Monday, January 20, 2014
I've been in a funk in the past week. It could be because we switched rooms with our daughters and now I'm having trouble sleeping in their old little room. My room was quite comfortable. Now it sucks. The end.
It was a great decision, though. It's 3 little girls who are getting bigger, they should have the bigger room. Especially now that they're getting older, they need more room for playing, and their three beds, including a bunk bed. There are no more toddler beds, so it just made sense. When we moved here 2 years ago, we gave them the smaller room because the bigger room has a bathroom in it and I didn't trust the then 2-year-old twins to not put toys in the toilet. Now, both are fully potty trained and love having their own bathroom.
I don't know why I'm having trouble sleeping in that room. It's the same bed, some dresser, etc. I don't know.
Then I got this really hateful e-mail from my brother yesterday that put me even deeper in a funk. I haven't spoken to my brother in almost 2 years, my mother in almost 1. He sends me this message saying "I get mad at mama too, but I've never gone that long without talking to her!" Okay, first of all, she was here with me and my family in Los Angeles for 3 weeks and made my life a living hell. She ruined Christmas for me and yelled at me and called me stupid in front of my children. Then in March of last year, she sends me a text message calling me terrible and telling me to have a nice life. I remember it because I didn't delete the text messages, just in case I decide to forgive her, I can go back and read those so I can stay mad.
He also told me karma was going to get me. Don't get me started on all of the horrible and truly terrible things he's done that he should really worry about if there is a such thing as karma.
And I don't really care if it's "unhealthy" or whatever, to hold on to anger. I believe what's healthy for me is not having people in my life who will call me names and make me feel like less than garbage. Since I've been in L.A., I've surrounded myself with good people. People who don't try to drag you down and make you feel guilty about everything you do. I was made to feel guilty for wanting to move out to Los Angeles for my career, better opportunities and for the sake of my kids and husband. I was told I was selfish and my husband would end up leaving me.
But truthfully, this is a much longer story than I'm willing to provide right now, in this blog. I've probably said too much already, but whatever. I don't want to bite my tongue anymore and writing about it is truly the best therapy.
My current group of friends are supportive, kind and truly beautiful people. And my kids make it impossible to be sad for too long.