Jury spoke, they must be right"?? No. Nothing ever changes in this world without people standing up for what they believe in.

Eric Garner didn't deserve to die. Michael Brown didn't deserve to die. And Tamir Rice and countless others did NOT deserve to die.

#HandsUpDontShoot
#ICantBreathe
#BlackLivesMatter



photo from here

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Strange Dreams

I've been having really strange dreams. Let me start with last night...

It was my birthday (my birthday is in Feb, actually), and I was having this big blow-out party in a fancy hotel. There were waiters with serving trays, lots of champagne, and rich people dressed fancy, ball gowns and tuxedos. Don't ask me why, but my husband and kids weren't there. Actually, no one I actually knew was there. The place was filled with celebrities and no-face supposed rich people. I guess I knew them all, as they kept telling me "Happy Birthday" and offering me champagne. Then Gwen Stefani showed up. For some reason, she had on a track suit, said she couldn't stay long, but she had to come see "Her Girl Angie". I remember the track suit was black and, of course, she had on her bright red lipstick. At the end of the night, I guess I'd had too much to drink and then Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian, who was pregnant because she always is, offered to drive me home. Hmmm....what the actual fuck?!

Then I have this reoccurring dream. It's really weird. It takes place in this huge apartment that has 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2 kitchens and 2 living rooms. I don't know. It doesn't make sense. But then, for some reason, we decide we don't want the entire place (maybe we can't afford it??), and we rent out half of the apartment to some single guy. Here's the thing...we can get into his part of the apartment very easily by opening a door, that leads to his living room, kitchen, bedroom, etc.

I had a really weird one night before last! I guess I was younger, and I was living at home in my old apartment with my mother and brother on South Essex, back on the east side of Chicago. My brother brought one of his friends over, and it was the comedian Chris D'elia! Now, in the dream, he wasn't the face actor/comedian Chris D'elia. He was just my brother's cute friend, and I was crushing on him hard. And then he said something to me, and I remember getting butterflies.

Here's the thing: I tried this "Lucid Dreaming" self-hypnosis thing. It's in an app on my phone, and maybe it sounds goofy to some, but I thought "Hey, what the hell". I wrote a movie called "Hello Again" 2 years ago about a young woman who's depressed and starts sleeping all the time because her dreams are better than her reality. In the dream, she realizes she's having a dream, and reads up on how to control the dream. It's based on a long time ago when I had this dream where I was walking down the street of my apartment building that I lived in with my mother and brother, again, the apartment on Essex. All of a sudden, the street turns into a river of blood and I run into the apartment building, and it's still so vivid considering this dream was years ago. I run into the apartment and see my brother, who's in a panic. I say to him "Gene! This is a dream! We're in a dream!" and he yells "I know! Angie! Wake yourself up!" and I say "I can't!" and he begins to shake me. I then woke up. It's sooo weird that I can remember dreams from years ago. My mother used to think I was making these things up, saying I was a great storyteller. She said no one remembers so many details of their dreams.

Truthfully, I don't always remember my dreams. There are nights where I wake up and I know it was a nightmare because I'm scared and shivering, but then can't tell Bry what happened at all, just a few minutes later. Sometimes all I remember is one person who was in the dream. There was a dream a couple of weeks ago that involved Bry and myself in an apartment (not this one) and we were talking. I don't know what we were talking about or any emotions.

I guess I only remember the ones that make me feel something. Bry and I talking is just an everyday occurrence, hence the reason why I basically only remembered the fact that we were in a different apartment.

I'm going to start taking notes of my dreams. The screenplay for "Hello Again" I always thought was lacking. There was something missing and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I think perhaps I needed to research dreams and dream-states more. Investigate this notion of self-hypnosis and training yourself to control your dreams, if that's even possible. Look at me. I sound like I'm doing real scientific research. I'm just trying to get a good movie going.

Later guys.
















Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Do You Love Peanut Brittle and Gourmet Candy?

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Peanut Brittle. All opinions are 100% mine.
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peanut brittle

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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Doing My Job

I'm trying to write a quick post here to keep this blog up-to-date, but I probably should've done this while the kids were in school.

