Saturday, September 20, 2014

When You're Used to Distractions

I haven't kept up with my blog much, I know. It's bad especially now that I have so much more time to write. All 3 kids are in school 5 days a week now, so there's no excuse, right? Right?! But lately I've felt like I've had writer's block. I haven't been able to complete a thought.

I have ideas, yes. I'm not totally blocked. I've sat down at my computer and tried to write whole ideas out, but for some reason or another, I can't finish them. And during the day, I'm not being interrupted. I have the tv off and the phone isn't ringing non-stop. Perhaps it's the quiet that I have to get used to and just listen to myself. I don't think I'm used to fully listening to myself. When you're use to distractions, it's quite hard to work without them. Does that make sense?

The incredible Jack Plotnick and me

Meanwhile, I'm getting back into acting. No auditions yet, but I did meet with an acting coach last week. He did so much for me! He's a great guy, named Jack Plotnick, who I've seen on television a lot. A friend of mine, Arae, suggested I sign up for his e-mails to find out when his acting lectures are taking place. I decided to look him up on Facebook and ask him about personal coaching. He's not too expensive so I set up a time with him last Monday.

Honestly, he was amazing! I told him about my anxiety issues and he gave me tips on how to get those thoughts out of your head. I memorized a scene to do a mock audition for him a few days earlier. When I got there, I was sure I wouldn't remember it and told him how nervous I was. I always am with new people. It  usually takes a lot for me to be comfortable around new people. For some reason or another, I was very comfortable around him. I did my scene, nervously, but I remembered it, which was surprising to me. We then began to talk and he had me recall some things to tell him about where I grew up, etc., which got me even more comfortable. He then told me to do my scene again, and I was able to go right into it. I wasn't nervous.

When I finished, he smiled. He told me it was amazing and that it looked very natural, not like acting. He told me even that it was "award-winning" acting. If you know me, you know I have problems taking compliments. I was like "what?! No way!" but he tried to convince me to believe in myself and don't be so hard on myself. Do you know how many people have told me that I'm too hard on myself??

I also have this thing where I assume that people don't like me. And I can't stand the idea of someone secretly hating me. It's such a people-pleasing thing of wanting to know if such-and-such likes me and how I can get someone to like me, or like me more. Yes, I know, I shouldn't be that way and I shouldn't care what other people think about me. I should just live my life and "do me" or whatever. I'm working on it. That's what I have a therapist for.

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