So my best friend always tells me how funny I am. I sometimes feel confident that I am funny, but when I'm around others, especially people I don't know, I don't feel like that life-of-the-party comedian person. I picture Kevin Hart going around being funny wherever he is. At McDonalds, at Starbucks, at friend's weddings...always funny, right? So why would I think that I could some day be a stand-up comedian? I'm really working on it, thinking about some of my earliest comedic inspirations. I think, honestly, the earliest stand-up shows I could remember seeing on television were Sinbad and Tommy Davidson. My mom would record them off late night HBO and then watch it over and over and over again. Me and my brother could quote the jokes, even if I didn't fully understand each and every joke. My earliest memories of comedy, period, was "I Love Lucy" and Carol Burnett. My mother was a comedy addict. She watched comedy more than anything...other than "The Young and the Restless".
The point I'm getting at here, if there is one, is that comedy is who I am. I don't try to be funny when I'm around my family and friends. I don't feel like I'm always "on". But perhaps it does get out of hand when my 4 1/2 year old daughter says to me "mom, you're really not kidding?" to everything, because I'm so sarcastic and usually kidding. And my kids are hilarious too! I also love that if I call my mom and tell her a joke, she laughs hysterically. It feels awesome to make my family and friends laugh. I can't even imagine how it will feel to make an entire audience of strangers laugh. The way people love Conan, I want people to love me because they were sad and put on my HBO comedy special DVD and laughed their asses off. Or even if they just watch it out of boredom, still, I want to make people laugh!
Watching that 9/11 documentary on CBS, hosted by Robert Deniro, and seeing actual footage of what happened inside of one of the towers after it was hit by the plane...I had to watch "Friends" on Nick at Nite to get some of that imagery out of my head. It didn't work, fully...I did wake up in the middle of the night still thinking about it, but watching comedy, even for just an hour, calmed my mind for a little while. I laughed. I was able to forget, for a small amount of time, that there was evil and sadness and tragedy in the world, every where, even as I type this. Not everyone is happy. Some people will never find true happiness. But if for a short amount of time, I can make people laugh, make people forget just for a moment or two how horrible life can be, then it's worth it. I have to work harder. I need to work harder to contribute. But that's a whole other blog about feeling as if I'm not doing enough all the time, and that's part of the reason I'm an insomniac, but whatever, blah blah blah.
I'm going to go watch "Conan". Every single night at my house is ended watching something funny as hell. Whether it's "Conan" or "Friends". I even watched old Mr. Bean shorts on DVD tonight. Hilar!