Eagle Rock, CA


After I got back from dropping them off at school this morning, I came home thinking "I'm going to get a lot done today" and then I promptly fell asleep on the couch. Don't blame me! I had trouble sleeping last night! The husband was snoring, then I was cold, then I woke up to the horrible smell of a skunk! We had all of our windows open, in every room, and there was a breeze. You can imagine what that smelled like! So I got up and started spraying Febreeze around the house, and then I sprayed too much and then that smell started to bother me!

On the plus side, I got the kids to school earlier than usual so they could sit together in the cafeteria and have breakfast. As long as they're getting to school everyday, I'm doing my job, right?

Anneka before school


On top of that job, besides the obvious things I do around the house, including cooking and being their chauffeur, I also get paid to Tweet and I sell various items on eBay.  That's my job, for now. I'm making money, which is cool, and I actually have a savings account with money in it! This might be too much information, but it's all legit. Don't worry. I'm still working for Inside Edition. They call me when they have a story they want me to look into and report on. That's so much fun. I love being on national tv, especially when people text me or send me messages on Facebook saying "I saw you on tv!". I've probably been on Inside Edition more than 10 times now. I've honestly lost count. And then sometimes my feature is in the weekend edition of the show, and then there are times where my segments are for the website. You can always check the website for some of my videos at InsideEdition.com.

Well, the girls just went in their room to play school. I'll go watch Inside Edition and continue to look for opportunities on the web. I'm looking into taking classes for voiceover acting. I asked a friend, Kevin Michael Richardson about where I should go for training. He does the voice of Cleveland Jr. on The Cleveland Show and Family Guy. I do weird voices around the house for my kids, I might as well be doing it for the masses and getting paid!

Later.

Laila before school

Monday, September 22, 2014

Productive Days

So I'm back on track and I have a long list of things to do. In my last post, I talked about distractions and how I was used to working with them in the background. Perhaps I work better under pressure? I do remember back in school when I'd have a test the next day, I'd always forget up until the last minute, then I'd be up at 11 o'clock at night, cramming for it. I always aced it! I just always put off things, and sometimes important things.

Me, hugging Mia while listening to Laila


I've been utilizing my iphone more lately for things it can actually do, besides playing games and Tweeting. I've been using the alarm clock, calendar and notepad. Don't ask why I never really used them before. Maybe because I didn't have super important business before? Now that the kids are in school, I can concentrate on the things I need to do in the house and outside of it. I'm also working really hard on my career, keeping up with auditions, meeting with an acting coach, etc.

Anneka, Laila & Mia

I can't exactly say things are running smoothly. Last week I got the girls to school late for the first time. A whole 15 minutes late! It's strange because I'm always on time! Doctor's appointments, auditions, meeting up with friends, etc. I'm ALWAYS on time. Or early. Actually, I'm usually super early. I've gone to auditions and job interviews with time to kill. I just love being prepared and I hate rushing. I'll try my best not to take them to school late again. Of course, that was a special circumstance because usually Bry helps me get them up in the mornings and we all leave about the same time, with him heading to work. That one particular day, Bry was out of town, taking care of business in Chicago. I barely slept a wink that night before. It was a mixture of Laila's coughing in her sleep, not used to sleeping alone and worrying about my husband being on an airplane.

I was alright, of course. He wasn't gone for long and I got decent sleep the next night. Hooray for me!

Anneka, before school this morning.


I still have things to do tonight, getting the girls' snacks prepared for school tomorrow. I really need to start going to bed earlier so I can have a more productive day. Or maybe I'm being too hard on myself. As of late, I've had a lot of productive days.

Me

Saturday, September 20, 2014

When You're Used to Distractions


I haven't kept up with my blog much, I know. It's bad especially now that I have so much more time to write. All 3 kids are in school 5 days a week now, so there's no excuse, right? Right?! But lately I've felt like I've had writer's block. I haven't been able to complete a thought.

I have ideas, yes. I'm not totally blocked. I've sat down at my computer and tried to write whole ideas out, but for some reason or another, I can't finish them. And during the day, I'm not being interrupted. I have the tv off and the phone isn't ringing non-stop. Perhaps it's the quiet that I have to get used to and just listen to myself. I don't think I'm used to fully listening to myself. When you're use to distractions, it's quite hard to work without them. Does that make sense?

