I'm tired and trying to work. Lately, I think I always feel sleepy. Perhaps not enough coffee? Probably not. I am super busy, that's part of it. Even when I'm not filming the web series, I'm at home working on it WHILE trying to take care of 3 kids WHILE Bry is at work. It's exhausting! Any supermommy knows that! I don't understand how single moms do it! I love that moment when Bry texts me "I'm on my way home"! That's when I breathe a sigh of relief, cause I know I can go eat, watch tv or take a nap. During the day, it's all about Elmo and Dora. lol
I'm planning a trip to L.A. to look at apartments and meet with this talent manager who may want to sign me and the girls. It's nerve-wrecking, especially because I feel so close to all I ever dreamed of. My mother said she knew I would be famous someday, but seriously, this is the first time in my life I actually feel confident that I can do all of this. My extra drive probably has a lot to do with the kids. I mean, I went to film school before I had babies, but I always strayed from my path. I got side-tracked very easily. When I met Bry, I started ditching school! That was stupid! I could've had my degree! And it's not like he was telling me to ditch school...but anyway, I'm just glad I'm finally on track and that's where I'm going to stay.
But...there's one small, tiny, tinsey little issue...I'm afraid to fly! Yes, I have flown before, but I was 15! I have not flown since September 11th! The last time I flew, it was 1996! I went to Disney World with my mom, mom's best friend and her daughter, my best friend, and her little brother. It was more exciting than scary. I've seen way more since then! Not only Sept.11th, but I watch Inside Edition every day! That show teaches me that anything that can happen, will happen, and it will happen to me! Not to diss the show, because I am addicted to it, but it really does make me more fearful of everything. Perhaps I shouldn't watch it anymore?!
Also, I have way more of a reason to live now! I have 3 daughters! The idea of doing something risky and end up dying and not being around for them, that's what scares me shitless! And...being away from them for 4 days? How in the hell am I going to live without them for that long?? I'm so driven, I'm not going to talk myself out of it. I'm not going to go 'I'm scared, I'm not going to L.A.', but geez, it's gonna be hard!
Okay, back to editing Episode 4! I just needed to vent!