The incredible Jack Plotnick and me


Meanwhile, I'm getting back into acting. No auditions yet, but I did meet with an acting coach last week. He did so much for me! He's a great guy, named Jack Plotnick, who I've seen on television a lot. A friend of mine, Arae, suggested I sign up for his e-mails to find out when his acting lectures are taking place. I decided to look him up on Facebook and ask him about personal coaching. He's not too expensive so I set up a time with him last Monday.

Honestly, he was amazing! I told him about my anxiety issues and he gave me tips on how to get those thoughts out of your head. I memorized a scene to do a mock audition for him a few days earlier. When I got there, I was sure I wouldn't remember it and told him how nervous I was. I always am with new people. It  usually takes a lot for me to be comfortable around new people. For some reason or another, I was very comfortable around him. I did my scene, nervously, but I remembered it, which was surprising to me. We then began to talk and he had me recall some things to tell him about where I grew up, etc., which got me even more comfortable. He then told me to do my scene again, and I was able to go right into it. I wasn't nervous.

When I finished, he smiled. He told me it was amazing and that it looked very natural, not like acting. He told me even that it was "award-winning" acting. If you know me, you know I have problems taking compliments. I was like "what?! No way!" but he tried to convince me to believe in myself and don't be so hard on myself. Do you know how many people have told me that I'm too hard on myself??

I also have this thing where I assume that people don't like me. And I can't stand the idea of someone secretly hating me. It's such a people-pleasing thing of wanting to know if such-and-such likes me and how I can get someone to like me, or like me more. Yes, I know, I shouldn't be that way and I shouldn't care what other people think about me. I should just live my life and "do me" or whatever. I'm working on it. That's what I have a therapist for.


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

My Therapist Says...



I had this plan to try to blog everyday once the girls were in school, but things don't always go as planned. They are now in their third week of school and this is the first blog I've posted in forever. It's been at least a month since I even looked at this thing. But in my defense, a lot has been going on.

By a "a lot", I really mean "not much". I know. I just contradicted myself. It feels like nothing's been going on, I mean. No job, nothing exciting. I'm not doing any stand-up and tv show appearances. I haven't been on Inside Edition in over a month. Not that they don't want to use me or anything, it's just they haven't needed commentary on certain news stories, except one day last week. They called, but I had such a sore throat that my speaking voice wasn't normal. I was barely squeaking out words so I had to turn them down.

The first week of school, I was a little depressed. My twins started kindergarten and Ani started 2nd grade. It was just a reminder that they are growing up and there was nothing I can do about it. At least when Ani started kindergarten, I had the twins to focus on. Now, no one's at home for me to focus on. Except for me.

I started seeing a therapist. She wants me to focus on me. I'm so used to putting other people first, I've forgotten what I wanted. I've forgotten what I came out here to do before it's too late. Honestly, I never expected to be a mom, but I certainly never saw myself as this over-obsessive "helicopter" parent. I drop them off at school, then stand outside of the gate watching them in their respective lines. I dress all three of them alike everyday. I'm overly worried about if the twins are making friends and if their teacher is paying attention to them.

Focus on me? That's kind of a joke, right? Yes, I now have hours in the day where I can have a full thought uninterrupted, but what else am I supposed to be doing? I've been making money by Tweeting for major brands. I buy stuff cheap then sell them on eBay for profit. That's my business. That's what I've been doing to bring extra money into the house. But I haven't done stand-up in months, I haven't been on any auditions, and I haven't even been keeping up with this blog.

My therapist says I'm too hard on myself. She's right, I know. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do certain things and if I don't succeed, I kick myself when I'm down. This week I've felt much better about things. Last week I was sick and kept the girls home a few days because they were sick too. I spent those days laying around, taking medicine and eating very little. I lost a few pounds. This week, I'm reassessing and making myself "do". I have all of this time to do what I moved my family out here to do. And there's this voice in the back of my head that's sing-songing "Don't screw it  upppp". Well I'm telling that voice to FUCK OFF.

Was this entire post one big, long ramble? See...I'm still being too hard on myself. Don't tell my therapist.

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